To find the use of the word ‘fiancé’ irritating?

My partner and I deliberately made the decision to get a civil partnership rather than a marriage as we wanted to be partners and not husband and wife. We had been together for 15+ year by the time we go out civil partnership as we were waiting for it to be an option for heterosexual couples.

I do find it irksome when it's included repeatedly in a conversation.

How was your weekend?

My fiance and I were away at the weekend. We did X and Y. I got to do Z whilst Dave did B.

Is different to

My fiance and I were away at the weekend, my fiance wanted to do X and Y. I did Z whilst my fiancé we to do B.

I suppose the term came about because it's a major change in a couple's relationship, that often feels symbolic, and can frequently involve shifting into a different stage of life. In the past, of course, it generally meant they were imminently going to live together, have sex, and procreate - big changes!

And then people use the term now simply because it's in existence, and in use, and is the correct term to use. It's fine to dislike a word, but it's strange to project your own feelings about that word onto others, and attribute motivations to them that may well not even exist.

Yeah. I get that. Thanks.

My point is that we did not have ~~An Engagement~~, which would have led to people referring to my fionnnssay.

It used to be reserved for people who were in a relationship and lived together. I do see more and more people using it instead of ‘boyfriend’ or ‘girlfriend’.

If I was loved up and engaged at the grand age of 56 I would proudly do the same

He also used to say "it's tortiLLA" whenever I mentioned tortilla chips.

I am a Spanish speaker. He was not.

He lives in Germany now, presumably on multiple blood pressure medications.

On the contrary, it is cringeworthy ( in my opinion !)
..it’s utterly desperate. Once you’re married you can bore us all day with husband/wife ! It smacks of desperation.
We get it, your engaged!!!!

Totally agree. It's so irrational but I just find it a really cringey word. I always used "partner" when we were engaged. However I do know it's a stupid and nonsensical thing to get irritated by!

I don’t love any of them and don’t see the point of them at all to be honest. I don’t understand why people feel the need to state this “interim” marital status.

I just find “fiancé” particularly twee. Like I said, it’s subjective and irrational. But it makes me cringe.

Technically, as soon as you agreed to marry you were in fact engaged, up until the point that you married.

About 100 years at best. Not routinely used until after WW1 apparently.

Who knows, maybe “holibobs” will be in the next Oxford English Dictionary. 🤣

We didn't invite anyone, we just went on holiday and did it.

Would 'betrothed' or 'intended' be more acceptable to you than 'fiancé', or is it the affianced part that bothers you?

I didn't marry in the UK, we secretly eloped 😀

Sure. But there’s no unbiased objective standard that dictates that “holibobs” and “hubs” are offensive. There are plenty of words and phrases in the English language which are in common usage which aren’t technically correct and which aren’t even English but which have passed into the lexicon.

I don’t like holibobs or hubs and I don’t use them but I have never really understood why they make half the population of Mumsnet froth at the mouth.

I don’t expect everyone to agree with my dislike of the word fiancé either.

But I don’t there’s an objective truth that dictates one is completely beyond the pale and the other is fine.

“Not that long” being the best part of 200 years?

To use some simple language, you’re having a laugh.

I do see that plain English isn’t your thing. But I genuinely recommend the texts I mentioned. They’re useful for us little people who want to write well and for those like you who are already on a literary par with Rebecca West.

I must confess, I am curious as to how using the correct relationship title to refer to someone is 'teenage'.

Oh, sweetheart! You shouldn't!

You poor thing…
”HTH” 🤣

Partner used to mean serious life partner with the absence of marriage by choice or prohibition. Now the common use is so broad that it is meaningless. People who aren’t married are going to need a new word.

No, it’s not subjective.

Fiancé is a whole, correct, unadulterated word.

Holibobs and hubs are adaptations of whole, correct words which many (subjectively) find twee or annoying.

I do think they can overlap, but don’t think they are interchangeable.

Even if I gloat inwardly there is a sense that I am laughing at you, or celebrating your misfortune and feeling that it serves you right.

Schadenfreude as an inner sense is more like well, that’s unfortunate, I won’t deny the sense of satisfaction I feel at your misfortune but I am glad it’s not me.

Oh, I see, I didn't realise you have no comprehension skills.

Never mind pet, this is not the thread for you.

YW. HTH.

What are you on about?
HTH, btw.