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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To find the use of the word ‘fiancé’ irritating?

364 replies

Sparklesbigtoe · 31/08/2026 09:06

Do people still use the word fiancé to describe the person they’re engaged to on a regular basis (eg. every time they mention them to someone who doesn’t know their name they’ll say fiancé rather than partner or bf/gf)? Or is this becoming kind of outdated? There’s a woman at work who keeps saying ‘my fiancé and I this, my fiancé and I that, yesterday I said to my fiancé blah, blah’. It’s really starting to grate on me because she could easily say his name then start referring to him by it, just like everyone else does. It also struck me that other people I know who’ve been engaged recently carried on saying ‘partner’, or they might say fiancé once or twice but generally they use partner. I’m sure I’m BU to find it annoying but it feels like they’re trying to boast that someone’s asked them to marry them everytime I hear it!

OP posts:
KilkennyCats · 31/08/2026 10:22

CordwainerBird · 31/08/2026 10:19

Yes, actually. I never referred to myself as a wife and got the ick if other people did.

God, this sort of nonsense is ridiculous.
Don’t expect people to refrain from using perfectly legitimate words because you have weird issues.

Bananalanacake · 31/08/2026 10:22

I first saw the word in a Mandy comic, I thought it was a misspelling of Finance.
I still don't understand the pronunciation,,, Fee- ornt- say.

Grumpyoldcat · 31/08/2026 10:22

If she is talking to people at work who know she is engaged and perhaps the name of the partner it would seem weird to keep saying my fiance. She is probably showing off. I would be irritated too.

Vulturesoverhead · 31/08/2026 10:22

OtterlyAstounding · 31/08/2026 10:19

For the most part, I think it says a lot more about the hang ups of the people bothered by the word, than the people using the appropriate word to describe the relationship. There are a lot of people making odd assumptions.

Oh It certainly does. You only have to be on MN to related the world around you judges, so best get on with your own shit.

It also confirms people can’t read, comprehension is limited, people have hang ups and foibles.

Fourfurrymonsters · 31/08/2026 10:22

Absolutely bizarre that this is the kind of thing apparently worth getting upset over and writing a post about. A fiancé is a whole separate thing from a boyfriend or a husband or a partner. It’s a perfectly acceptable descriptor that actually doesn’t really have an accurate alternative. Why wouldn’t you use it? Baffling. And the whole “oh it’s performative, it’s just someone boasting that they have a man”…good gods, have a word. And I’ve been married 30+ years so I’ve no skin in this game.

LlynTegid · 31/08/2026 10:20

I don't see it as any sort of issue. It is stating a fact.

CordwainerBird · 31/08/2026 10:19

MrsShawnHatosy · 31/08/2026 10:14

Does the word “wife” put you in mind of old women wearing curlers and a housecoat, or suburban yummy mummies?

Yes, actually. I never referred to myself as a wife and got the ick if other people did.

Hoodle · 31/08/2026 10:19

‘Partner’ is a shit term for a boyfriend/girlfriend. Including between unmarried long-term couples: if you’ve been together for ten years just say ‘husband’ or ‘wife’.

But it’s too late to stop this crappy word now.

OtterlyAstounding · 31/08/2026 10:19

Youhadrambledonfor18pages · 31/08/2026 09:48

Are they actually asking you to note that though?!
All these posters reading sub context of showing off just through the use of one technically correct word.

For the most part, I think it says a lot more about the hang ups of the people bothered by the word, than the people using the appropriate word to describe the relationship. There are a lot of people making odd assumptions.

MrsShawnHatosy · 31/08/2026 10:14

gannett · 31/08/2026 09:38

It's a better word than "husband" which just puts me in mind of either old men with slippers, or suburban centrist dads.

I enjoyed using "fiancé" for the few months it was appropriate, I do not enjoy saying "husband" at all and actually revert to "partner" quite a lot.

Does the word “wife” put you in mind of old women wearing curlers and a housecoat, or suburban yummy mummies?

Vulturesoverhead · 31/08/2026 10:14

Youhadrambledonfor18pages · 31/08/2026 09:48

Are they actually asking you to note that though?!
All these posters reading sub context of showing off just through the use of one technically correct word.

Well they are using words, which communicate meaning, so yes they most certainly are asserting your need to ‘note’.

WerewolfOfLoudon · 31/08/2026 10:13

BakersKitchen · 31/08/2026 10:08

Oooh yes I hate this too. Partner should be reserved for someone you actually share a life with, what’s wrong with boyfriend? Nothing.

After 3 months wouldn't even use boyfriend over the age of 15), he'd still be the "guy I've been seeing", may not use the actual word 'seeing' depending on audience.

Partner is an earned title once he's put up with me long enough.

CordwainerBird · 31/08/2026 10:13

The only term I dislike is “other half” - it’s nice that you feel completed by your relationship, I guess, but you were fine and perfect by yourself. You have gained something great but you were already complete!

WorsethingshappenatC · 31/08/2026 10:12

Not as bad as "Hubby" that's like nails on a blackboard to me.

hardshoulderr · 31/08/2026 10:10

lol at heteronormative

WerewolfOfLoudon · 31/08/2026 10:09

CurlewKate · 31/08/2026 10:01

Actually, even more depressing.

But I do find copying heteronormative behaviour depressing in general.

Edited

So you are against same sex marriage?

Swissmeringue · 31/08/2026 10:08

YABU, it's a perfectly reasonable word to use for the person you are engaged for. He was my boyfriend, then he was my fiancé, now he's my husband.

Bit weird to be calling him my fiancé repeatedly at work though, surely it's just "my fiancé, Ben" the first time you chat about him then he's Ben in conversation from then on?

OtterlyAstounding · 31/08/2026 10:08

YABU, OP. Fiancé is the appropriate word to describe her relationship to the man, and if referring to him as her 'partner' wouldn't annoy you, there's no reason for 'fiancé' to do so.

What annoys me is when people use 'partner' to describe someone they don't live with – the word for that is boy/girlfriend.

HollyMcDolly · 31/08/2026 10:08

Yes I find it irritating although if it’s just the once then not a big issue but repeatedly very annoying as I always think they’re fishing for a congratulation so they can witter on about proposal/wedding plans etc which are beyond boring if you’re not interested. I work with a woman who always referred to her now husband as fiancé prior to marriage despite the fact we’d all met him & knew her fairly well..just call him by his name ffs (she was told!)

BakersKitchen · 31/08/2026 10:08

MyManinCaracas · 31/08/2026 10:04

I kind of get it, but I hate the term partner. You’ve known him 3 months he’s not your partner!

Oooh yes I hate this too. Partner should be reserved for someone you actually share a life with, what’s wrong with boyfriend? Nothing.

WerewolfOfLoudon · 31/08/2026 10:07

RampantIvy · 31/08/2026 09:54

Not if she was marrying a woman, no.

That was my point, @CurlewKate's comment was "look I've got a man" so is she equally opposed to "look I've got a woman" after hard fought for same sex marriage rights or is the disdain reserved solely for women marrying men.

BakersKitchen · 31/08/2026 10:07

I never used it when I was engaged. It always felt like I was tying to draw attention to the fact I was getting married and get people to ask questions about my wedding. I waited until I could say “husband”.

MyManinCaracas · 31/08/2026 10:04

I kind of get it, but I hate the term partner. You’ve known him 3 months he’s not your partner!

Absolutelynot2 · 31/08/2026 10:02

Absolutelynot2 · 31/08/2026 10:00

Oh this is too, too funny. So she should pretend he's only her boyfriend because your boyfriend doesn't want to get married? 😅 Like it or not, there is and always has been and always will be a hierarchy of relationships. Boyfriend/girlfriend (which some people have tried to replace with partner and means the same thing) then fiance/fiancee then husband/wife.

If you didn't care about you wouldn't even notice her using the correct terminology.

And I do wonder if maybe you hang around with a lot of chavs, because it's a perfectly common term and in wide usage in average circles.

CurlewKate · 31/08/2026 10:01

WerewolfOfLoudon · 31/08/2026 09:41

Would it be depressing if the woman was saying fiancée?

Actually, even more depressing.

But I do find copying heteronormative behaviour depressing in general.