to expect 51 year old DH not to look at 20 year olds?

If that’s what he does in front of you, what do you imagine he does when you’re not there, what a creep

How does she know they're staring at her?
Even if they are, how does she know these thoughts are lecherous?

Can she read their minds?
It's a mix of main character syndrome and a bit of paranoia it really is.

I agree, those men are lecherous and making you uncomfortable, and it’s not acceptable.

How the heck do you know they're staring at you and not into space?

I agree that following you specifically as you're the only woman in the room, even then you could be in their line of site and they're looking at something else, may be different but just staring?

I went into a pub last night where I'd knew there'd be a mix of young females and older and young men.
I knew that at a specific time a group of young women would come in.

I made a point of looking at the guys.
Yes there were quick glances their way, no ogling for ages, though.

A lot of this is all men are looking at me is, I think, centre of the universe main character syndrome coupled with a degree of paranoia.

Why might I ask do you think every man is interested in you?

I don't even necessarily disagree with this, if a woman is dressed to impress – but blatant ogling is still gross.

Besides, I generally get leched at when I'm in jeans and a fitted t-shirt, without make-up – it's certainly nothing revealing, but (usually older) men will outright stare at me on a not infrequent basis, to the extent that my teenagers have noticed and been disgusted. I'm definitely not hoping for anyone to notice me! It doesn't really bother me (except the couple of times my children noticed), but it is very gross on the men's part.

I had a boyfriend who started behaving like this once. It was because he’d lost interest in me :(

So you're totally fine with younger men letching, then? That's OK.
Just remember, though, young letches get older.
So I'd have though you'd want to nip it in the bud.

That's OK, though letching is fine if they're young and hot I guess because that's what you're effectively saying here, isn't it?

And no offence but what if the man's just staring into space and you just happen to be in his line of direction?

Or are you so damned attractive that every man simply must be gawping at you.

Im a heterosexual female, I have zero interest sexually in other females.

I sometimes daydream and stare into space. There's probably some woman in my line of vision.
I'm not looking at anyone in particular.

Okay. But older men shouldn’t look at them in a sexual way.

OK, so you dress up in a style you like and to look presentable, without any thought about looking sexy… That’s fine and normal.

But do you think young women who dress up with their boobs out, high heels and a dress that barely covers their knickers, do so simply because they like the style? No, of course not… they absolutely do it to peak men’s interest.

I had an ex who was like this all the time. Not just looking but head turning ogling. I found it disrespectful and we were early 30s.I bet it’s not the first time he’s done it. It’s like death by a thousand cuts to your self-esteem.

Been married for 18 yrs and in all that time I’ve never noticed a head turn - my DH might look but he doesn’t stare - I’m the same with younger men.

I dress for me and the style I like. Same with make-up. It isn’t for men. And yes when older men look at me I call them out. They need to stay in their lane.

So you admit dressing in a way that accentuates your sexual attractiveness when you go out, and yet you get affronted when men notice?!

As I wrote above, that doesn’t give men the right to make you feel uncomfortable with their leering or to be inappropriately sexual with you, but your posts go well beyond that… and suggest that good men shouldn’t find sexually attractive women, attractive.

Definitely not offended by the women! I dress the same on nights out.

You’re right, it is objectifying…

Yes, we all want to known and loved by our friends and partner for who we are at a much deeper level than our looks.

But let’s not pretend, when a woman wears a low cut top and a tight short skirt she does it because she wants to be the object of desire or envy from those she encounters, not to try and show of her personality. She’s not doing it to feel comfortable or out of an abstract sense of fashion.

This isn’t inconsistent with wanting to be loved for something deeper than our looks, but we’re all complex beings, men and women, and we can want both simultaneously depending on the context.

Those trying erase the essential biological drivers that cause men and women to behave the way they do, and assert that “good” men and women transcend, and simply don’t have, these base impulses or desires, are deluded.

I’m not sure why you think that’s so outlandish…

A good older man will recognise it’s predatory and inappropriate to be sexual towards a 20-something, and therefore won’t do so.

it doesn’t mean that the man doesn’t find her sexually attractive…. He just controls it. … there’s a “tension” and the decent side of him wins.

I’d argue a man who does this is actually much more virtuous than one who doesn’t have any desire (whether that’s down to low sex drive or being gay), and more honest than those who’ve been dare not admit it to their wives (of course they won’t given the beliefs of some on here).

I’d be interested if a man thinks I’m misunderstanding them here.

How on earth was it lecherous? You seem to br weirdly offended that young women often dress in a way that magnifies their sexual attractiveness, when it’s just a fact!

OP bailed out and don’t think
will add

Are you twisting my words on purpose, or is it a reading comprehension issue? I quite specifically said that a quick glance is fine, and that it's blatantly ogling that's gross.

I could say the same about you; you seem to think ogling women is fine, but you can't bring yourself to write the word 'fuck'.

And I'm not assuming - that is frequently what men think, particularly the sorts of men who blatantly ogle. Not always of course, but often.

Nor can I.
Man looks at young attractive young woman for longer than he should.

Bad manners? Yes.
Disrespectful to the wife? Yes.

Raging pervert? Hell no!!

You really are a weird mix of prudishness and crudeness.

Prudish because you class a glance at an attractive person as a terrible sin.

(Save your passive aggression about making women uncomfortable.)

Crude as heck for assuming that a man looking at an attractive woman is automatically eye-f*ing her instead of thinking, 'she's nice.'

Really? Why? How is it not leching and objectifying? He's not admiring the woman as a person, after all - he's just getting some kind of (sexual?) satisfaction out of staring at her body.

Why do you think I'm angry? (I'm not, incidentally).

I really can't imagine feeling this angry about something so inconsequential. It sounds incredibly unhealthy.

No, I do agree, I don't think it's a sign of paedophilia, but I haven't said I did.

I've made it quite clear, I think, that 'eye-fucking' is very much like ogling - it's not a quick glance, or noticing someone passing through your vision, it's a blatant and prolonged lecherous stare. Men will at times leer very blatantly, in an almost predatory way that sometimes seems intended to be seen. It's quite unpleasant. And as I said, I've seen men talk about what they're thinking when they stare at a woman, and it's often crass.

I hope your husband isn't making other women uncomfortable.

Your post was lecherous in itself, like you were revelling in it. You are projecting saying everyone is the same. Either YOU are one of the shitty men or you are with one, so making yourself feel better by saying that everyone is like that.