DH blames me for DDs behaviour

Aside from this though, of course dh should be parenting his child when you are working op and he is awful to blame you for a child's behaviour. People (kids included) are responsible for their own behaviour. Except for dh's behaviour of course which is presumably also your fault.

Children are different and therefore (shock horror to some posters) require different parenting methods. If she is neurodiverse it's not a massive leap to say she may have a pda profile which needs to be managed differently and which to the unaware can appear like "pandering".

But by all means, previous posters know everything and would choose to have constant battles about every little thing rather than calmly give their dc a heads up if plans might change. As the op said they also do if plans with a friend may change.

Dh is a man child. Why can’t he make a nice snack?

Tell him it's his job to deal with it if she's rude and disrespectful on his watch! Why should you be the one to step in and tell her off? Most children are a bit tired/grumpy/hangry straight after school, it's his job as the parent to manage that when he's looking after her. Instead of having a word with your daughter, maybe you should have a word with him about how he interacts with her?

You should be singing frim the same hymn sheet. If she is used to being picked up by you she may have been disappointed. This is not a reason for rudeness, nor is bring hungry or tired To avoid isdues she needs to be told how the afternoon will pan out in the .morning. I would speak to your husband to say he needs to speak to her about her behaviour. If necessary discuss it beforehand so you are able to show a united front.

You did sat she had previously shouted disrespectfully and had an extremely loud meltdown though.

Some people have just made up their minds that all children are brats with laxist parents. Feel free to ignore.😉

Ok do it your way.

Id probably give her a cuddle initially and then be sterner and tell her that her screaming the house down and being rude to DH was completely unacceptable. You are on a work call and her behaviour just because mummy isnt there right then and there is not ok. You don't need to shout but you do absolutely need to make sure she realises this behaviour is not ok.

I can’t imagine even thinking that I would have to pre-warn a six year old that things at home may not quite run like clockwork. She should not ‘have a meltdown’ because her mother isn’t available.

Tell him his relationship with his daughter is his responsibility and not yours.

@Plastictreesofgold No need to apologize for you DD. she's 6, fgs. Ignore all the critical and judging replies.

Kids often release all their pent up frustrations, hurts, anger etc once they are in their safe place where they know they are loved unconditionally.

This is not a parenting fail. 🙄

I wonder if people judging here have never
"reacted disrespectfully, shouted or gave snappy/rude answers to significant others/anyone if tired/hungry/frustrated."

Tell your husband he can get in the bin with shite comments and accusations like that.

Frankly, it sounds like he lacks parenting skills, knowledge about child development and compassion, empathy and understanding for his own daughter, not to mention a lack of respect for you.

I find this really interesting. My husband has never been able to separate me from our children i.e. if he’s upset/cross with them, I bear the brunt of it too. When I call him out on it he denies it but it’s been a consistent theme over the last 21 years. He too is neurodiverse.

I have a 6 yo. I frequently get "I can't remember" when asked what she did at school but other people get insights.
I asked her if she enjoyed sports day in the summer term and despite me definitely seeing her compete as part of sports day 1h earlier I was told that she hadn't done sports day ... When dad got home he got the full story.

I have a WhatsApp group with half a dozen other mums and it genuinely takes a mismash of all of the childrens interpretation of the day to figure out what they have done.

The highlight of this was one day where one child came home saying they had spent the day being wrapped in toilet paper and another said the teacher was talking about some kings get turned into mummy's..... It was of course a lesson in the Egyptians.

I think it is worth reminding your daughter that you would love to be there every day when she came home from school but it's important that you work and that you will be there as often as you can and that when you can't you will come down once you are able.

There was a BBc article today on talking to children after school in a way that gets more of a response - who made you laugh etc. I definitely get more from my daughter after we have had a sit down and settled into the home space. We don't get a lot on the walk home

It’s not a bank holiday in Scotland, which is in the U.K.

Teaching her to be resilient about change will reap rewards - whether she is neurodiverse or not. Timetables and managing expectations really help but this is a lot of micro management when actually she could do with some coping strategies when things don’t go to plan/what she thought would happen. For example, establish that if you are not available she can chose her own snack and do a jigsaw / watch tv/ trampoline etc until you are available. Build in contingencies that she manages herself - because at the moment, you are centring her and the deep lesson she is receiving is that her needs/wants trump yours and her dads.
Anyway, I don’t really want to meddle I’ve just… been here myself and I wish I had done just what I am describing. Take it as you will! :)

As usual you mean England.🙄 It's not a bank holiday here in Scotland .🙄

You’re not HIS mother FFS. Why would you mediate between them?

Can you have a chat together as a family and do some family activities together, like play a game together?

Based on what you have said, it could be easy to see your dh as the problem but there may be more to the situation. In your shoes I'd want to work on this together.

Why is your daughter so inflexible that she needs to be prepared that mummy isn’t available? She sounds a bit indulged and entitled.

I will tell you what I told my husband when dad was three because he didn’t want to discipline her over something.

“ok. I will tell her. But if you dip out on parenting properly now, you don’t get a say when she is a stroppy 14 year old. It’s the work that you put in now that will allow you to have influence then.” Dh is a good egg so he got the point,