To find the use of the word ‘fiancé’ irritating?

Its definitely a me problem, I haven’t claimed otherwise. As I say, I am perfectly happy for people to use the word if it suits them. As is their right.

Its my right to find it twee and cringeworthy. And I do.

English is such a wonderfully magpie language – it thieves anything shiny! I love the use of loanwords.

I don't like it either and I have been married for a very long time. I'm not jealous it's just very annoying!

They might be. They’re not relevant though. Any more than a language learner who moves from one language to her native language out of necessity is relevant.

I had an ex who would get really annoyed if I said "al dente" because that was a 'yuppie word'. I'm not sure if he thought I'd made it up.

It's not the reason he was an ex, but on reflection probably should have been.

Hate to tell you this but you actually did get engaged. You can’t get married without being engaged. The moment you agree you’re definitely going to get married (and subsequently start making plans to do so, even if only in your track suit at the registry office with a KFC afterwards), you’re engaged.

I agree i find it irritating too. It's unnecessary
Why not just refer to him by his name? Or if they don't know his name just say my boyfriend /partner (fiance if they really have to!) John and then call him John whenever talking about him.

@Hoodle “But people who drop foreign terms into English to show off to try to create an air of intellectual superiority are just laughable posers.”

Alternatively they may be English and French speakers who enjoy the interchange of language.

Most of those are a bit de trop, though; and I consider anybody who uses them as somewhat infra dig.

I've seen posters on MN describe a BF/GF of a fortnight as a partner. Fiancé/Fiancée describes a serious relationship without asking further questions. It's more weird that you find it odd.

I get you OP - I actually didn't get engaged before we married because the thought of having to refer to my fioooooonnnsssay really annoyed me.

Surely it works in the same way as a wedding ring does after marriage, though? If you're somebody's boyfriend or girlfriend, that signifies to anybody who might fancy one (or both!) of you that there's every chance that you might be available and looking to date before long, if they hang around discreetly in the hope of an eventual opportunity. Some may even not actually wait until you split up and strike pre-emptively to see if you may be more interested in them than your current GF/BF.

However, once you're engaged, and referring to your fiancé(e), that sends the very clear message that you've seriously made your choice and are now out of the dating pool - hopefully for life.

Objecting to the concept of having a specific word for an engaged person is simply bizarre. Language routinely has convenient words for specific circumstances, you can also ditch widow and orphan if you're going to pretend fiance is an issue.

Those who discuss their circumstances get to decide how to discuss them, it's not your place to make that decision for them. If I say "I'm a widow, or "I'm an orphan" you know precisely what I mean, and I am in charge of that definition.

That's what language is for. We're not going to degrade communication to the level of Newspeak just because standard, normal terms offend you.

When discussing me, if not in my presence, you can pretend husband has no meaning and say "Man she lives with" if it comforts you.

If in my presence I will gently correct you and say "Oh do you mean my husband" - because you sound insane.

Treating fiance as somehow objectionable is making a completely ordinary piece of vocabulary into an issue when there is no issue except one you have invented.

I don't know why you feel inferior about not being engaged or having a fiance, but that's on you. And if you're going to claim you don't, in fact, feel inferior then you need to drop this nonsense, right now. Because there is simply no other plausible reason for objecting to a perfectly normal noun that is in common usage.

In fact, if you're going to pretend fiance is a problem then I absolutely insist that you must say "man I sometimes fuck and date" or "man I started living with and have sex with" instead of partner or boyfriend.

After all, it's accurate and you don't need a special term to describe anything, or anyone.

Yes, and some aren’t.

Of course it would be silly to object to someone using ‘beef’ or ‘jacket’. But it’s perfectly reasonable to roll your eyes at an English person saying “we had a tête-à-tête”.

(I find ‘schadenfreude’ pretentious. It just means to gloat.)

Oh, but there is ‘betrothed’! Thankfully we use fiancé instead.

But you’re are right @OtterlyAstounding and that is why we have come to adopt some foreign words into English language because they sum up nicely what we mean.

What alternative word would you suggest for someone you’ve agreed to marry but the marriage hasn’t happened yet?

Fiancé is one word, “man I’m getting married to” is a lot more of a mouthful. And it is “grander/more interesting” - ie more serious - than just a boyfriend so it’s appropriate to have a word which signifies that.

Some people are so strange.
Like I wouldn’t even give this a second thought.

But you’ve been thinking about it so much and even gone to the trouble of starting a thread.

Find a hobby or something if these sorts of things bother you.

But lots of them are entirely normalised -- entrepreneur, al dente, deja vu, faux pas, pro bono, restaurant, Schadenfreude, hygge, Doppelganger etc etc.

I suppose not, but then a lot of words aren't strictly necessary. I enjoy them anyway though, as they add depth and richness to our communications as people.

Why is it 'too much information' to say you're engaged to be married, but not too much information and cringeworthy (not really a necessary word) to say you are married? After all, no one cares, right? It's just an odd attitude to take.

I'm always perplexed when a poster talks about a 'fiance' - when she's been with him for 12 years and they have two kids and a mortgage!

That’s always possible, sure. But people who drop foreign terms into English to show off to try to create an air of intellectual superiority are just laughable posers.

I once heard a mother at a kids’ birthday party tell them they were going to play tableaux vivants next. That’ll be musical statues to anyone normal and unpretentious.

I don’t feel the same way about fiancé(e).

Yep.

And yet, you're wrong.

And you care so deeply you won't just let it go and accept that it is an absolutely normal word and if you object to it, that's a you problem.

A perfectly normal noun that is used all throughout the English speaking western world to describe a perfectly normal relationship? No, can't say as I have. And if I did somehow become weirdly fixated on such a word, I wouldn't pretend it was the word that was the issue.

I don't love the word moist, but I accept it's just a word that means damp, and it would be really bizarre for me to object to someone using it, or even fixate about their use of it.

And I've been thinking about this - when I was engaged, before I married my husband, I likely called him my fiance, and might have called him my partner too.

But I can't remember, because it's just a noun that is absolutely normal and in common usage and I no more thought about it than I thought about saying "I walked through the hole in the wall with hinges and wood attached that lets me into the house" instead of saying I walked through the door.

I just don’t think a word denoting that you are planning to get married but have not yet done so is necessary.

Its like having a specific word for a person who has found a job but hasn’t yet started it. Its just too much information. Its “look at me, I’m nearly married, don’t you know!” No one cares.

Don’t get me wrong I am not proposing to ban it, live and let live, I just find it cringeworthy.