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To find the use of the word ‘fiancé’ irritating?

364 replies

Sparklesbigtoe · 31/08/2026 09:06

Do people still use the word fiancé to describe the person they’re engaged to on a regular basis (eg. every time they mention them to someone who doesn’t know their name they’ll say fiancé rather than partner or bf/gf)? Or is this becoming kind of outdated? There’s a woman at work who keeps saying ‘my fiancé and I this, my fiancé and I that, yesterday I said to my fiancé blah, blah’. It’s really starting to grate on me because she could easily say his name then start referring to him by it, just like everyone else does. It also struck me that other people I know who’ve been engaged recently carried on saying ‘partner’, or they might say fiancé once or twice but generally they use partner. I’m sure I’m BU to find it annoying but it feels like they’re trying to boast that someone’s asked them to marry them everytime I hear it!

OP posts:
comeoncolleen · 31/08/2026 09:38

daisyydaisyy · 31/08/2026 09:22

to be honest I’d be saying all the time too because I wouldn’t believe someone wants to marry me 😂😂😂

I would marry you for your name alone @daisyydaisyy . I will pop round on the tandem to hear your answer...

gannett · 31/08/2026 09:38

RosasDanceRosas · 31/08/2026 09:21

I agree it’s a terrible, prissy word, but alas, it’s the only one we have for ‘person I’ve committed to marrying’ , unless we go very retro and start reverting to ‘my betrothed’ or ‘my intended’, which are also awful. ‘The person to whom I am affianced’? Ugh.

It's a better word than "husband" which just puts me in mind of either old men with slippers, or suburban centrist dads.

I enjoyed using "fiancé" for the few months it was appropriate, I do not enjoy saying "husband" at all and actually revert to "partner" quite a lot.

ClaredeBear · 31/08/2026 09:38

It’s a bit dated for sure and not a term my husband or I ever used. I don’t remember anyone ever introducing us as that, we just used “partner”, I guess.

KilkennyCats · 31/08/2026 09:36

PurplebudsWhitebuds · 31/08/2026 09:30

I think the fact this annoys you so much says more about you than about her. He is her fiancé so what is wrong with her referring to him as such?

What really annoys me is when someone who is talking to me keeps mentioning various names and I have absolutely no idea who they are in their lives and yet I'm expected to somehow know and be able to follow their story. At least with this colleague of yours she is being very clear about who she is talking about and the relevance of him in her life.

Getting engaged IS a big thing in people's lives. Why be so unpleasant about someone actually enjoying having a fiancé to talk about?

That’s exactly it.

It’s the people who tell long involved tales with a cast of thousands and no context whatsoever that are the irritating ones.

BlueFlowerySky · 31/08/2026 09:31

Well calling someone a boyfriend makes you sound about 15 tbh.

He is her fiancé. She is doing nothing wrong by referring to him as such.

TheRealWhacker · 31/08/2026 09:30

It’s usually used by people who are “engaged” but with no plans to actually marry IME. The people who are actually going to get married soon seem to feel less need to assert their “status”.

mysticbob · 31/08/2026 09:30

You’re generally a fiancé/fiancée for such a relatively short time compared to the years you’re single or married. It’s a nice thing, let her enjoy it!

PurplebudsWhitebuds · 31/08/2026 09:30

I think the fact this annoys you so much says more about you than about her. He is her fiancé so what is wrong with her referring to him as such?

What really annoys me is when someone who is talking to me keeps mentioning various names and I have absolutely no idea who they are in their lives and yet I'm expected to somehow know and be able to follow their story. At least with this colleague of yours she is being very clear about who she is talking about and the relevance of him in her life.

Getting engaged IS a big thing in people's lives. Why be so unpleasant about someone actually enjoying having a fiancé to talk about?

Greenmouldycheese · 31/08/2026 09:29

Im engaged but I refer to him as my partner and have never used fiancé. Its personal preference and I dont care how anyone else refers to their significant other. Is she newly engaged? Maybe shes iver the moon to have found her person and it brings her joy to refer to him in that way.

Youhadrambledonfor18pages · 31/08/2026 09:28

Vulturesoverhead · 31/08/2026 09:16

Yes but, so what. Why get the klaxon out on their relationship status, no one cares…. except her!

If someone married refers to her husband is that also “getting the klaxon out” on relationship status? No, it’s just stating fact. What a strange take on it.

Enfrancais · 31/08/2026 09:28

Whatever really, but it's so outdated to be engaged imo. Completely pointless. Just get married, or don't.

Lottapianos · 31/08/2026 09:26

I hear you OP. I find it very outdated and cringey

JacknDiane · 31/08/2026 09:26

I find the whole premise about getting engaged ridiculous so someone going on about their fiancé would strike me as silly.
Just get married.

RosasDanceRosas · 31/08/2026 09:25

KilkennyCats · 31/08/2026 09:22

It is, but the point is people use the term incorrectly.

I have to say that using it to describe someone you’ve been seeing for a few weeks is a purely Mn thing for me. I’ve never encountered it in RL.

Youhadrambledonfor18pages · 31/08/2026 09:24

Yabu.

It’d be weird to say boyfriend when he’s more than a bf.
It’d be weird to say husband when he’s not yet her husband.

daisyydaisyy · 31/08/2026 09:22

to be honest I’d be saying all the time too because I wouldn’t believe someone wants to marry me 😂😂😂

KilkennyCats · 31/08/2026 09:22

CurlewKate · 31/08/2026 09:18

No it’s not. A partner is very different from a girl/boyfriend.

It is, but the point is people use the term incorrectly.

RosasDanceRosas · 31/08/2026 09:21

I agree it’s a terrible, prissy word, but alas, it’s the only one we have for ‘person I’ve committed to marrying’ , unless we go very retro and start reverting to ‘my betrothed’ or ‘my intended’, which are also awful. ‘The person to whom I am affianced’? Ugh.

CurlewKate · 31/08/2026 09:18

Nourishinghandcream · 31/08/2026 09:12

If you are engaged then that person is your fiance and can be referred to as such.

Partner is just the modern term for boyfriend/girlfriend.

No it’s not. A partner is very different from a girl/boyfriend.

neleh87 · 31/08/2026 09:17

Haha I guess she is just chuffed to be engaged. It is a bit ridiculous when the person you are talking to already knows the fiance is called Matt or whatever.
I'd give them the benefit of the doubt for just being excited.

I have a friend who never said 'my fiance' but as soon as she was married he became 'my husband', a guy I'd known for 15 years at this point. But she's just happy to be married and it is sweet really.

comeoncolleen · 31/08/2026 09:17

Yetone · 31/08/2026 09:13

I can see where you are coming from but it is only really annoying if he remains a fiancé for years. To me it implies that you are to be married soon.
What I really don’t like is people who say that they are getting engaged soon. Getting engaged is a promise to marry. If you are going to get engaged then you have a promise to marry so you are already engaged.

Hear heat. Getting engaged soon - why not now, since everyone knows about it? I suppose it's the official announcement , photos, party etc they mean, not the important bit.

CurlewKate · 31/08/2026 09:16

This kind of “look, I’ve got a man!” talk is depressing.

2chocolateoranges · 31/08/2026 09:16

But then he is her fiancé. Will it annoy you when she refers to him as her husband.

I don’t tend to use dh’s name at work unless it’s people I’m really friendly with who know his name,

Vulturesoverhead · 31/08/2026 09:16

EtoileLune · 31/08/2026 09:15

Haha well what other reason has Op got to hate it so much... its factually correct 🤷‍♀️

Yes but, so what. Why get the klaxon out on their relationship status, no one cares…. except her!

gannett · 31/08/2026 09:16

I am truly amazed every day on MN about the things people decide they'll get annoyed by.

Yes, I said decide. OP, if you make the tiniest effort I'm sure you can be zen about a woman using a normal word in the normal way. In other words, get over yourself and get over it.