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Original poster

Women who are assertive, and disliked for it

64 replies

bjorni9 · 31/08/2026 11:22

Have you ever come across a woman who is really assertive, and disliked for it? My son is part of a sports club run by volunteers. One of the women is incredibly assertive and people seem to severely dislike her for it. Anyone trying to bend rules thay other staff members let go don't slide with her, if she feels that something hasn't been handled correctly she will say it and provide a solution, sje has no favourites, she will pull people up when their kids are not behaving appropriately. Every single time I have seen her do this she has been entirely reasonable. Interestingly people seem to dislike her for it, and I seem to be the only one that is actually quite inspired by her. Has anyone come across this before? Or maybe you are this person?

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 31/08/2026 11:55

Me and my DD's are assertive, it does get you disliked or ridiculed, especially if you are attractive. It comes naturally, the older women in our family were assertive and bold. I've had women bosses and there's been the usual sexist jokes about them just needing a good fucking. The women are, bitches, the men strong leaders. The women rude, the men don't beat around the bush. I find other women judge women who don't dress things up and play the 'hun/hug' game.

PurplebudsWhitebuds · 31/08/2026 11:52

bjorni9 · 31/08/2026 11:35

She is genuinely just very fair. For example someone asked if their child could still have a trophy even though he hadn't taken part in the amount of tournaments needed to qualify (by quite a fair way). One of the coaches said I'm sure they could sort something out. The parent then asked her as she sorts the trophies, and she very gently explained that it isn't fair on the other children and parents who have taken part in all the qualifying tournaments, but they would happily sort out a medal for him, and that if they bent the one rule for one they would habe to do it for everyone who asks. I thought this was very fair, but parents now think she is a 'bit of a bitch'. These are the kind of examples.

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Well she wasn't being a bitch at all and it would have been totally unfair for a child to get a trophy if they didn't qualify for it. If there is any anger to be directed any where it should be at the parent who was cheeky enough to expect special treatment for their child!

TheseGloriousDays · 31/08/2026 11:44

bjorni9 · 31/08/2026 11:36

Does it come naturally to you or have you had to work on it?

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I believe it to be innate! I remember the first time I spoke out about a perceived injustice I was six. A friend of mine was being told off for something at school that they didn't do so I stood and set the record straight. And then never really stopped...

Badbadbunny · 31/08/2026 11:43

TheseGloriousDays · 31/08/2026 11:33

I am that woman. I won't say it's ever made me poplar, but the friends I do have very much appreciate that side of me.

Me too! I'm very assertive, everywhere, i.e. family, personal, work life, etc. I take no prisoners and am definitely a "rule" person. Some people don't like it as I know I come across as aloof and opinionated, but mostly, when they get to know me, they realise that underneath the "assertive" exterior, I'm also very efficient, friend for life, fair, honest, always willing to help out, etc.

Sassylovesbooks · 31/08/2026 11:43

I'd say she's a woman who has firm boundaries in place but is fair with it too. There's nothing wrong in that at all. Unfortunately, some people don't like firm boundaries, and think they can push them, in the hope the person caves.

Original poster
bjorni9 · 31/08/2026 11:42

RosasDanceRosas · 31/08/2026 11:36

She doesn't sound terribly assertive, more someone who refuses to bend the rules, and isn't afraid to stand by that?

I've only given one example. She is very assertive. For example when they were in the AGM which club members were invited to one of the coaches was talking over her and she said 'coach if you keep talking over me before I have finished I am going to have to put everyone on mute and ask people to use the raised hand function. Thank you'. Again, she is branded as bossy, but she really wasnt. The way he was talking over her was awful and infuriating. There are a lot of examples.

OP posts:
Lomonald · 31/08/2026 11:39

Sometimes assertive women are seen as bossy aren't they ? She sounds great but I imagine some of the parents don't like their children being put in a "different light" and told their behaviour isn't appropriate that is probably why she isn't liked by them.

RosasDanceRosas · 31/08/2026 11:36

She doesn't sound terribly assertive, more someone who refuses to bend the rules, and isn't afraid to stand by that?

Original poster
bjorni9 · 31/08/2026 11:36

TheseGloriousDays · 31/08/2026 11:33

I am that woman. I won't say it's ever made me poplar, but the friends I do have very much appreciate that side of me.

Does it come naturally to you or have you had to work on it?

OP posts:
Original poster
bjorni9 · 31/08/2026 11:35

PurplebudsWhitebuds · 31/08/2026 11:31

I would really admire her for it but I do think being assertive and fair is hard line to tread and some assertive people tip over into coming over as being bossy and opinionated.
I'm not assertive. I would love to be. I will speak up more now than i did when I was younger but I would like to have the confidence of the woman you describe.

She is genuinely just very fair. For example someone asked if their child could still have a trophy even though he hadn't taken part in the amount of tournaments needed to qualify (by quite a fair way). One of the coaches said I'm sure they could sort something out. The parent then asked her as she sorts the trophies, and she very gently explained that it isn't fair on the other children and parents who have taken part in all the qualifying tournaments, but they would happily sort out a medal for him, and that if they bent the one rule for one they would habe to do it for everyone who asks. I thought this was very fair, but parents now think she is a 'bit of a bitch'. These are the kind of examples.

OP posts:
TheseGloriousDays · 31/08/2026 11:33

I am that woman. I won't say it's ever made me poplar, but the friends I do have very much appreciate that side of me.

PurplebudsWhitebuds · 31/08/2026 11:31

I would really admire her for it but I do think being assertive and fair is hard line to tread and some assertive people tip over into coming over as being bossy and opinionated.
I'm not assertive. I would love to be. I will speak up more now than i did when I was younger but I would like to have the confidence of the woman you describe.

Original poster
bjorni9 · 31/08/2026 11:30

wizzywig · 31/08/2026 11:23

If they are fair, can accept that they are not always right then I like those people

It's almost like she is disliked BECAUSE she is fair.

OP posts:
wizzywig · 31/08/2026 11:23

If they are fair, can accept that they are not always right then I like those people

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