AIBU to really dislike DH after our holiday?

What deeply unpleasant behaviour.

Tell those of us who have been through exactly that with exes and children that it is extreme. I can assure you it is not. My daughter in the end thought it was her job to placate him! Thats why we're divorced and she needed ongoing support! Whats your experience of this situation?

It is absolutely not ludicrous. My daughter had the same issues because of my exh! What experience are you making this statement from?

Clearly! Nothing concerning about putting an alternative point of view to an extreme suggestion based on very little.

I bet you have a normal amount of emotion but someone told you you're very emotional didn't they?

I'd be more than emotional married to that di*k head.

I've seen your other contributions on this thread, and I'd be far more concerned to have posted something someone like you agreed with. Clearly you and I are very different.

I really dislike him after your holiday too.

He sounds awful, talking about being punched if it was a real game. Maybe in a gangland pool bar where there’s already beef and non sobriety. Certainly not an official match.
what a batshit thing to say. Why’s he being menacing to kids?

I'm afraid its not strange. He's just an arse. He sounds like a very truculent and controlling man child. I had 17 years of the same crap before my divorce.

Sounds like my first, and very ex, husband. Whether or not one of your children 'adores' him this is not healthy for you or for them. Sounds like a massive walking on eggshells situation which will only get worse and if he can be like this on holiday wth is he like at home with the usual stresses of family life?

Ltb

I know this isn’t the point of the thread but is there a reason your son wasn’t allowed the maltesers? Did the children have their own spending money for treats on holiday that he could have used?

This. 100%!!

Exactly this, and if he keeps doing this sort of thing someone will fill him in sooner or later

I agree. I was married to one of these and it’s not a one off bad day like some people are claiming it’s a pattern of behaviour. How do I know? Because the OP had already tried to leave the relationship and only went back for the sake of the children.

Snappimg in the moment can happen to anyone but deliberately trying to bring down a small child to big up your own ego says a lot about this man’s character. It’s not losing your rag temporarily it’s a calculated move. In the context of this the moving off without telling the OP is also entitled behaviour. He doesn’t see why he should wait around but he also doesn’t think he should let the OP know where he was. The onus was on him as the person who changed the arrangement to let her know. But he wanted her to have to chase him up and then became furious when she didn’t.

All these everyone has a bad day apologists should try and imagine living with someone like this every day and constantly having to appease them, be embarrassed by their behaviour and never get what you want because it will result in a scene. I bet it’s not just holidays he spoils OP. I bet it’s also days out and other people’s special events like birthdays, concerts and Christmases.

Ok so the malteaster example I think I would put down to the children. Why wasn't DS listening when told to put the malteaster back? If he had done as he was told then DH wouldn't have snapped and DD wouldn't be crying. I agree it's not the shop assistants fault and he is wrong to have been aggressive then, but this could all have been avoided if the son had asked about the chocolate and when told no done as he was told.

The second example is just insane. Why would he feel the need to compete against an 8 year old kid..you are not wrong about his behaviour here.

Airports are stressful places. Not making excuses but lots of people fall out at them. I am not sure how old the children are but I think you are right that they are more sensitive than most (DD seems to cry a lot) and guess that their sen needs contribute to this whole communication breakdown.

As you don't sound happy though and he is selfish I think you are right to consider separating again. Why are you letting DS dictate your relationship? Yes he might love his dad, but from all you have described dad seems to upset DD an awful lot, so why does DS feelings trump hers?

Editing as I have just seen the ages. These are not little kids. DS should definitely listen when told to put something back in the shop and will get over his dad moving out. You need to set clear boundaries for the sake of your DD.

1. He lacks empathy. I don't think you can change that
2. He has a short fuse. He can change that but no-one else can
3. He may or may not have ASD. That's largely irrelevant since knowing or not knowing won't change his behaviour. And he needs to learn to behave in society, regardless
4. He is a bully
5. You don't like him

4 and 5 would be enough to tell me that it's time to leave.

Sorry.

He’s a very nasty bully. Being possibly neurodivergent is irrelevant.

She also needs to let her son know that when an adult says no re sweets, it’s no. Repeatedly putting items back in baskets when you’ve been told no is not ok. Ditto snatching items out of people’s hands.

I'm AuDHD, and I feel like the label gets used to excuse a lot of really shitty behaviour. Just remind yourself, its a reason, not an excuse, and that person should be working hard to overcome whatever it is, not handed a get out of jail free card.
Take the empathy thing for example, sometimes I have to remind myself to put the other person/their feelings first or not just wiffle on about my special interests for hours without asking them a question about themselves in return. Sometimes I forget and feel shit about it later if I remember, but the important thing is I try. I don't use it as an excuse to free myself from any consequences.
Ask your son if he'd expect to get away with his dads behaviour (use specific examples) and see what he thinks when he applies it to himself. All kids love their dads. Even abusive ones. Its built in to them. Do you want him to grow up thinking this behaviour is acceptable and excusable for ND people? He's setting a blueprint for how to treat his future wife in his head now.

Your ds will get used to it, and he will thank you in the long run. He sounds awful.

The pool story - oh Hid. What a big man, berating an 8yo.

I’d leave him again. Your dd will be happier. And you don’t have to sacrifices your happiness so your dc can be happy. You really don’t.

I think you need to be clear with DS that being unkind is never okay, and just like he would be sad if his friend/s were unkind to him, you are sad that his Dad is unkind to you. Not only that but you would be very disappointed if he was to treat someone like that, because we don’t and you need to show him that we don’t treat people like that/ let ourselves be treated like that.

Both for yourself and for your kids. Sorry your husband is such a dick :/

It’s tricky when you use the example of a holiday because most people are tired and stressed and may not always behave to their best. I’m not condoning the game of pool by the way, that must’ve been really horrible to witness.

What I would do is bring it back to what normal day-to-day life looks like and how bearable that is. If it’s also really unpleasant then I think you just need to make the decision to end the relationship and stick with it. Perhaps you could look into getting some therapy for your child who will struggle with the separation.

What was it in particular he didn't cope with?

He was nearby, maybe he got bored. Maybe the kid got bored. It’s not a crime to move. The place to text was outside the shop, not the gate.