It’s my birthday tomorrow….my teens don’t care

You shouldn't to spell it out and guilt trip your own children, but in this case, it seems this is what you do have to do.

If they still actually do nothing, then they need to feel the consequences. Go to a hotel and leave them to it and tell them you are so hurt you don't want to speak to them. Expect a LOT more. It's not hard really, is it. Don't let them go into adulthood thinking this is ok and they can take you for granted.

They aren't so little that they can't hear a few home truths. I'd arrange a lovely day for yourself. Then at some point I'd have a word with them both about the lack of effort and kindness towards you. Motherhood isn't about being a martyr. I'd scale their birthdays right back so £50 in a card and a cake. If they want weekends away they can do that on their own money. Their dad being useless is on him. They aren't just going to have an epiphany out of nowhere. We set the standards of how we should be treated.

Same....
My son is now 32.
Never had a birthday card after he left home, he couldn't even call his only living grandparent on their 90th Birthday.
I too felt the 'mum guilt' as his dad wasn't in his life, but at some point you realise that its become a one way relationship.

I would go out and treat myself (or better still, meet a friend for a celebration) but i I'd be back for early evening. Just to give them one least chance to have planned something for you. And if they haven't, you have The Talk with them next day.

Exactly. My 16-year-old is incredibly thoughtful when giving me gifts and doesn't need any prompting or reminding.

Raise the bar!

OP, I'm sorry but they are really not "lovely kids" if they can behave like this towards their mum. It's truly appalling. I have 3 teens and yes, they can be self-centred at times, but then would never ignore my birthday. I can't even imagine this.

I think you have to sit them down right now. Tell them that tomorrow is your birthday and you are expecting them to make an effort. A significant effort, seeing as they made none last yiesr. Tell them that if they don't, you will be devastated and they are both old enough to grasp this. You are NOT being dramatic. Stop making excuses for them. Tell them you deserve a little better and if they still choose, despite all you have said, to make no effort tomorrow, then they have set the tone for their own birthdays in future. STOP accepting this. They need to grow up and recognise their own mum as a human being. Xx

That's true. Maybe best to wait and see what happens in the morning. But don't expect anything. I wouldn't hang around all day in hope though. OP is already in pain at how dismissive they are. At very least, she needs to start treating herself the way she wants to be treated. Her own behaviour towards herself is something she has 100% control over, so she needs some good birthday treats and try to feel empowered, not sad, that she is doing this for herself.

That's really not true. I'm sorry that it's been your reality. But all the teens and ying adults in my extended family and friendship groups take the trouble to celebrate and mark their parents' birthdays

I mean, if you want to put any kind of positive spin on it - at least they feel secure enough in your love that they don't feel they have to 'buy' it, as they do with their father.

They take you for granted because they think you will always love them and they don't need to put in any effort to reciprocate.

To be fair, they do usually grow out of this. But a good therapeutic shout might do you all some good.

Your kids are rude and spoiled and they don’t respect you. They ignored your big birthday last year but you didn’t pull them up on it, and still got them big presents this year. That was a mistake. If they don’t get you anything this year sit them down and explain this isn’t acceptable and you won’t be paying for any birthday treats, phones, allowance, driving lessons etc unless their attitudes change.
Eta also arrange sth nice like lunch with your mum or a friend that doesn’t include them.

That's terrible! My 16-year-old daughter goes all out for my birthday and Christmas and I actually have to tell her not to spend too much of her money on me! She also tells my parents (who are terrible gift-givers) what to buy me as she noticed that they don't seem to know me at all 😂

I would be so hurt, go out to the cinema or the theatre tomorrow and stop doing so much for the ungrateful brats.

OP are you working tomorrow?

If not go and buy yourself a tiara ( I always wear one on my birthday) and some bubbles.
Get a nice Marks and Spencer meal and a new book. Let them make their own tea

I started going out with friends on my birthday about ten years ago when my DC were teenagers (13 & 17) I picked a Friday nearest to my date and had a slap up lunch with my friends.
I use to get forgotten as I am December born. My DH works even longer at Christmas and he's rubbish at organising social events. I get a lovely lunch, presents and feel spoilt. If that's not for you order in as above.
On two occasions my daughter has joined us.

I now receive presents.

Oh babe, you're not unreasonable. Their dad should be reminding them as well. Go out with a friend for the day - sod the ungrateful little brats ((((hugs))))

They may be good kids, but teenager brains are not always that good at "being kind" (ironically, as they seem to like to say that a lot).

Tomorrow, I'd sit them down and be frank about how it's upset you, and as they couldn't be arsed to do something as simple as saying Happy Birthday, then you have decided to spend money on yourself and you are going out somewhere nice for the day and doing nice treats for yourself. Ask them if they would like you to match their energy in future on their birthdays?

Happy birthday for tomorrow x
My 27 year old son is similar. I’ve given him so much , gladly. Even when I was married to his dad , it was me who did the paying, the gifting etc. I organised his dad’s funeral last year and sorted out his hideously messy end of life and estate/finances. All him and his girlfriend care about is how quickly they can get their hands on the rest of his money.
I didn’t even get a Xmas card last year.
Go and treat yourself and do something nice for you. We need to learn to give less and care less , but I know it’s not easy.

I would honestly not do anything on their next birthdays and then talk to them about how it made them feel and say that's how you felt too

No need to be so sad and regretful about it..My kids are also lovely with others and excel at school, with lots of friends. They just take me and DH for granted sometimes.
I also overcompensated with one of mine. Learnt not to do so with the other.
Now think what you want to do tomorrow and do it. If really skint, even a day wandering around a museum or art gallery feeding your soul

They sound brats. Stop indulging them. No effort from you for next Christmas and birthdays. Let them see how they like it.

Im feeling this.
On Mother’s Day a few years ago no one got up, no one gave me a card, no one gave me a gift. I put a huge amount of effort into people‘s birthdays and father‘s day. I went mental. Shouted at all of them and gave them both barrels. I told them I’d be meeting all their birthdays and fathers days with the same energy. Then I bought myself what I wanted. It’s never happened again but every year now I decide what I want and I buy it for myself.
They are at an incredibly selfish age. But old enough to understand they’ve hurt you. Stop sheltering them, but Id give them a shock. Leave them in bed and take yourself out for the day. Don’t tell them and don’t tell them where you’ve gone. A lovely lunch, cinema, walk, whatever makes you feel like you. A day for you. Don’t leave them food - let them fend themselves and come back really late. Let them see what you do with your absence.
that would be me but I’m really pissy like that. You deserve to be noticed, seen and appreciated. Have a lovely day x

Yabu teens really aren’t going to be interested in your birthday, ditto young adults. To be honest they are only interested in their birthday to get presents and/or excuse to drink. It’s best just not to care what others are doing and instead do something for yourself, I often used to book the family holiday over my birthday so at least I would be doing something nice I planned! Perhaps I’m unusual but as middle aged adult now I’m not that inclined to celebrate being older anyway

They genuinely are lovely kids, like I say, never really had any real issues with either of them but they are 100% selfish.

But they are NOT lovely. They treat you like you're scum

You're not scum

Stand up and prove to them that you have self respect

But then they might say they were going to do something nice for OP but she wasn’t there! I’d wait until the next day, to be sure they really are ungrateful, thoughtless little whatsits…

Plan a whole day of treats for you: shopping or museum visit, spa and treatments. Have lunch somewhere you have always wanted to try perhaps add in a theatre trip followed by dinner at somewhere you want.

They are not thinking of you, but you can invest in yourself and your own well being, and they will definitely see you as someone other than the drudge who is always on call for them.

Let them know what you are doing is a belated birthday gift to yourself.

Have you a relative or close friend who could talk to your horribly selfish DC about your birthday? They need someone to point out to them how ungrateful and unpleasant they are being, especially if they remember DF's birthday.
I'm guessing that they just take you for granted - and they need someone to tell them not to. I think it would be better coming from another adult whose opinion they value than from you, tbh.
Happy Birthdsy for tomorrow !

Stop spoiling them

Stop now

You are worth way way more than this cunty behaviour

Steel your heart and teach them a fucking lesson or 25