Women who are assertive, and disliked for it

People don't like other people telling them what to do and telling them off. So it's always a fine line to tread between genuine assertiveness (which is articulating your own boundaries, what you will and won't do) and bossiness, where you stray into telling other people what you think they should or shouldn't do.
I think where people have an issue it's often because it's become bossiness. I do agree though that people tolerate this a lot less from women than men.

on my god, exactly whats happening to me right now. Have been told people are intimidated and threatened by me, but I am literally just doing my job.

Isn’t it sometimes a thing where women who own their own businesses invent an imaginary male assistant who emails clients to chase up invoices and suppliers for deadlines? The imaginary male assistant can be assertive and direct - and the female business owner gets paid on time.

Yes, a lot of people don't like naturally strong and assertive women. I'm not one myself (I wish I was, but ADHD/associated rejection sensitivity, and being brought up to be a people pleaser put paid to any hope of that). But the three most inspiring women I've known have all refused to take shit from anyone.

More likely because she is a woman and assertive, and that doesn't fit easily with what a woman is still expected to be like by many people. It's as though a certain past image of what femininity should be like is etched into people's brains even though female-appropriate is variable between cultures and eras. In any case we should not have to adhere to cultural expectations of our sex. 😍

Yep, sexism alive and well. Also, the standard "keep your head down and don't get involved" attitude at work here. Someone who cares about consistency and keeping up standards inevitably becomes the common enemy, but we need those people. Societies don't work without them. Good for her. And good for you recognising her value.

I really don’t care what you think it suggests about me. Why would I?

How assertive of you.

There’s a fine line between being assertive and being an arsehole whether you’re male or female. Sexism means it’s generally more acceptable for men to be arseholes than women. Assertiveness is generally a good thing but some people cross the line, usually the sort who “call a spade a spade”. I have no time for those people.

I really don’t care what you think it suggests about me. Why would I?

I have never come across an “assertive” woman that anyone actually likes. They tolerate her and are civil to her, but they never actually like her. They’re just rude.

And I’m a woman, before anyone spouts nonsense about only men thinking that

It takes very little for me to revert to my "dismissive teacher" voice especially with pushy males whom I delight in addressing as sonny. I am what is known as a dragon lady.

'Assertive' only means 'Rude' or 'Bossy' when it is a woman being assertive.

Men don't like women being assertive or standing their ground, and women severely dislike another woman being in charge, although they would accept the exact same thing if it were done by a man.

It really doesn't, and the fact that you think it does suggests things about you.

Doesn't sound like she's assertive more that she's set certain boundaries and is sticking to them.

But of course assertive women in general as disliked, we live in a deeply misogynistic society that to this day tries to keep women small and meek.

Yeah “assertive” usually just means “rude” and I refuse to be around that kind of person.

They think everything is a problem for them to personally solve and that everyone appreciates their input 🙄

Men are assertive, strong and good leaders.

Women are bossy, rude and the latest "Karens".

Its all misogny.

I admire anyone who can assert themselves clearly and honestly without fear of being disliked, as long as they're not unnecessarily rude or overbearing. I wonder where the dislike of this woman stems from.

Men are applauded for being assertive and forthright. Women, on the other hand, are roundly criticised for it. They are told they are shrill and bossy, and disliked.

Not fair, is it?

Well obviously it's sexist! I was using interesting as a euphemism.

From one opinionated, bossy woman to another I hope 😁

I get this afraid of me nonsense. I’m a teacher and there’s a certain group of men in their 30s who claim to find me scary. The pupils don’t find me scary at all - I asked them why and they basically just said I seemed forthright and sure of myself. I’ve been teaching for 30 years and been at my current school for 20 so yes- I am confident and will assert boundaries and not put up with bullshit.

Sadly yes , assertive women are disliked and it's unfair
Women are expected to me "nice ", to nod and smile.
To gently suggest
To pussy foot so not to hurt feelings
You can see it on MNs
The woman who wrote in who was frustrated with the neighbour with a young baby spending hours at her house and still coming around and had to be firm with the CFer
People were in the comments saying she was rude and people were suggesting that she should find mother and baby groups for her
Why?
Women's labour is not respected
Or the woman who posted about man who goaded her after she made a driving error
People were saying she wasn't "nice"
Women don't owe the world nice
Or the women who posted about her bad experience when having her baby and one posted advised she should go to the ward with chocolates and a card to show her appreciation
Women need to stand up and stop accepting bad treatment because society expects them to "be nice".

I didn't think I was particularly assertive, but when I know I'm right I'm prepared to say so and argue the point.

I was a bit taken aback to discover that the men in my friends group at university were agreed that I was scary. (I remember once firmly stating "I am NOT SCARY! I am sweet!" - yes we were mostly pissed at the time)

35 years later when my colleagues are complaining about a particular manager and I'm feeling a bit left out through not having any similar stories... turns out said manager has admitted to being scared of me😂and this despite the fact that I have cried in front of her at least twice

I’ve also experienced this from customers at work. The way I deal with it is to be very direct and matter of fact. Don’t appease the customer, tell them straight. Don't elaborate tell them in a way which isn’t rude but states that they have already been told the information, now you will repeat it once again , and make it clear that this is the end of the conversation.

Yes women are criticised for the same behaviour men are congratulated for.
Dd is very assertive she has ADHD. She manages a team of men in a male dominated environment. One time an older man repeatedly talked over her in a meeting. She said ‘Roger! You wouldn’t speak over Tim like this so do not do this to me, understand!’ From then she gained the respect of the team.
She takes no prisoners and is very good at her job.
Double standards exist everywhere.

I really like people who are direct and straightforward, it’s not rude at all. You know where you stand with them. I think people just don’t like it when women don’t behave like they are your mum. She sounds like she patiently explains things to people instead of just saying no, not rude.

I’ve had some of this directed at me at work. It’s old fashioned sexism. I can say exactly the same thing as the man next to me and he will be ‘commanding’ and ‘in control’ and I will be difficult and bossy. I challenge the person who called me the names, ask exactly what they disagree with (it’s always ‘tone’, never content) then call out a similar situation a male colleague handled and ask if Bob too was bossy when he said ‘x’. Never is funnily enough. So I say ‘so my crime is managing whilst female?’ They pretty much slink off. They don’t come back but then I hear they are ‘afraid of me’. Fucks sake!