It’s my birthday tomorrow….my teens don’t care

So it is selective selfishness. I would be looking forward to their next birthday. They would be lucky to get £20 and no cake or decorations.
Please do it to them, there is nothing like tasting your own medicine.
You get what you deserve in life.,

Happy Birthday for tomorrow.

I’d down tools foe the day - when they look for dinner say that it’s your birthday and you thought they’d cook something, the same with any other meal. If they ask for lifts or you do do something for them - just say it’s your birthday and you’re having a few days off from running around after them.

The day after your birthday sit the down and say how disappointed you are in them. Factual not emotional. That gifting is a circle you give as well as receive. They don’t have to spend much/anything - an offer to cook dinner, s birthday breakfast, bake a birthday cake between them, a hand-drawn birthday card, organise a family night where you play board games/watch a move. It’s the thought and effort that counts.

Tell them that going forward, the birthday and Christmas presents budget will now be divided by three. You will spend as much on something for yourself as them, so a third of the usual spend on each. That they have to sort their own presents to one another. You aren’t going to be spending ages thinking of gifts from them either, it will be vouchers or cash. And then stick to it until they start being more thoughtful towards you.

This

Read the riot act, tell them that you're really hurt by their behaviour, ask them how they'd like it if you behaved like that . Get upset and let them see how their behaviour has made you feel. I don't believe in emotional manipulation but neither should you hide the fact that you're a human with emotions

I think id sit down with them this evening, and let them know, as they are nearly adults, tomorrow will set the tone for all birthdays going forward.
So, if there are no cards, cake, presents, time spent with the birthday person, that will be replicated later in the year.

Then, tomorrow morning, Id got out (if not at work!), do sonething for you - coffee and cake, a mooch round the shops, a walk with a friend - whatever takes your fancy - and see what tomorrow afternoon brings from the teens.

I hope you have a lovely birthday - with or without your kids.

I'd be getting that money back from DD and spending it on my favourite dinner tomorrow. Alone.

They get a card for their dad who is barely around, without any help from you, but they don't get you one? That would make me want to scream. Also I would ask them why they don't get you a card when they do get one for their dad. I'd want to hear what they said about that.

As pp have said, dial back the effort. Their birthdays have just passed, I can see, but take @TheFormerMrsTruelove's advice and drop the effort right down for Christmas.

Treat yourself tomorrow. You deserve it.

So they get a card for their dad and not you?

Do they blame you for the separation at all?

Your DD not even thanking you for a weekend doing her stuff just shows they seem to take you for granted.

Stop doing stuff for them. Stop prompting them. Start saying no. If your DD asks why you won't do something then just say "well last time we spent a weekend doing things for you, you didn't even say thank you so I assumed you didn't enjoy it and wouldn't want to do stuff again..."

Happy birthday for tomorrow! Go and do something nice on your own.

Thats awful but why are they behaving like this? Why have they become so selfish and thoughtless?
I am also a single parent to 2 DD now 24 and 18. They also have a lousy father.
I definitely overcompensated. Birthdays were always a big deal. Holidays etc.
But they always made a fuss back. When they were little they would draw and make things for me. Repurpose things of their own for my birthday and Xmas.
As they got older they bought little things and then took note of what I mentioned and bought those. My older DD1 sent a gift of my favourite cheeses when she was in australia.
How have you allowed them to become so thoughtless and mean.
Have a wonderful day. Go and do something for yourself. Then tell them how you feel. And that you do stuff for them because it gives you pleasure to make them happy not to expect anything in return but you had hoped they would learn from you that it makes you feel good to make people you care about happy.

Make a list of everything you do for them including any housework / washing / lifts etc
Then identify how many of these things they can do for themselves. If they can operate a phone or tablet they can operate a washing machine air fryer or a hoover. Lifts are a privilege that need to be earned
Payment for phone contract needs to be earned.
Fully agree with how effective getting just yourself a take away will be.

Happy birthday

Well that's going to be fun for the OP! Dragging along 2 unwilling thoughtless teens - I can imagine the (lack of) conversation.

Ignore their next birthdays.

I would make sure that they knew how disappointed you feel. Not shouting just calmly point out how unkind it is to not make a bit of effort . A homemade card , a cupcake with a candle , just acknowledgement would have been nice. After all they wouldn't like it if you ignored their birthday.

Happy Birthday to you for tomorrow 🎂

Book somewhere nice and make them go with you.

Absolutely! They need a right kick up the arse. Give them a shock on their next birthdays and when they start moaning remind them of this.

Allowing yourself to be at the bottom of everyones list of priorities is doing yourself a disservice. You matter too.

Happy birthday to you tomorrow!

As some others suggested I would probably start doing less for them. They seem to be taking you for granted and somehow along the way they've learned they can just treat you any old way and you just take it

Im so sorry @canarywharfs it is really rotten that they treat you this way. My DS moved in with his Dad 5 years ago and I haven't had a card or present since, I mostly get a happy birthday late afternoon. I wish I could bring myself to not get him anything (he's 21 soon)but I cant. I have hugely scaled back how much I spend on him and I suspect if I had an argument with him he would tell me not to bother.

Strange their Dad gets a lovely gift and card on his birthday 🙄

Anyway happy birthday for tomorrow! I hope you spoil yourself because you deserve it x

Come on, of course she's going to take it personally. It IS personal! And honestly, mine don't kill themselves but they make a hell of a lot more effort than that (and I don't do nearly so much for them as OP does for hers). Not all teenagers are this selfish and self absorbed.

Happy Birthday for tomorrow 🌸, take yourself off somewhere nice, even if it's with a sandwich and a flask of funds are challenged.

I completely understand why you’d feel like that, it’s human nature to want to give your DC everything you have to make their lives as wonderful as you can. But look at how they are after you having made all that effort for them? They’re lazy and selfish and entitled and they take you completely for granted.

I think you need to see what happens in the morning. If they surprise you, then great (I don’t believe they will, but it’s sod’s law that if you say anything today, then they’ll show you the cards and thoughtful gifts they’ve got for you!). In the morning, when no birthday wishes are forthcoming, talk to them both. Tell them you work really hard to give them everything you can and you are so disappointed that all your hard work has just turned them into selfish children. Make sure they understand that it’s not about gifts, and that bringing you a cup of tea and toast in bed with a big hug and a happy birthday, or offering to cook spag Bol for dinner, or equivalent, would have been equally appreciated. Tell them that you’ll be matching energy from now on, so to bear that in mind going forward.

Don’t ask them what they want for Christmas. When they try to give you lists in a few months, ask them why they’re giving it to you, tell them that you’ll have a look later and might get something off it if you have time to go into town. Shrug your shoulders and ask them what it is they want from you. You know that they don’t appreciate it when someone makes an effort, so you don’t know what they’re expecting. I’m not saying you shouldn’t buy them anything. I don’t think you could bring yourself to do that. But they need to have that wake up call that it’s a distinct possibility and that it’s their behaviour that has caused this reaction. And then you have to stop spoiling them. It’s not helping them.

And happy birthday for tomorrow 💐🎉🎂

That's what I'm wondering
.they must be interpreting something wrongly

I mostly agree with this ^, but just wanted to say that if they phone you, I wouldn't pick up, but would message them to say that you are treating yourself to a nice day on your birthday, and they shpuld only contact you if it's an emergency / you'll speak to them when you get home.

I wouldn't want to use not answering your phone as a way to make a point - it couod backfire & tjey could follow suit in the future.

I do think it's a less organic learning process for kids of a single parent. From being toddlers our kids were taken out by the other parent to buy birthday gifts, and encouraged and helped to make cards/gifts/ a cake. And so everyone's birthday was seen as a big deal.

If there isn't a second adult demonstrating that the other parents birthday is important, fun, and something to be celebrated together, the kids are less likely to just pick that up

I have been doing this for a while now. I mirror everyone in my life. If they don't make an effort, I don't.