Women who are assertive, and disliked for it

There are ways to set clear boundaries and give messages that are easier to hear

Yes, this too @Brightbluesomething - so for example, instead of telling someone bluntly that they're wrong we might say "Have you considered that ...

I guess it also comes down to having manners and empathy for how the other person might feel about whatever-it-is, and even if someone's being utterly unreasonable I find politeness gets better results than an outright row

Yes I notice at work some people really dislike it if someone new comes along and questions anything or if they just crack on and are confident in dealing with something but might perhaps dare to do so differently even where it's not a problem at all.

This just about sums it up for me, and certainly the lady sounded very fair in the examples OP gave

It also depends on how it's done and whether the person accepts that they too will sometimes make mistakes, but sadly there are also those who - perhaps not having been told no often enough - will always strop if they don't get their own way

I have a couple of Yorkshire friends and this is exactly what they are like.

Or perhaps some people are just uncomfortable with women being confident and direct, and ‘rude’ is the label they reach for when they don’t like it.

For me, my assertiveness was "in-bred" because I come from Yorkshire families, who are well known for "telling it how it is" and taking no prisoners. You know where you are when people are upfront rather than those who faff around being artificially nice and friendly to you in person but stabbing you in the back or not doing what they say will. Yorkshire folk are generally also fair and consistent, i.e. tend not to have favorites and treat everyone the same.

I think that probably means that when you know what you are doing or that you are needed, you step up to lead with confidence.
But there are times when you know that you don't feel it's right, for various reasons, then you know how to stay in the background.

That's a true leader, rather than someone whose personality trait is "assertive".

I am generally quiet, I don't like leading in all honesty. I'd always choose not to lead, and wouldn't volunteer in advance to lead.
However I have realised that when I know what I am doing, and there is a need, then I do naturally step up. You wouldn't see that I am quaking inside though. 😀

I'm pretty assertive too, and entitled people probably don't like me either. But I take the view that that is THEIR problem. I wish more people would play fair instead of playing favourites or bowing to those entitled pratts. I'm sure life would be much nicer for the rest of us.

I think i am assertive, I don't think being assertive means you have to be in control all the time. Which some people think assertive people want to be.

I think for both men and women, the assertiveness often crosses the boundary into inflexibility and confidence that they are always right and shouldn't be questioned - which can be arrogant.

Person I'm thinking about will tell you that she is loved because people love her organisation and know that she stand up for what is right.
The sort of person that joins the village committee, tells them on her first meeting they've been doing things wrong for 30 years, and is pleased when they resign as she thinks that they have just been waiting for someone who knows what they're doing to come along before they resign.
She's sort of surprised that no one else steps up to join her, but figures that people think she doesn't need help. Then is annoyed at the villagers because the annual Christmas tree get together, which started in WWII falls through due to lack of volunteers for the first time ever.
She doesn't see that the lack of volunteers is actually because she is a nightmare to work for because she will loudly say if it's "wrong" aka done differently to how she would do it, and have no flexibility to allow for people having lives to live elsewhere.

She would say that's just her assertiveness. Because she knows what is right, she can't let things lie that are wrong. I would say that's arrogance and a lack of people skills.

I like the cut of her jib. I admire it in anyone, and aspire to it myself. People (for the historical reasons we are probably all aware of) don't always expect it in a woman, and thus I admire it all the more, and hence why they take against her. Golf clubs must be a tough gig too.

All the women I know who are considered assertive, it's code for rude.

I’m quite assertive, it’s innate and I didn’t even realise it. I have no doubt my last boss hated it but mostly I don’t seem to be hated for it. I’m naturally very direct and I work hard to temper that, particularly at work.

Now I’m “of a certain age” I’m less of a people pleaser too.

Yes this would probably describe me too. Although I try to ensure that I’m fair and kind with it. There are ways to set clear boundaries and give messages that are easier to hear, although some people have an issue with any feedback, however well delivered.
I find that as a senior female leader the people I annoy the most are more junior male colleagues who need reminding of rules and policies which are there to keep them safe. Oh and misogynistic men who just don’t like me because I’m female. I particularly enjoy setting boundaries there, with a smile, knowing they’re seething.
Outside of work I’m always the one sent to complain or ask for things when I’m out with friends. I always do it respectfully but assertively. Some people literally can’t bring themselves to tell anyone if they’ve been served the wrong meal or drink and I can’t understand that.

She sounds ordinarily assertive to me, in a perfectly normal way. I mean, isn't that what we all do when someone tries to talk over us, especially in professional situations? I think you'd have to be pretty wet-lettuce-ish to think she should just have allowed herself to be talked over. Who are these people who think she's overbearing? Men? Women?

I was once told on a course that I was one of the most naturally assertive people the instructor had met. People definitely react strongly to it, some love you for it, some hate it. As I get older, people sometimes call me stroppy. I alternate between commenting that firm boundaries are not stroppy, and saying I am going to have tee shirts made.

Priti Patel would probably argue that this applies to her. Those who worked with her would disagree.

I am also this woman. I need to be at work, and I’ve been fortunate to have male colleagues who have backed and supported me over the years. Even with that support, these attitudes have made my role incredibly challenging at times.

Personally, I think it reflects the wider
perception of women in society. We are still too often viewed as less capable or less authoritative than men and expected to toe the line. A man can be assertive, confident and take ownership, and he is seen as a strong leader. When a woman displays those same qualities, she is far more likely to be labelled difficult, aggressive, controlling or intimidating. Women are expected to lead, but only in a way that makes everyone else feel comfortable.

It’s sexist. I’ve never heard the word “bossy” applied to a man either.

I’d probably be described as a similar person, I try to consider situations from all angles and to be fair but what I’ve noticed is people who are solely focussed on themselves and their personal agendas don’t like coming up against me as I’m happy to stand my ground.

People who can consider other sides and can see outside of themself do tend to like me so it doesn’t bother me.

Is it interesting or is it sexist?! I've been told I have a male type brain or a male like personality 😂

It's also interesting the way that men are never described as "opinionated". Women who express their opinions are however, including by other women.

I am naturally assertive - my mum would tell you this was apparent from birth. I am also imperturbable and self assured. I have found that people who dislike my assertiveness also dislike these other qualities.

My grandmother was assertive and took no prisoners. She was born in the Edwardian age and had a very strong sense of her "place" in the world. I take after her a lot.

Ive done several courses of assertiveness training when I was younger. I was also in management for many years and the chair of a housing co-operative. So it comes naturally to me to begin assigning roles and organising. If you try to "tell" me what to do without authority I will soon put you back in your box. Like Machiavelli's Prince I would rather be respected and feared than loved.

I know a woman like that. I also think she is inspiring.