DH blames me for DDs behaviour

The OP literally started a thread because her and her husband have different rules and boundaries. It’s right there in black and white. I will not be responding to you again because you seem to be having difficulties with comprehension.

It's not usual either. And many parents wouldn't tolerate it

And you didn't listen to the answer regarding a 6 year olds developmental behaviour.

Tantrum - once, last year while the OP was on a work call, the OP said.
So you had a go at the OP for having a parenting method to avoid any tantrums for the future.

Why?

You're making things up to have a pop at the OP's parenting.
Very strange behaviour.

Would it be beneficial if you all sat down together and talked, and you can see how DH communicates with DD?

Is he actually pleasant to communicate with? Are these conversations relaxed?

Some people can come across as fairly aggressive and project quite an agitated/intense vibe, even if they're "technically" being polite.

They find it hard to slow down and read non-verbal cues.

They ask quick-fire questions over and over again and then get disproportionately upset if the person they're talking to doesn't respond the way they want.

Even as an adult it's unpleasant interacting with people who are too intense.

I was more focused on the tantrums.

Your six year old rather sounds as if she rules the roost, and you over indulge her. I'd be addressing that pronto. She's six, not one.

Believe it or not, not all children come in quietly, esp 6 year olds. All children can come in noisy, pleased to be home, hyped after their day, can't wait to see mum, tell her about it or whatever. Six year olds don't sit demurely the moment they come home as a general rule, they are still very excitable as their brains are still developing and not yet in check with their emotions 100% of the time.

Who's tiptoed? Who's not disciplining here? Lazy parenting? Really? Where? You do like to pick pick pick - there's nothing but presumptions.

People here are being twats, OP. You have a routine and today things were going to be different, it’s not unreasonable for a parent to let her know that in advance to avoid them being upset. Plenty of six year olds would have an emotional reaction to a routine change if unexpected and tired and hungry after a long day at school.

Your husband is being a dick saying you “made him the bad guy” just because he had to deal with a disappointed child

You need to tell your Dh that he is responsible for his relationship with DD, not you. Do not let him make you the go between, or it will never end!

Schools in Scotland have been back for a couple of weeks. And it’s a bank holiday in England and Wales (?) - again, not Scotland.

But the OP and her husband don’t have the same rules and boundaries. That’s kind of the point.

The fact that you say in an earlier post: “a conversation with dad stops the shouting” says it all. So don’t teach a child not to shout and tantrum, just tiptoe around them instead? What lazy parenting. Anything to not be the bad guy and actually instil some discipline.

You seem pretty determined to believe that your child is a little angel, but the reality is she has form for throwing her toys out of the pram she should have outgrown several years ago when she doesn’t have you on tap the second she arrives home. You sound terrified pf her reactions.
This should be a quick point of information - mum is still working, she’ll be done soon. Water or orange juice?
But as it clearly isn’t, try some role play when she is calm, Make them pretend they are walking home, then dad says you won’t be there for 40 mins. Now get her to do what she does next.
Make it exaggerated and silly. Anything to nip this in the bud.

They also gravitate to the kind one.
My parents were that. Both same rules, boundaries. Mum was fun, dad wasn't.

Guess who we all loved?
You have no idea on any boundaries set by the OP.

This is a huge pile on over nothing, ah, that's mumsnet for you. Any chance to pick pick pick.

Children always tend to gravitate towards the person who sets the fewest boundaries. That’s not a good thing.

Really? On what planet? A conversation with dad stops the shouting and looking for mum when she's in a meeting. How can you find fault with this? Same as any member of the family isn't it, no matter the age 'mum's on a call, don't disturb'.

Your original question was about whether you ought to be responsible for managing your husband’s relationship with your child, to which most people have quite rightly said you are not responsible, thus agreeing with you on that point.

However, a lot of posters are now making the additional point that the way you are responding to your daughter needs to be reconsidered, which was not the original point of your thread, but is clearly something a lot of us have picked up on. And your subsequent very defensive posts are what most of us are not agreeing with, as you well know.

But nice try on attempting to deflect. So on the one hand you are right: you are not responsible for managing your husband’s relationship with your daughter. And on the other you’re wrong: you need to stop enabling your daughter’s poor behaviour and allowing her to rule the roost. Based on your responses here, I can certainly understand your husband’s frustration.

He gets out what he puts in, surely? Sounds like you and your DD have a lovely bond, esp if she's excited to tell you about her day. This isn't your 'fault'! His grumpy over you knowing how to avoid a trigger is childish.

If your husband wants all the excitement then he should put in the effort and also get to know his daughter a bit more. It's not rocket science is it? Kind mum or grumpy, nagging dad.. I wonder who she'd want to spend time with.

Failing to respond to DH’s questions is actually rude and disrespectful. I’m surprised you can’t see that. If you tolerate her treating you that way it makes DH the bad guy when he insists on manners. Little kids might be tired and not overly chatty immediately after school but actually ignoring someone is just rude and it is your (plural) job to teach her that.

Because she doesn’t need to be told that you’re on a call - just like your DH doesn’t need to be told that you’re running a bit late in a meeting.

She’s six - she should know that you’re not always available and that sometimes you’ll be busy when she gets home - it’s not something that needs a conversation from dad.

I think you should sit your DH down when DD won’t interrupt you, and tell him that you’ve had a chance to think about his instructions (because they certainly weren’t requests) and, as a pp has suggested, tell him that the quality of his relationship with DD is on him to manage. Tell him that him passing on the message that you were unavailable had nothing to do with her behaviour, bar ensuring it didn’t deteriorate, and that it’s very clear what the problem is, so if he wants some pointers you’ll be keen to provide them.

Otherwise, he might want to bear in mind that he is a husband and a father, not a drill sergeant, and you and DD are his wife and daughter, not new recruits.