AIBU to think my MIL is rattled by my opinion of her?

😁😁 at posters thinking that your MIL can’t be an awful person because you haven’t given any awful examples.

@AvocadoRules don’t. Do t ‘play with her weakness’.
Yes I’m sure it will somehow feel nice to put her back in her place again.
But you’d just stoop down to her level. Why would you do that?

Carry on like you did. Live your best life. Be happy. Do it for yourself.
Ignore her or even better go LC if not NC.

What is your dh thinking about all of it?

Can you tell us some of the awful things that she has done? What makes you think that she is a narcissist?

What sort of relationship does your husband have with her? Do you have children? If so, what is her relationship like with them?

Whose the narcissist? You've failed to detail anything your MIL is supposed to have done but you are revelling in the fact that you have upset her and wonder how you can have fun with her at her expense. I think I feel for your MIL.

Strange that shes so awful ,yet gave birth to your husband! Often MIL/DIL clash as they have similar personalities .For DH sake avoid her and dont get drawn in to her comments at all

Perhaps she is rattled as you put it.

You sound hugely judgemental of others and their shortcomings though OP. Are you a qualified psychotherapist or something? What does your DH think about all this - how is his relationship with his DM?

Just let her be. Keep your distance by all means but to find 'fun' in causing someone discomfort or hurt is never a good thing.

Did you honestly think MN was going to come up with suggestions on how to 'have fun' with being spiteful to your Mil?

I await the drip feed of how she ruined your wedding etc.

It sounds like a race to the bottom with you in the lead op . . .

I dont get why so many women on here hate their mother in laws. I wondering if its to do with power play

@Greenmouldycheese I think it many cases (not all obviously) it is because the wife is insecure and can't accept that mother/son love is different from and can sit happily next to husband/wife love. An insecure wife needs to reassure herself she is top dog and so will put the husband deliberately into positions of difficulty to flex that she is in pole position which causes strain and dislike all round. Mothers day is very revealling - tantrums about him being ONLY with the wife and NEVER spending time with his mother. LOL.

Well your MIL’s words of wisdom were very wise. You don’t sound particularly nice, you don’t like your MIL so why not just avoid contact with her.

Asking how you could have fun with knowing she knows you don’t like her is coming across as bullying behaviour.

Hmmmm this post does not reflect well on you op

Not all nasty people are narcissists.

For what it's worth I have met some people who behave in a mean and spiteful way and yet got very upset if anyone retaliated and called them a nasty name after being on the receiving end of their behaviour. I don't know if they are oblivious or playing down their meanness in their heads. People like how the OP describes her MIL do exist but it's anyone's guess what this woman is really like from a one sided forum post.

Op. Maybe there’s more to it, loads of examples of where she has been nasty, but you haven’t given any! Going on only what you have written, you have essentially asked if it would be funny to be deliberately nasty and spiteful to someone?!? You have managed to get across that it is you who is unpleasant, not her. I’m assuming either a reverse, or because you know all the examples of her previous narcissistic behaviour, you forgot that we weren’t aware of them!

What does your DH think?

I doubt she's a narcissist. It's funny how many people on MN diagnose their MILs as a narcissist.

Anyway I think the problem is you.

You say

>>>>"yes, she is a nice person you know" and got all flustered.
>>>>More recently I was with them, and someone also present asked her to impart some wisdom to which she replied something very close to "I've come to realise that if someone has an opinion of you, that is not correct, then there is nothing you can do about that, you know yourself, and you know you are a good person and that is all that matters. It doesn't matter what they think". I think she is angry at me for seeing her true colours.

but then claim

My MIL is a narcissist. She ticks every one of the boxes.tl

Both of these cannot be true.

I know about narcissistic personality disorder. A narcissist has a grandiose rock solid belief in their godlike status. They would never get 'flustered' by a comment about their child or be 'rattled' by someone who didn't like them. Their response is to immediately dismiss any response that challenges their worldview of their perfect status by devaluing or dismissing the source to minimise the criticism in their mind. Cf Donald Trump as a working example "fake news" "piggy" "rude terrible person" "dumb as a rock" "didn't have the mental capacity needed". Narcissists don't get flustered because they devalue the source as stupid.

Her response which is. in other words, I know I'm a good person so I shouldn't get hung up on what people who don't like me think, is a much more 'normal' non-narcisst response. She is trying to reassure herself by repeating out loud that we should ignore criticism and quell those internal voices that have a tendency to latch on to them by focusing on what we think about ourselves

So it is far more likely that you have a hostile attitude to your MIL which she is trying to navigate rather than she is a narcissist. You are projecting narcissism on to her which her behaviour doesn't support. She may not like you too. If this has been the case for years and years, it is not likely (narcissist or not) that she is 'rattled' by you because people tend not care what people they dislike and they know dislike think. She said as much to you 'doesn't matter what they think"

The situation here is that if you are being rude to her, rather than being rattled or flustered, she will just be adding it to her list of reasons why she doesn't like you and seems with some justificiation!!!

The OP either won't come back because the answers didn't go her way.

Or she will, but with a story about how her MIL drowned a bag of kittens in the local canal.

Just leave her alone, and live your life. You don't like her, she doesn't like you -- there seems no reason to stress about this. I mean, my MIL isn't crazy about me, but I'm quite fond of her in the abstract, in that I understand the pressures in her childhood that led to her becoming the tactless and unimaginative person she grew up into. Her circumstances (eldest daughter of thirteen kinds, philandering father, dirt poor, raised to cook and clean for and defer to her brothers) didn't allow for her to be otherwise.

She's only in your life because of who you married, and if you love her son, presumably tormenting his mother isn't high on your list of priorities?

Tbh, you said your piece already. You have gotten under her skin. Do you really have to twist the knife now or could you rise above it and just get on with your life. There's making a point and going too far. You are at that crossroad now.

You sound like one of those people who try to make themselves look better by trying to make other people look bad.

You have been very clear that you dislike her and her family, except, presumably, your husband. What makes her a narcissist in your opinion? Why are you spending time in the company of a family you don’t want to be with.

I’d hazard a guess that she’s given up trying with you.

I dont get why so many women on here hate their mother in laws. I wondering if its to do with power play. My mother in law is a wonderful woman and I cant imagine speaking about her in this way. You say that shes not nice yet you give no examples. You are also making very passive aggressive comments to her so its no wonder she doesnt like you either.

I have two sons and I hope I never encounter women like you when they are older. Maybe you need to do some self reflecting here.

Asking strangers online how to make someone miserable??
It says a lot more about you than her tbh.

I agree.

If you can’t stand her, minimise contact and be gracious and reasonable.

Sounds like you are sinking to her level.

How does the hate and annoyance at you thriving manifest itself?

It's not always as fun in the moment but in the long run it's better to behave in a way that you can live with and try to hold yourself to good standards.