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To find the use of the word ‘fiancé’ irritating?

364 replies

Sparklesbigtoe · 31/08/2026 09:06

Do people still use the word fiancé to describe the person they’re engaged to on a regular basis (eg. every time they mention them to someone who doesn’t know their name they’ll say fiancé rather than partner or bf/gf)? Or is this becoming kind of outdated? There’s a woman at work who keeps saying ‘my fiancé and I this, my fiancé and I that, yesterday I said to my fiancé blah, blah’. It’s really starting to grate on me because she could easily say his name then start referring to him by it, just like everyone else does. It also struck me that other people I know who’ve been engaged recently carried on saying ‘partner’, or they might say fiancé once or twice but generally they use partner. I’m sure I’m BU to find it annoying but it feels like they’re trying to boast that someone’s asked them to marry them everytime I hear it!

OP posts:
CruelsummerTS · 31/08/2026 10:01

You’re being unreasonable because it’s an accurate word to use. But the word itself is irritating and cringeworthy!!

Absolutelynot2 · 31/08/2026 10:00

Oh this is too, too funny. So she should pretend he's only her boyfriend because your boyfriend doesn't want to get married? 😅 Like it or not, there is and always has been and always will be a hierarchy of relationships. Boyfriend/girlfriend (which some people have tried to replace with partner and means the same thing) then fiance/fiancee then husband/wife.

If you didn't care about you wouldn't even notice her using the correct terminology.

comeoncolleen · 31/08/2026 10:00

daisyydaisyy · 31/08/2026 09:46

Your reply has got me half crazy 😭🥰♥️

Ah, you're sweet ❤️🚴🚴‍♀️

Gardenhabit · 31/08/2026 10:00

RampantIvy · 31/08/2026 09:54

Not if she was marrying a woman, no.

My friend calls her brother, my brother when talking about him. I’m met him several times and I’ve known her for 20 years and I find it weird that she doesn’t use his name. Sorry don’t mean to quote and now I can’t delete it!

thistimelastweek · 31/08/2026 09:59

It's just such a poncey word.

Viviennemary · 31/08/2026 09:58

I agree it's a bit daft. Especially when folk have lived together for 20 years and have half a dozen kids. Madness.

RampantIvy · 31/08/2026 09:54

WerewolfOfLoudon · 31/08/2026 09:41

Would it be depressing if the woman was saying fiancée?

Not if she was marrying a woman, no.

GlimpseofTruth · 31/08/2026 09:54

I probably overused the word fiancè loads when I was engaged because I was so happy and excited to be getting married. It was probably a bit annoying to those around me.

But in my defence, as practicing Christians we didn't live together until we were married. So getting married was a huge step that I was really looking forward to. It wasn't about the attention of having a wedding it was about getting to be with the man I love all the time.

And we were only engaged for nine months so didn't annoy everyone with it for too long.

Girasoli · 31/08/2026 09:52

DH went from boyfriend to fiance to husband. I've never really refered to him as my partner - I think it's because we got engaged quite young and partner seemed like a word older people used (e.g. for friends parents if that weren't married/got divorced and had a new partner - people our age tended to use boyfriend/girlfriend).

Youhadrambledonfor18pages · 31/08/2026 09:51

Vulturesoverhead · 31/08/2026 09:47

Glazing the fiancé to others…

Glazing means sucking up/flattering someone.
Who’s she sucking up to by using the word fiancé? Check with your teens - you’re using it incorrectly.

WerewolfOfLoudon · 31/08/2026 09:50

RosasDanceRosas · 31/08/2026 09:21

I agree it’s a terrible, prissy word, but alas, it’s the only one we have for ‘person I’ve committed to marrying’ , unless we go very retro and start reverting to ‘my betrothed’ or ‘my intended’, which are also awful. ‘The person to whom I am affianced’? Ugh.

"The dude with whom I plan on the splitting bills for the rest of our lives" is a bit long winded, fiancé is much shorter.

Bluenotgreen · 31/08/2026 09:49

I don’t see it as any different to referring to a husband or wife. It’s a simple fact.

Is it just women using the word that bothers you OP, or men too?

Youhadrambledonfor18pages · 31/08/2026 09:48

Vulturesoverhead · 31/08/2026 09:45

That’s the point. No no, he’s moooore than a mere boyfriend, he’s elevated me to Fiancé, please note that <swoon>

I just can’t help it, it makes me chuckle. I was asked, then married in 6 weeks, so perhaps that phase was lost on me.

Are they actually asking you to note that though?!
All these posters reading sub context of showing off just through the use of one technically correct word.

Vulturesoverhead · 31/08/2026 09:47

Youhadrambledonfor18pages · 31/08/2026 09:45

Think you’ve got your phrases wrong there (I also have teenagers), glaze means sucking up.
I think you mean flex although I disagree that someone’s trying to show off just because they’re using the correct term for their significant other.

Glazing the fiancé to others…

daisyydaisyy · 31/08/2026 09:46

comeoncolleen · 31/08/2026 09:38

I would marry you for your name alone @daisyydaisyy . I will pop round on the tandem to hear your answer...

Your reply has got me half crazy 😭🥰♥️

Youhadrambledonfor18pages · 31/08/2026 09:45

Vulturesoverhead · 31/08/2026 09:40

Husband is a legal status so although, again, I couldn’t care, it at least means something beyond, no no, not my boyfriend/partner, he’s my fiance! It’s a definite glaze - as my DC would say.

Think you’ve got your phrases wrong there (I also have teenagers), glaze means sucking up.
I think you mean flex although I disagree that someone’s trying to show off just because they’re using the correct term for their significant other.

Vulturesoverhead · 31/08/2026 09:45

Youhadrambledonfor18pages · 31/08/2026 09:24

Yabu.

It’d be weird to say boyfriend when he’s more than a bf.
It’d be weird to say husband when he’s not yet her husband.

That’s the point. No no, he’s moooore than a mere boyfriend, he’s elevated me to Fiancé, please note that <swoon>

I just can’t help it, it makes me chuckle. I was asked, then married in 6 weeks, so perhaps that phase was lost on me.

WerewolfOfLoudon · 31/08/2026 09:41

CurlewKate · 31/08/2026 09:16

This kind of “look, I’ve got a man!” talk is depressing.

Would it be depressing if the woman was saying fiancée?

DozyCrow · 31/08/2026 09:41

Yes people still say it as it's the correct term. However, when having regular discussions with friends or colleagues who know the name of your fiancé, it's weird to keep saying it. Next time she's doing it I'd say "Why don't you refer to him by his name?"

I get why it's irritating OP. It's like women who insist on keep saying "my husband", when everyone knows his name. It's almost like an ownership thing.

KilkennyCats · 31/08/2026 09:40

gannett · 31/08/2026 09:38

It's a better word than "husband" which just puts me in mind of either old men with slippers, or suburban centrist dads.

I enjoyed using "fiancé" for the few months it was appropriate, I do not enjoy saying "husband" at all and actually revert to "partner" quite a lot.

Confused
Vulturesoverhead · 31/08/2026 09:40

Youhadrambledonfor18pages · 31/08/2026 09:28

If someone married refers to her husband is that also “getting the klaxon out” on relationship status? No, it’s just stating fact. What a strange take on it.

Edited

Husband is a legal status so although, again, I couldn’t care, it at least means something beyond, no no, not my boyfriend/partner, he’s my fiance! It’s a definite glaze - as my DC would say.

Hoodle · 31/08/2026 09:39

‘Fiancé(e)’, pah! French fancy of a word.

We should use ‘betrothed’. Just like ‘dating’ should be ‘courting’.

Anyway, back to my reports of Mr Bonar Law’s intended tariff reforms.

ClaredeBear · 31/08/2026 09:39

TheRealWhacker · 31/08/2026 09:30

It’s usually used by people who are “engaged” but with no plans to actually marry IME. The people who are actually going to get married soon seem to feel less need to assert their “status”.

Ah, interesting. Maybe this is why I didn’t use it. We made our plans immediately.

PrettyLittleRose · 31/08/2026 09:39

Yeah, I'm going with the OP being jealous too, and it's a sore point.

ViciousCurrentBun · 31/08/2026 09:39

I have been engaged 3 times, broke off two of them. DH and I joke about the word fiancée between us because he was the one that made it out of fiancée status and we roll out the word to elongate it but just between us.

Of course it’s fine to use it because that’s what they are on a promise to marry.