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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to really dislike DH after our holiday?

286 replies

HelpMEunderstand0 · 31/08/2026 23:44

I don’t know if I’m over reacting but I actually feel like I really really dislike DH and am questioning the relationship altogether based on a terrible holiday

DD13 ASD and DS15 ADHD

I have ADHD - suspect DH may be ASD but he refuses any testing as says he’s got to 45 just fine

A few incidents have happened and I’m really upset

Firstly we have not been getting on for a long time now and this was meant to be a bit of a deciding holiday as I’m struggling to connect with him at all in recent years mainly with the lack of understanding around the children’s needs or practical help with any of it

So far he has

  1. Made DD cry in a shop because DS kept putting a box of Maltesers in the basket that he said were too expensive and ended up tossing them on the side of the self checkout - they then fell on the floor and a shopkeeper asked if he was buying them and he replied “ Obviously not or they would be in my basket wouldn’t they ? “ and left the shop
DD very embarrassed and apologised to the worker
  1. A little boy of 8 years old is on the resort and is very good at pool and has beat both my kids in good spirits each time he’s played them. DH said “ Let’s see how good he is then “ and proceeded to floor him, hitting the balls in really hard and a little aggressively. I was mortified that a 45 year old would take joy in beating a small 8 year old and my son then got annoyed with DH and tried to knock the cue out of his hand on the last shot which made DH shout “ if you did that to someone in a real pool match they would punch you in the face “

Lastly, me and DD went to look in a shop at the airport and DH and DS were meant to wait outside

When we came out they were gone so we made our way to the gate thinking they would be there - they weren’t so I called him and he was furious that he had waited outside and we had gone anyway

Turns out he was nearby but not outside so we just missed him by accident but when we got back FD was upset as DH had said “ Well if they’re late it’s their own fault and they’ll have to deal with being stuck in Italy won’t they? “

DS panicked and told us when we met back up with them and DD then got upset as DH had her passport so in her mind we would have actually been stuck

My emotions are really high and I need some outside advice please

OP posts:
Original poster
HelpMEunderstand0 · 01/09/2026 00:14

At least it is to me in my brain but then I’m always very emotional so I can’t rely on my own judgement sometimes

OP posts:
Original poster
HelpMEunderstand0 · 01/09/2026 00:13

It certainly looked aggressive with a 6 foot 4 45 year old well built man is playing against a very small child ( I thought he was about 6 but my son asked him and he said 8 ) when DH is slamming the balls into the pockets with a lot of force

No chit chat - no well done mate to the kid - no conversation - he just floored him

I said after I wished the kids dad had seen and called DH out as it was horrible to watch - DH said the kid shouldn’t play adults if he can’t bear to lose

There’s a real lack of empathy

Theres a stray cat we have had visiting for months - put up all the leaflets, checked with vets etc and appears to be happy but stray and he won’t give it any treats because they belong to our own cat

It’s all very strange

OP posts:
Jammin8 · 01/09/2026 00:07

SaySomethingMan · 01/09/2026 00:01

First one, I understand his frustration at having to take out maltesers multiple times where a 15 year old boy is involved. He needs to be firmer/clearer with the boy, it seems. He was rude to the shop
attendant.

Pool? I don’t know. Did you just want him to let the kid win? If the boy was as good as you say, I don’t see anything wrong with him playing him competitively, unless he’s a professional himself or something. I don’t know how pool sam be played aggressively or non aggressively. You need enough force to putt? Not too much not to little. He wouldn’t play well with aggression, I would imagine.

Airport, travelling can be stressful. People say or do things in haste during travel when anxious.
I wouldn’t let this be the deciding factor. However if you have already made up your mind based on previous situation, thrm that’s different.

If he’s autistic but won’t get the help he needs, that’s hard and not fair on yhe family.

All the best in your decision

You can absolutely slam pool balls into the pockets aggressively! Are you confusing pool with golf, which requires you to putt?

SaySomethingMan · 01/09/2026 00:01

First one, I understand his frustration at having to take out maltesers multiple times where a 15 year old boy is involved. He needs to be firmer/clearer with the boy, it seems. He was rude to the shop
attendant.

Pool? I don’t know. Did you just want him to let the kid win? If the boy was as good as you say, I don’t see anything wrong with him playing him competitively, unless he’s a professional himself or something. I don’t know how pool sam be played aggressively or non aggressively. You need enough force to putt? Not too much not to little. He wouldn’t play well with aggression, I would imagine.

Airport, travelling can be stressful. People say or do things in haste during travel when anxious.
I wouldn’t let this be the deciding factor. However if you have already made up your mind based on previous situation, thrm that’s different.

If he’s autistic but won’t get the help he needs, that’s hard and not fair on yhe family.

All the best in your decision

Kevinbaconsrealwife · 31/08/2026 23:57

What a wanker….tried to humiliate an 8 year old at Pool? Just wow…..wishing you luck however you navigate your future my love x

Original poster
HelpMEunderstand0 · 31/08/2026 23:54

DS adores him

Its a massive mess because of this actually

We split last year for 6 months and DS really didn’t cope - it was the main reason I tried again :-(

OP posts:
PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 31/08/2026 23:53

He sounds like a great big baby and a bully!

DisappearingGirl · 31/08/2026 23:50

I was expecting to read that you were just getting on each others' nerves on holiday, but actually he sounds awful.

Thelondonone · 31/08/2026 23:49

You need to make a plan. I’d probably start with counselling but you need to put yourself and your kids first. You can then decide if couples counselling is something you want to try but ultimately you’ll probably have to leave to have joy and kids that are happy and not scared.

pikkumyy77 · 31/08/2026 23:48

He sounds awful.

LimeShade · 31/08/2026 23:48

He sounds like a cunt. Has he always been so?

your kids sound like they hate him too. He sounds abusive.

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