AIBU to feel lonely and tearful on maternity leave?

Being home with a small baby all day can be lonely and isolating. You could have PND or you could just be craving some adult company! Have a look in your local library, there's bound to be a few mum and baby groups on different days, maybe a baby massage class or storytime at the library? I used to take mine to baby group at the Salvation Army - they made tea and stacks of buttered toast and it was lovely to chat to some other mums. If you meet someone you hit it off with, invite them over for lunch or meet up for a walk in the park etc.

Keep an eye on the tearfulness and loss of appetite, if it doesn't improve go and see your GP and talk through how you're feeling.

Sign up to lots of different baby groups – there are usually low-cost ones too. Get out of the house at least once a day. Go to baby cinema. Go to the park. Go to groups and chat to other mums, get a coffee with them. Mat leave can be so hard and isolating, and the way to get through it is to make connections with others. And if your low mood carries on, speak to your health visitor and/or GP.

Aww, you just need some adult company! I’m coming to the end of my mat leave now, sadly, but the rhythm of my week went like this:

Monday - Baby Sensory class
Tuesday - RhymeTime at the library
Wednesday - Baby Swimming lesson
Thursday - Baby Massage/ Singing Mamas group
Friday - free time! I went to museums, saw other friends/ family, did some day trips to things like the zoo, etc.

After each class Monday - Thursday I normally went for a very long coffee/ cake afterwards with a few other mums. For the swimming class, one of the mums just said to me ‘shall we go for a cup of tea afterwards?’ And that turned into a weekly thing, and meeting up other times in the week, too. People want things to do!

Are you on any WhatsApp groups with local mums? There are always, always people willing to go for a coffee/ walk/ cheap soft play/ try out a new baby class.

Try searching for the ‘It Takes A Village’ group and see if there’s one in your area. I’ve heard great things about this.

I think the music class is a great start. After one or two, just choose someone who looks nice and smiley and ask if they want a coffee afterwards. There is so much conversational mileage to be had re babies at this stage, and everyone is in the same boat.

Sending hugs and hoping things get much better for you. It just sounds like you need some more adult company. Good luck!!

You need to go to GP.

I absolutely adored the alone time I had on Mat Leave (babies are demanding but he didn't demand that part of my brain) - but even I had a proper baby gang to chat to, and catch up regularly!

Did you do an antenatal group? If so, it's not too late to try and initiate some get togethers based on that. If not, try Peanut for making friends with other local mums.

My best friend was in my antenatal group, and we bonded over trying to cram a nap into our babies before their swimming lesson at 6m. We spent last Christmas together.

You need a bit more than the random chat whilst trying to stop your baby eating glue at a craft session.

This was absolutely me. I love my kids but found the early years so dull. I cried a lot which at the time I put down to lack of sleep and possible PND. But then I realised I craved adult conversation about adult (non-baby related) things and getting back to using my brain. I remember coming home from a friends and realised the only thing we'd talked about all night was babies. No politics, no current affairs, not even any inane tv/music/gossip chat. It was that day that confirmed in my mind that I needed to get back to work and it totally changed my outlook. I went back earlier than planned and never looked back.

This.

One baby group a week isn't going to cut it.
There's bound to be loads of groups locally, lots of different types. Pick out out for each day and if you make it,.great, if you don't fancy it, that's fine. From that you can build up friendships, invite the other mums out for lunch after etc.

So your week could look like

Monday: church (free or virtually free) baby and toddler group. Most churches do these and they are either not religious or minimally so.
Tuesday: your music group
Wednesday: organised community sling/pram walk, maybe go for a warm coffee and cake after
Thursday: baby signing (lots of fun), or another free/very cheap baby group if needing to keep an eye on £
Friday: baby club at the library (free).

After a while, you'll get to know the other mums and then organised clubs often turn into lunch after, and then other stuff, or playdates instead.

To an extent mat leave is what you make it. It can be very lonely, but it can also be filled with fun and activities.

Have stuff booked in most days for adult chat and social connection. With my first baby I had a breastfeeding coffee morning, baby swimming, baby music, walks with baby most days in a sling as they hated the pram. The odd coffee /tea with nct crew.
are you eating enough to maintain a healthy weight ? If not you should see your GP?

I agree with the advice above. Get yourself to some classes/groups. The children’s centre and your HV should have a list of local free ones. Libraries and museums also tend to run baby classes. The Peanut app is great and you can ask in your local group about classes/meet ups etc.

Once you start attending things you’ll start to recognise familiar faces and most new mums are pretty open to talk about the hard stuff. On my first mat leave, there was an amazing second time mum who would rally everyone for coffee after a class.

If you really feel mat leave isn’t for you, you can by law arrange to end it early. Providing you have the childcare provision that’s an option and if it makes you a happier mum might be the right one for your family.

Hoping this all works out for you op.

are you doing any classes? Anything at all?

YANBU op. I absolutely hated maternity leave both times. I thrive much more at work and in adult conversation that isn’t about naps and teething.

My first mat leave was in lockdown, so I first went to baby groups with DC2 and struggled to bond with the mums.

I was utterly miserable on maternity leave; being at home alone with only a baby for company for 12 hours a day IS misery making. My top tip:

Stop going to baby groups. Toddlers love a soft play or a sing song, babies couldn't give a shit. Instead go to baby friendly cinema screenings, museums, activities with friends (do you have local friends?), visit your family. Just being alive is enough stimulation for a 5 month old; it's YOU who needs the stimulation.

What time does you DH get home? Can you do activities in the evening, like meeting up with friends who are working, going to a book group or a dance class? Whatever makes YOU happy.

Or it might be possible for your DH to take some parental leave so you can go back to work? (I realise this may not appeal, but for me going back to work was like someone turning the lights back on).

Look for free or close to free drop in groups to go to in your area, we run one for £2, there’s volunteers on hand as well as other parents to chat to

You need some maternity leave friends. The music class is a good start, but you may need to join a few things to find the ones that are friendly - don't rule out the cheap and cheerful toddler groups or library sessions. You might make actual friends or just people who are in a similar situation to pass the time and shared experiences with and that's fine too. Do make an appointment with GP too.

We lived abroad when DS was born, I was very lonely as had no family around. I went out A LOT, this was my routine from 8 weeks until about 7 months when I had to go back to work:

Monday - feeding support coffee group
Tuesday - local mum coffee group
Wednesday- baby sensory class
Thursday - mum and baby pilates
Friday - I'd keep it free and either see DH for lunch or do something else

A few of the same women attended all the above and I made friends with them. We had nothing else in common but it was nice to have someone adult conversation, even if it was just about babies etc.

It was hard work getting out every morning but it was so worth it. I'd be back by 12/1 and spend the afternoon at home.

Hey OP
When I had my two little ones I only functioned every day because I had a group of women in the same position from NCT and we all sort of kept each other going.
Some have stayed friends 11 years later, some I've lost contact with.

In the early days it is very tiring and lonely. You're not the only one.

My advice would be to go on your local FB page, ours has a local area for what's on with kids.
Try and go to something every day, they're not all paid for classes, there's usually a free library thing once a week, baby sensory, sing and sign, baby music, outdoor baby club, church hall stay and plays etc
They're all absolutely awful but they all have OTHER MUMS there, and teas and coffees.

I hate small talk, I'd find it easier to fight a drunk bloke (I am a police officer lol) than talk to mums at school gates, but there will be women who will help you and chat.
You will get through this. It really is a small phase in your life
Best wishes

Had they not been over for weeks?

op.. you haven’t responded re friends?

Can you go and stay with your Mum for a few days. I always found it lonely at home with a small baby but l would go and stay at my Mom's every now and then just for a change of scene. Do you and your dh do things at the weekend? Does he mind the baby so you can get to a gym or somewhere you like to go.
Did you just finish breastfeeding as that can change the whole hormone thing too making you a bit weepy.
But overall it's very common to be lonely and that is why there is so many mom groups.

Join more groups! I know someone that had 2 booked in most days 😅

Think I did 3 a week - a chilled play group, a music class and a baby massage class. As baby got older I found a local mums walking group. Made friends at these and did random meet ups with them. Coffees after class, WhatsApp groups, meeting up in park when it was nice out.

By the end I was out most days doing something if I wanted to.

Yanbu. It's hard. My little girl is 4 and a half months and honestly same. Make sure you get to groups when they are back on to try make some mum friends and if it just doesn't help definitely reach out to HV or GP.

My gosh no wonder! There's a unique loneliness to being with a baby and no adult company. I moved hundreds of miles when my son was 6 weeks old and was so so lonely. Moved near family but their own health changed and I rarely saw them, felt so sad to have left my friends and community. I downloaded peanut and made two amazing lifelong friends there and also went to lots of groups and made some friends there too, sometimes takes time but it really isn't natural for a post-partum mum to be alone all day with a baby, were a social species. We need the village, some more than others.

Big hug, I remember that time well. It gets easier I promise xxx