AIBU to think my MIL is rattled by my opinion of her?

@AvocadoRules
Friend of mine had the same problem
And MIL rallied around those taken in and was difficult to friend and her partner who'd always been seen as the loser within the family circle because he's really kind and thoughtful too
When friend had children she called MIL out
After being told she should've had a strong boy first not a weak girl and after ensuing argument
Never set foot/visited ever again
But ironically FIL died
And partners siblings didn't want MIL living with them and with her health not good needed transport for various hospital visits etc
So has reached out to friend now a SAHM
who refused her
And reminded her of the past
And you know what?
MIL stood there and tore into her yet again,
So I say to @AvocadoRules
She will always hate you and yours
Keep your distance
But always be aware
She won't ever change as
You're smarter than she'd like

In my case, it's because she just isn't very nice to me. Possibly she struggles with the mother/son and husband/wife thing, I'm not sure.

There's no power play. My husband sees her. My children see her. I think those relationships are very important so I encourage and facilitate as much as I need to. She's not a fan of mine and so I see her a couple of times a year.

Why spend so much time with her?

Have fun with what? She’s your husband’s mother. All that is needed is for you to treat her with respect.

They say men often marry their mothers. Posts like yours do seem to prove it true. If she's half as bad as you say, you sound like two peas in a pod.

MN seems to have accepted 'but you don't like her' as somehow a damning indictment of a person. Not liking someone is allowed. In-laws don't always like their children's partners and the same is true in reverse. That's fine. It's life.

In these circumstances people owe each other the very basics of civility and courtesy. Anything more than that is a bonus and if the reverse is true, a cordial yet distanced relationship is absolutely fine.

Problems start to arise when one or both sides can't respect this. Just be polite, and as far as possible stay out of each other's way.

You’re asking people how you can have fun with this?
Hmm, I’d like to hear your MIL’s version of events

I am sure your MIL is a right bastard, but suspect you’ve become a bit emotionally dysfunctional with her- in that you actively hate her but she still has a hold on you which means you can’t let go. I think it’s quite common and I was the same with my ex MIL who was just awful, but I spent far too much time trying to prove how awful she was because we were stuck in this weird dance together. Also, she really brought out the worst in me so I can relate to you being a bit of an arsehole too.

you’ll be able to let go when you’re ready. Or she’ll die first

You don't sound very nice to be honest !

She’s nasty but you want to “have fun with her” now you’ve got her rattled.
You know how they say men often marry women like their mothers…,

You sound really unpleasant OP, you don't seem to like your MIL at all! Talking about "having fun" like this is horrible. Just try to get on and be civil to her - your DC will benefit from a good relationship with their grandparents.

I doubt OP is lying as narcissistic people are a nightmare, but she has made the mistake of not giving examples of the actual behaviours towards her and her DH, in her initial post, and then basically gone straight on to ask for ideas of revenge to get to her MIL. So the empathy OP was expecting didnt materialise when PPS saw the revenge part

I am very sorry but the fact you are even considering to 'have fun with this' shows your true colours and maybe your husband has married someone similar to his mother. Your 'really' in relation to her comments about this sister is just another example of if you really wanted to avoid angst and drama you would not stoke the fire.

You dont have to do anything.
Shes doing it to herself at this point.
Just let that continue.

Take a deep breath

You are in danger of letting her behaviour change you

I'll assume she has been bloody awful and you had reached the end of your tether when you spoke up. But now? You might be starting to revel in her discomfort

Take a step back from that edge. You don't have to apologise or placate her but you do have to take time to look at your own thoughts and feelings... are you now being as unpleasant as you think she is?

If you're adult enough to have a child and be married, then surely you are mature enough to realise that you are behaving like a child.
It's an uncomfortable read from you.
Glee...
Playing games... Yada yada.

I'm a MIL, although I'm not as my son and his ex split up soon after baby born. It was a happy accident
4 years on, I love my not DIL, I love my granddaughter. We've had words, usually regarding my son. There have been periods of no contact. Purely through anger and being a new young Mum.
We text weekly now, we've agreed not to mention my son. We share days out and just... Get on...

You @AvocadoRules have nothing to work on and nothing to moan about because you are too immature to appreciate what you have.

Carry on with your childish nurr nurr at Mil. It's your child that loses out.

Im ignoring the pile on and coming back to you on your original post.

Your MIL does not think shes a bad person, in fact shes thinks shes lovely. grey rock her and don't make anymore comments or remarks. Its not your job to show her. Maintain your boundaries and best of luck X

You really don’t sound pleasant OP. And based on things you’ve said, I suspect your MiL’s behaviour is based on yours too.

Are you sure you are a nice person?

Just stay out of each other’s way. You sound pretty horrible to be honest, with the “I could have fun with this” remark. It must be awful for your husband with you two sniping about each other all the time.

Narcissist is one of the most over used insults. Can you not just try and get on with her

I'm sure it did, temporarily. But it's not going to do her or you any favours in the longer term. It's only human, if you've felt someone's disapproval for years, to be pleased when they feel the consequences of that in reverse. But that kind of gratification won't last. It will become exhausting and then sap you of positivity, like that old analogy of drinking poison and hoping the other person gets sick.

You don't like her. You don't say why, but it may be that you have good justification. In that case, you're better off being outwardly civil to her and staying out of her way. Hell, avoid her entirely if she's that bad. But tit for tat games are not going to end well, so let her get on with it.

A phrase I find helpful is 'what other people think of me is none of my business'.

The opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference. And nothing ticks off narcissists more than people who are indifferent to them.

Try to be indifferent to her, for real. If you can't, fake it til you make it. Don't waste thought or energy on her.

Right? that comment about the MILs daughter was really unnecessary and makes me think OP is the actual asshole in this situation .......

You're sounding like a petulant child stomping their feet and flouncing off because things aren't going your way.

Who knows? You may be right. Your MIL may be utterly awful but based on what you've shared, no one can be sure as there really isn't much to go on.

What we can say is asking how 'to have fun' with making someone uncomfortable definitely sounds mean-spirited and like bullying. We certainly have more evidence of you not being a nice person vs your MIL.