It’s my birthday tomorrow….my teens don’t care

They save their pocket money or birthday money. They ask their nanny to help them. They are proactive. @canarywharfs wanted thought. Thought doesn't need to be expensive. It needs time and consideration. My kids are 6 and 7 they make me a card, draw me a picture, and make me breakfast in my birthday. This year the brought me a elephant keyring and mango shower gel. I was delighted. They thought what i would like.

Happy birthday from me. Time to start spoiling yourself, I think. Perhaps start doing less for your teens as you appear to be taken for granted but let them know you still love them. It may be a phase but they should still appreciate what you do for them.

It's sad but I'd play them at their own game for birthdays & yes at Christmas too, not even a thank you is a disgrace, they sound spoilt. My son thanked me this week when I took him to the dentist for a filling 😆 Treat yourself for your birthday

Happy Birthday to you!
I hope you found a lovely outfit today, and enjoy the show on Friday!💐

Wishing you a very Happy Birthday.❤️ This is shit for you. It's a very crap part of being a single parent. I would make sure i did something nice for myself. Don't mention your birthday to the kids again. They will recognise they are being ungrateful spoiled shits at some point. Would be good if you had someone to point this out to them though!! 😃

Happy Birthday, @canarywharfs! Enjoy your concert on Friday.

With respect to your DC, I don't know what to say but that I suspect that their father feels more precious to them in terms of "occasions" as they know they can count on your love any day of the week, month, or year, whereas their father is much more unreliable so they feel the need to make an effort with him, whilst you're just there, always. Sucks to be you, as they say.

Happy Birthday OP 🥳 Having read your posts, my advice to you was going to be exactly what you’ve already done - hit them with the hard truth. I’ve always said to my son that the bare minimum is a card, doesn’t have to cost a penny because there’s paper and pens at home. He’s 14 and autistic so doesn’t quite understand why it means so much to me, and it’s taken many times of me telling him how genuinely hurt I am (I am a 100% solo parent, my own parents wouldn’t even doing anything on his behalf). As I’ve said to him - it doesn’t matter if it’s not important to them, it’s important to you and that’s what should matter. Hope things looks up from here!

YANBU. But they are teens, they cannot see this from your pov - you are their mum and they have yet to understand you are a fully fleshed out human not there to service their needs. I think telling them that you are hurt by their lack of appreciation and then taking yourself out for a nice dinner or something is probably the way to go OP. Happy Birthday.x

Happy birthday for today @canarywharfs
Your post has honestly made me so sad for you. YANBU; it absolutely sucks that your DC make zero effort for your birthday when you do so much for them. Yes, they are teenagers, who we know are inherently self-centred, but this is no excuse - especially if they can make the effort for their Dad.
I'm glad you've been honest with them about how you feel; hopefully this is the wake up call they need.
I would be tempted to match their energy though; if they can't be bothered with your birthday, then I wouldn't bother doing anythjng for theirs. See how they like it!
I hope you enjoyed your shopping trip, and have an amazing time at the concert on Friday.

tell them that you are having a birthweek this year - not a birthday. Tell them that this consists of you doing nothing for anyone else for a whole week. Buy lots of chocolates, snacks and wine and sit on the sofa watching netflix. No washing or ironing or anything that benefits anyone else.

Happy birthday, OP! I hope you’ve managed to have a lovely day & have some time for yourself to celebrate 🎂

Wow. They seem very spoilt and entitled. You need to prepare them for the real world, they seem to have very little understanding about matching energy or care/respect for anyone else.

What’s stopping you from going out for the day, a spa? A hotel away? Go and treat yourself, they are old enough to be able to make themselves dinner..they need to learn and very quickly that actions have consequences.. it’s shocking. My niece and nephew organised a party for my sister at 14 + 16 (I did help with some bits) but they led the whole thing pretty much. There was a 13 year old in the same town who started making jewellery and selling to raise money for his mother’s 40th. 9 months and he made so much, bless him. It was beautiful to watch. It’s really down to how they treat others. My children are young and make so much effort for my birthday, I also make a big deal for mine as well as theirs, even though I am not overly into mine. But it’s how they see myself being treated. I really hope they grow up and soon.

You’re not being unreasonable at all. I’ve had really similar without older 2 and it’s really really hurtful actually. Fortunately, I do have a partner and he and I make it special for each other, but not even getting so much as a happy birthday Mum sometimes from the older ones it’s really quite upsetting. Ours are grown adults (20 & 23) though but still live with us and it’s similar. I thought it was a boy thing but maybe it’s just a selfish teen thing.

Ive thought, at what point do we stop buying for them and making a fuss when we get absolutely nothing back and theyre adults? Last year I got a text from the eldest, no card, no present. It’s not even about the cost it’s the thought - not so much as a card. But then this year he went all out and brought me lots of lovely presents- so much so that I told him not to buy me anything so expensive again. So I know how you feel, you’re not alone and hopefully it will change at some point.

The tears are only because they are being made to feel guilty. Not because of genuine contrition. Nothing for the selfish twats for their birthdays this year. See how they like them apples!

Happy birthday! Today might not be the best day, but I hope you have an amazing time at the concert on Friday.
As for your kids, maybe they genuinely didn't realise how much it upset you not to make a fuss for your birthday. Hopefully next year they will do better, but I wouldn't hold it against them. Sounds like they're great kids overall and no matter what the comments say here, nearly all teenagers are selfish AHs!

Happy birthday fellow MNer, hope you have a fab time at the concert 💐

Happy birthday and good for you no their behaviour isnt ok,. Regarding tonight do you have friends or friend you could go out with tonight for dinner or to the pub and leave the kids at home, if not order yourself a takeaway and not them, if they want dinner they can cook it and as for your daughter i would seriously buy her a plant and pajamas see how she likes it,.,ASDA is lovely she could have got you flowers toiletties something for the house or food wine chocolates cuddy toy nice card a cake etc etc etc

Happy birthday.

Tell them both honestly all the stuff you’ve told us here. If you play it down, how are they to know how upset you are? I would hope they wouldn’t want you to be sad and will try to be nicer. You will probably have to have the same heart to heart next year too, young people seem to have brains like sieves.

I do worry that in protecting kids from adult arguments and such, we’ve gone too far and protected them from seeing any strong emotion. Now they don’t know how to identify emotions in others or what to do about it. Many young people with good parents, live in a world where only their emotions count. Both of your children are at an age where that needs to change.

Wow..."Needy" - No. Please encourage love, hugs, and affection. It makes for healthy relationships.

It sounds like whomever thinks this is needy behaviour, has some narcissistic and gaslighting behavioural issues, and issues that have gone unresolved and need some intense therapy.

Happy birthday to you 🎂 🥂 xx. Hope you have a lovely day, don’t worry about those two, go out with your friends and have a great time, one day they’ll grow up and show their appreciation more, develop some more hobbies, because one day they’ll leave home and you don’t want to feel like an empty nester. Don’t take your daughter away for the weekend again for now, and teach them to say please and thank you and don’t give them everything they ask for. Make them do more work around the house and in return they may get something back. Good luck!

Please sell the football tickets and buy yourself something. Do not continue to enable your children's behaviour by rewarding poor behaviour . Let him know you sold them and will no longer be doing anything for them or their birthdays. You are the parent here and they need a firm lesson - Sometimes the best lessons are the hardest ones. Tough love can be the best kind of love for our children to learn strong lessons, going forward.

I hope you treated yourself today. Make your own fun. Order a take-away, bottle of wine, a birthday cake, and don't share any of it with them. Happy birthday!

Have a lovely birthday, OP. ❤🍰

It's one thing for them to feel bad, but are they intending to step up in future? Or is this just, 'Mum made a fuss' and it will be out their head in a day? Nothing stopping your 'sorry' DS going out to the shops today to buy you flowers and a card, is there?

I'd still be in the camp of sending, 'I'll match the effort you put into my birthday' text to DD if any more is said about her wish list for October..

My husband did this to me last year. Made me open my presents a day early so he could go to rugby training on my birthday. My birthday consisted of work and taking my daughter to an appointment for her. I told him to expect the same energy for his. He didn't believe me and was absolutely shell shocked when i did exactly that. Sometimes they need actions not words x

As parents if we don't point out behaviour that isn't nice, exactly who will?

They grow into adults and friends move on from them.
I definitely had a few me me casual friends.
I had zero interest in explaining shit to them, so when I saw selfish behaviour, I moved on.

People with self-esteem will not hang around and wait for selfish people to cop on and catch up.

They move on.
This is not unusual behaviour from some teens, it's all in the handling of it, explaining it, and not tolerating it.

Happy Birthday lovely. Go and treat yourself. Go out on your own for lunch , have a nice glass of pink Prosecco . Go to the supermarket on your way home , get a couple of cans of premixed cocktails , a lovely bunch of flowers and a ready meal and a big slice of cake . Close living room door and tell them no interruption's and do nothing for your kids tomorrow .Have a lovey day and again Happy Birthday 🥳