AIBU to find a baby shower wish list a bit grabby?

Again, my post didn't say anything about Americans! It's not like they held a gun to Brit heads and said import this tradition or die!

I had 2 surprise baby showers, and on each occasion I was bought gifts, however, I didn't ask for these or expect any.
I suppose this is the point of baby showers though, to shower the mum to be with gifts, as people do bring gifts regardless. So, In a way, telling people what you want/need cuts out the tat you won't use or don't want. However....specifically asking for expensive gifts is very cheeky I think.

I hate these thinly veiled snobby comments “a certain type” unlike my DD’s university friends. 😆

Believe it or not, it’s not a working class creation.

I didn't have one but enjoyed the ones I've gone to. That said, we had a couple (both friends) very lovely, intelligent great people send an Amazon gift list out with the invite and then keep sending the link out with reminders that there were still some things left on it 😬

I bought a couple things from the list and then hand knitted something for the baby. Never mentioned it but yeah it was a bit cringe

Then y’all are doing baby showers wrong and frankly your whole version of 'baby showers' just sounds gauche. 😭 If you’re expected to buy a gift for the shower, buy another gift after the baby is born, and sometimes even pay for your own food at the shower, what exactly is the point? You’ve imported an American tradition, removed the actual hosting part, doubled the gift obligation and then complain that the tradition you’ve completely mangled is expensive and tacky. At that point, you should just stop having baby showers.

My post didn’t say anything about Americans.

Americans are not responsible for what traditions are imported by the British, or vice versa.

The messages about tempting fate etc - don't you think that the idea of losing the baby hasn't occurred to the prospective mum a million times over?

I had a friend who went on about superstition when I was pregnant and found it mindblowingly tactless, and kind of arrogant that apparently she was the only person present with that level of insight. If the expectant mum is prepared to take that leap of faith, so can you.

If they were in the US, their colleagues would throw the shower for the pregnant mother, provide the food and drinks, and figure out what was needed by getting in touch with the woman's partner or mother or bestie in secret.

What a difference an ocean makes.

What you're saying is that there are British people who have taken a perfectly.lovely. polite, courteous American tradition and turned it into something unrecognisable.

What British people feel.obliged to do is neither here nor there. American friends of a mother to be usually show up with freezable casseroles or baked goodies once the baby is born, after giving the baby gift they chose from the registry at the shower.

Practicality is a theme throughout.

Women have started having baby showers in work on their last day of maternity leave. They tend to send the e-mail, bring a selection of cakes and soft drinks, and attach a list of things the baby needs that are still outstanding. The e-mail is printed off and people put their name by the side of the gift. That’s been the trend for the last 5 years in our place. I do think it’s a generational thing.

What a morbid thought.

The vast, vast majority of babies are born without any problem, and go on living.

If you're so concerned about unexpected death, how often do you get into a car?

I didn’t have a baby shower but have been to a few! Some had wish lists (which suited me better) than the ones were there was none!
last mum to be wanted a swing £80 on Amazon! Easy peasy!

What happens is sadly the baby dies and you have all these presents?

I would prefer to give when the baby is born. Then you know the baby has arrived safe and sound, is healthy and what sex they are and therefore can make a more informed decision as to what gift to get. Everything about baby showers seems like tempting fate to me, having known a number of friends who had stillbirths or similar.

No. I recall in SATC that gifts are brought to the shower. I have only been to two, not complaining, both times I brought a gift.
A list is probably not a bad idea over ending up with two sterilisers and 5 nappy cakes.
It’s is overly celebrated like everything now, akin to a wedding.
You either bring a gift or buy one afterwards but never both.

@nomas I think a certain type of mum to be wants these. Among DDs old school friends and university friends, it’s not done. They are more traditionally British and are happy with our customs. Neither do they need loads of gifts.

Many people do feel obliged to give two gifts in the UK though, one for the baby shower and one post-birth.

Because the British tradition is to give a gift after the baby is born, so it feels awkward not to give one even after you’ve already given one at the baby shower.

I don’t mind so much if the host has gone to effort at the baby shower and provided nice food and drinks.

But sometimes the guests are expected to fork out for their own afternoon tea for example and also a gift.

If you don’t know someone enough to know what they want or just to ask, then that’s probably an indication that you aren’t close enough to give a gift.

I was speaking of the actual items once they were in the home. I did literally give an example of what I meant.

I do try to think beyond just giving the gift. I don’t want to give a gift that they have to go through the trouble of returning or makes things difficult hence I favour wishlist.

I’m not anti American. But we do have a British culture too! We can surely maintain our customs? We are pro American re music, films and just about everything except you know who. We do embrace other cultures and welcome new ideas but we don’t have to 100% agree with everything! Baby showers for me is one thing I’d rather not see because we had our own celebrations after a baby is actually born. But we have to copy the USA. It’s easy to do because we import American culture very freely and without question. It’s not wrong to question a few things which are not better than our existing custom and practice.

I understand this, and register your deep frustration with anti-Americanism here on MN and in the real world frankly. Conversely, I don’t think Americans (generalizations blah blah blah) grasp just how grotesque Europeans find American consumerism. In the few time I’ve timidly pointed this out here I’ve been told, literally and in different words, “it’s called freedom, Cankles. We can do what we want here”. The deep disgust that other people find in this attitude, the rejoicing in excess and willful lack of temperance and gay abandon with consumption (the bedrock of America’s post-war boom), is repulsive to many and that is where the strength of feeling comes from - especially now that it’s becoming more and more apparent that other people around the world are also paying a heavy price for this so-called freedom Americans exercise.

It’s a cultural difference. I’ve lived in Asia and Europe and the US for roughly one third each of my life. I see so many good things in all these places, so many objectionable. I’m in no position to criticize or judge, I vote where I don’t live and can’t vote where I do live. This is just in reply to your frustration with British anti-Americanism. I’m sure you’re aware of all the above.

So buy them yourself? If you can’t afford everything, go without and be grateful for whatever you do get whenever the baby arrives? The registries I receive are really quite outrageous. Sure, they have bottles and rattles and babygros - but they also have baby bjorn rockers and bugaboo strollers and those vibrating sleep cribs, all in the hundreds and hundreds of dollars. You have to ask yourself if the parents every pay for anything themselves…

If you're Irish and living in Ireland, it's not actually universally considered rude at all.

I know this because I'm Irish and all my cousins who are also Irish and who have got married in Ireland over the last 20-30 years have had wedding registries. Nobody has batted an eyelid - even older relatives have been enthusiastic about not having to guess what people want or need. People have been very happy to buy towels or a few plates from a set or a couple of wine glasses or join with others to buy a bigger ticket item like a set of diy tools. They've also been very happy just to give money for a honeymoon fund or down-payment for a house, etc.

Because you need the things when you have a baby or when you get married and set up home?

I challenge you to make a list of all the useful American inventions or American traditions or phrases or foods or beverages you cheerfully embrace in your daily life, and also those you embrace periodically.

I bet you're not such a nationalistic cactus in real life.