to expect 51 year old DH not to look at 20 year olds?

That poster is definitely a man winding everyone up, you can tell by the provocative way they write.

Your misogynistic post contradicted itself.
Probably a windup, if not, you really need to educate yourself.
Not worth discussing further.

Your misogynistic post contradicted itself.
Probably a windup, if not, you really need to educate yourself.
Not worth discussing further.

But that’s not what I wrote though, is it… it’s a grossly distorted paraphrase.

People dislike what's been written when it's obviously crap.
You put women in two categories. Young and desirable, who's sole purpose in looking attractive is to turn men on.
Or older less attractive women, jealous of younger females because they are tempting their men.

Men on the other hand can freely perv over any woman that takes their fancy....after all, the women invite it.🙄

How is what I wrote there incorrect or misogynistic?

It’s frustrating how some people dislike what’s been written, but can’t actually really explain what’s actually wrong with it, so choose to try and rubbish it instead with a lazy accusation such as “misogyny” as though that wins the argument.

Your whole post smacks of misogyny.

Let’s be real here…. A young, attractive woman goes out in public in revealing, figure-hugging clothes precisely because she wants to revel in her sexuality and be recognised as hot by the men and women she passes… she wants to be an object of desire.

Equally, she does NOT want to be made uncomfortable from being gawped at, crudely propositioned, catcalled or stalked. And she most definitely does not want to be assaulted! To be crystal clear as I suspect some posters will accuse me otherwise if i don’t: NO WOMAN IS ASKING TO BE RAPED, NO MATTER WHAT SHE’S WEARING!

Yes, she’d prefer that those admiring her sex appeal were just her female contemporaries and hot young men, but by consciously choosing to dress like that in public, as an adult (and 20 is definitely an adult for such purposes), she has decided that she is willing to expose herself to the lustful, admiring or jealous impulses of everyone she encounters!

It doesn’t matter how much older or less attractive women hate it, or try to shame men into suppressing their biological instincts, the vast majority of hetrosexual men - whether they are 20 or 80 - will find a young woman who has chosen to flaunt her body extremely attractive and will feel lust for her… young women know this, and dress like this anyway (at least those who choose to dress like that), knowing and even revelling in it.

As for the OP’s DH, he has merely responded to the woman in the way she invited…. He wasn’t intrusive, he didn’t intimidate her or make her feel uncomfortable (she was in his line of vision), and he certainly didn’t crudely proposition or inappropriately touch her! He was at fault in that he looked a little too long and wasn’t subtle enough so that the OP caught him… all whilst the young woman wasn’t adversely affected at all, and got kind of the attention she was inviting… In the grand scheme of things, he committed a pretty minor faux pas, and he’ll be more careful next time - no harm done unless the OP unduly escalates this out of jealousy.

Late 40s and it’s worse for me now than ever, still waiting to be invisible from sleazy men.

Good relationship on the whole however DH does have a large ego that comes with him training pretty excessively in my opinion and often complimented on his physique

No kids together however he has a DD of 14 and my DS is 21.

I am 41 and he is 52 and looks his age face wise I would say but body much younger.

A girl in a coffee shop today walked past our table as I was paying and his eyes followed her all the way out of the door - he turned to watch her leave as he didn’t realise I could see him from where I was

She was wearing a very tight short black dress so I can see how you would look initially however the following her with his eyes grossed me out especially as she was about 20.

I’ve never seen him do this so obviously and we’ve been together 8 years.

That's not at all what I've said. And you're all over the place with what you're saying - you can't seem to keep your views straight.

Thanks for the time waste, but it's boring now.

Again its not leering, it's somebody looking at somebody else for a while and thinking, 'she's hot'.
Where do you get this idea that men are mentally masturbating if they look at a woman from more than a second from?

You really think people should only size each other up at singles nights or sex clubs? 😂

You obviously have a problem with normal sexual attraction behaviours between adult human beings and, of course, a clear case of not my Nigel.

The fact that you think sexual attraction and behaviour s from a man to a woman - or vice versa-is grossly perverted makes you the odd one out. Nobody else.

Really? So you don't think it's disrespectful or rude to the person being leered at?

No, I don't want young, attractive men ogling me, and especially not in front of my mother, children, or husband. Why would I like it? I'd prefer it if everyone could just not ogle, thanks - except as I said, I suppose there are places where it's appropriate. Sex clubs? Singles' night at a club?

But I think the number of people who start a committed relationship thanks to one of them leering at the other in a public place is minuscule. Most people meet in a social situation and notice without leering that the other person looks attractive, and then they talk to them. Or maybe they even just talk to them, and in the process of that, notice that they're attractive, and they have chemistry.

Anyway, my DH isn't a grotty perv who ogles people, so I'm happy.

It's disrespectful and rude to the women they're with to blatantly stare at other women.

How the hell you think people meet each other without sizing each other up is beyond me.

And yes men and women do meet while going about their business all the time.

Should women have to have a chaperone and a gentleman who has an interest just pass a mere microsecond glance at the woman before he expresses his interest via writing to the chaperone or something? Fucking hilarious 😂 if so.

Nearly everybody in the UK gets together because somebody else has eyed them up and ogled at them for a longer than a microsecond.

The disgust comes from the fact that sometimes the eyeing up comes from a man that is considered too old, too poor or too ugly.

If he were young and hot, there'd be no such disgust.
It would be flattering.

Why don't you just admit it than pretending that every man who stares at a woman for longer than a microsecond is a gross pervert?

What's sad about my view that men shouldn't blatantly ogle? (Especially if a woman is with her bloody children, who notice it, for god's sake).

You admit that it's disrespectful and rude, so you clearly agree that men shouldn't do it - so really, while I have a stronger negative opinion of the men, you also think poorly of them.

Personally, I think it's disrespectful and rude because it's perverted (Cambridge: 'considered* strange and unpleasant by most people") and gross (Cambridge: "extremely *unpleasant") to blatantly sexually objectify women who are just going about their lives.

Why do you think it's disrespectful and rude? I'm curious.

I think it's 'sad' that you think perfectly normal sexual attraction from an adult man to an adult woman is 'pervy and gross' but there you go.

Disrespectful and rude to stare for too long? Sure. Pervy and gross like he's some despicable pervert. No.

If you say so.

I think it's a little sad that you're tying yourself into a pretzel trying to come up with other reasons that a man might stare at a slim woman's arse that aren't the most obvious one - that he finds it titillating to look at - when you've literally been arguing the opposite all thread - that men stare because they find the view titillating.

Nothing wrong with a glance/look - I entirely agree with what KoiTetra said just above - but having a long, blatant ogle is undeniably pervy and gross.

It's not pervy.
There is nothing perverted about it.
Nothing at all perverted about a man admiring the figure of an adult female.

How you can even tell that he's staring at you for sexual titillation is beyond me.
Are you a mind reader?
Maybe he's just thinking that your arse is too big in those jeans or something.
Not that it is, that's just an example.

It's distasteful and disrespectful, that's all.

If you seriously think that a man-of whatever age- is an actual pervert for staring at a woman for longer than a microsecond then I think that's your problem and nobody else's.

That's a level of distrust I'm glad I don't have.

I think that choosing to be obvious in the way you look at a woman, by having your head on a swivel, and making it clear to any onlookers that you are ogling, is distasteful, pervy behaviour. It's unnecessary.

What 'old man' thing? I'm a little confused.

When did I say only old men were gross for ogling women? No men should be ogling women - well, unless perhaps it's a singles' night at a club, and everyone is ogling everyone else!

I had an ex who was like this all the time. Not just looking but head turning ogling. I found it disrespectful and we were early 30s.I bet it’s not the first time he’s done it. It’s like death by a thousand cuts to your self-esteem.

Been married for 18 yrs and in all that time I’ve never noticed a head turn - my DH might look but he doesn’t stare - I’m the same with younger men.

There's a heck of a difference between a man thinking 'she's nice' while looking at a woman and actively thinking that every man who looks at a woman for longer than a microsecond is a sex pest who is some kind of a pervert - as you seem to think, though.

I also don't get the old man thing here.
Surely it would be wrong for ALL men to look at women-including the young hot ones.

After all, surely ALL men should be reprimanded and the subject of criticism when openly ogling a woman.
Including the young hot ones.
Funnily enough nobody gives them a hard time.
Why do I think you don't, either? 🤔

But how will they learn if nobody tells them it's wrong?
They're going to carry on the habit into middle age and beyond.

So I trust from now on that should an attractive young man be staring at you for longer than a microsecond you will tell him off.
If you don't already do so. Which I doubt you do.

I live in a small town that isn't exactly packed with people, so when I'm the only person in some old bloke's eye line in the car park, and my mother tells me, "That man was blatantly staring at your bottom while you were putting the trolley away" in a disgruntled tone, it's pretty obvious he was both staring at me, and not thinking pure thoughts.

I find it strange that you think it's so unlikely that a man might stare at a woman in a lecherous way, when you've been arguing all thread that it's normal and common for men to notice and look at women, including your DH.

How does she know they're staring at her?
Even if they are, how does she know these thoughts are lecherous?

Can she read their minds?
It's a mix of main character syndrome and a bit of paranoia it really is.

How the heck do you know they're staring at you and not into space?

I agree that following you specifically as you're the only woman in the room, even then you could be in their line of site and they're looking at something else, may be different but just staring?

I went into a pub last night where I'd knew there'd be a mix of young females and older and young men.
I knew that at a specific time a group of young women would come in.

I made a point of looking at the guys.
Yes there were quick glances their way, no ogling for ages, though.

A lot of this is all men are looking at me is, I think, centre of the universe main character syndrome coupled with a degree of paranoia.

Why might I ask do you think every man is interested in you?