AIBU to really dislike DH after our holiday?

How awful for you OP! I was thinking the other day why do we put our selves through holidays - I feel so much pressure to enjoy myself I think we are annoying each other too! But we have a toddler and a baby!
day at the beach today was shambles I could just go home.

what can we do about the cat?

OK but What was his excuse for the cat?

@HelpMEunderstand0
You said that he works long hours and is away a lot.
I would be thinking about what the household is like and how the children cope in both circumstances, when he is away and what its like when he's home.

If your son adores him (is adore the right description? he loves him because he's his father, but he clearly doesn't love the behaviour) he would still be able to see him.
I've seen comments about your son's behaviour, the pool ball and the sweets. I don't think he was out of order, he showed some spirit in standing up to the petty bullying that was going on, standing up for the 8 year old too.

So I think he may be realizing after the holiday that this isn't working. Also he knows that you listened to him last time and came back and tried to make it work. Perhaps he will see from the holiday that it probably hasn't.

In any case, he is going to be under pressure with GCSEs coming up, he would do better in a calm, non combative environment, but I know that's easy for me to suggest - only you can effectively weigh and measure this in real life.

My ex husband was totally a man of the people, volunteered for a charity, is a high ranking professional, everyone’s friend, would do anything for anyone. It was only to his wife and children that he was a complete monster.
Incidentally, he got himself an adhd and asd diagnosis AFTER we left him. He has an on/off girlfriend and I think she’s sick of him, so he needs a new excuse for his crappy behaviour.
Hasn’t made an ounce of difference, he’s still abusive, post separation.

Yes, this is a truly pathetic human.

And in this attitude, we also see exactly how patriarchy crushes little boys, turning them into emotionally stunted obedient robots that can be sent to the battlefield, where they are turned into sausage meat, all for the men at the top.

What on earth?

Yes I agree. Her kids are going to grow up thinking this is normal and think this is the standard of a man they deserve. OP don’t you want someone who is always happy around your kids, laughing, joking, they may love him because he’s in that role and they don’t know any different. We as adults know better. Kids don’t.

No, it matters how her children feel. It's her job to protect them from growing up under the thumb of a bullying abuser and all the harm that is already causing.

So she should do her job, one way or the other.

OP, as you can see some people agree and some people disagree. I think your husband is a mean bully. Others may think it’s humor. What I’m trying to say is, it matters what you think. How did it make YOU feel. You’re the one that has to live with him. I’m in the same situation my husband is an a33hole and I’m also trying to build the confidence to leave. People say leave, few say stay, but what does the thought of staying FEEL like to you. What do you feel if this is the man you spend the next 30 years with. Grow old with. I can tell you’re not in love with him the way you’ve spoken about him (and rightly so, love dies after time with abuse) messege me if you want to chat and help each other. Xxx

Why did you include the stuff about him possible having asd or adhd . Thats not important. He is a bully. Does he bully adults at his job? Any friends he has? Family other then you and your children?
If not then he can obviously control his temper when he wants too.
This has nothing to do with adhd or asd . And even if he did get tested it would not make his behaviour OK. Or acceptable.

I don’t like your husband and I only have to read about him. He’s a cunt and a terrible father and husband. You all deserve better!

Yep. She is teaching her kids that pandering to daddy is more important than their safety and stability.

He sounds like a nasty bully who doesn't love his dc.

His neurodisability doesn't really come into that.

His feelings matter more than him scaring or upsetting your dc. He isn't prioritising them or their wellbeing. He prefers to use his anger to control his family for his own convenience.

I was expecting to read examples of how you felt distant - maybe you were both on your phones a lot whilst the kids were in bed rather than making the effort to spend quality time together. However he just sounds like a complete c**t and your kids obviously struggle with him. I couldn’t put up with that (for my own sake or the kids’) at all and would LTB.

So you - as a 6 foot 4 adult male in his 40s - would behave aggressively to an 8 yo to take him down a peg or two and you literally think that is justified?

I have nothing but contempt and disgust for you that you would say this and justify such grotesque bullying behaviour towards small children.

NRTFT but have you posted about your husband before and your daughter not wanting him back in but your son begging for him back?

Something about your first few posts rings a bell.

Yes, let's 'teach' that 8 year old with some nice aggression from an adult who they barely even know......🤔 fantastic idea.

It depends on whether he was behaving as i described in my post - bragging about being able to beat anyone including adults or he was just a boy who enjoyed playing pool and was very good at it. The second one, the husband’s BU, the first one, it’ll teach him
a valuable life lesson- no one likes an arrogant bragger, especially one whose claims don’t hold up

Biggest hug.... your husbands behaviour is bloody awful i mean Maltesers all over the floor the disrespect is something else.
A little 8 yr old and he puts himself in competition with him god awful behaviour .
Speaking to your son the way he did id of got up took the kids and walked away he sounds like an absolute tosspot.

You and your children deserve a happier life than this his behaviour is rubbing off if your daughter is embarrassed and emotional and your son knocking the cue is already seeing this man's shitty attitude.

Id ask him to leave give you 3 some peace and space so you can decide whete to go next in your life id be coming away from him dont waste time if you're unhappy x x

An 8 year old??

A better lesson would have been for the child to have no one to play with.

How would an adult winning against a child take him down a peg or 2

The relationship is done, you are just dragging it out.

This holiday was the decider - surely it’s helped you make your decision.

I don’t understand why DS can’t live with DH and DD live with you if that’s what they’d both prefer?

Was the 8-year-old boy walking round the resort/bar/pool area bragging about how good he is at pool, that he can beat anyone, adults included etc? If so then I don’t blame your husband for taking him down a peg or two (although I agree there was no need for him to play aggressively and not say well done/good game) but there’s nothing worse than an arrogant kid, your DH probably taught him a good life lesson

Your husband is a cunt, I couldn’t even bear to look at him.

The man is a cunt. Leave him otherwise you will be miserable for the rest of your life (or until you stab him with a knitting needle or something 🤷🏻‍♀️)

So basically you are the carer for all of them? Dh needs to be told how his behaviour is affecting everybody, but ultimately if he can't or won't change then he may have to accept marriage is over. Is the house large enough for you to have separate bedrooms but still live together for Ds sake?