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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To find the use of the word ‘fiancé’ irritating?

364 replies

Sparklesbigtoe · 31/08/2026 09:06

Do people still use the word fiancé to describe the person they’re engaged to on a regular basis (eg. every time they mention them to someone who doesn’t know their name they’ll say fiancé rather than partner or bf/gf)? Or is this becoming kind of outdated? There’s a woman at work who keeps saying ‘my fiancé and I this, my fiancé and I that, yesterday I said to my fiancé blah, blah’. It’s really starting to grate on me because she could easily say his name then start referring to him by it, just like everyone else does. It also struck me that other people I know who’ve been engaged recently carried on saying ‘partner’, or they might say fiancé once or twice but generally they use partner. I’m sure I’m BU to find it annoying but it feels like they’re trying to boast that someone’s asked them to marry them everytime I hear it!

OP posts:
FourSevenFive · 31/08/2026 11:22

YANBU. It can sound a bit over the top and performative.

Like being engaged is the most important thing to communicate about themselves.

Youhadrambledonfor18pages · 31/08/2026 11:21

RosasDanceRosas · 31/08/2026 10:52

I will admit I quite often use ‘partner’ for DH. We’d been together for aeons before we got married, and a ten-minute civil ceremony with two witnesses didn’t change anything. I was amused to find recently that an old university friend had no idea we’d got married )fifteen years ago).

Why would it be amusing if you’d never told her and never mentioned the word husband? How would you expect her to know?

TheseGloriousDays · 31/08/2026 11:21

I find the idea of proposals utterly cringeworthy. But people seem to like it.

DoNotIron · 31/08/2026 11:18

I would find it irritating too, probably because I would think they wanted to constantly remind me that they were engaged. In case I’d forgotten. But it’s a minor irritation. Not worth starting a thread on Mumsnet about. DP (who I’ve been with for 40 years) sometimes refers to me as ‘my wife’ or even worse ‘the wife’. Bloody cheek! I think that’s worse, considering we aren’t even married. I would never refer to him as my husband.

bocketyaulbag · 31/08/2026 11:17

I find the whole engagement thing really annoying. Just go get married, have a lovely wedding. Isn't that enough?

KilkennyCats · 31/08/2026 11:16

Purplecatshopaholic · 31/08/2026 11:05

Clearly in the minority here but I agree op. Technically I have a fiancé as he asked me to marry him/I said yes/we are getting married, but we always say partner. I find fiancé totally cringy, nobody cares but us if we get married or don’t, it just sounds really performative to me.

Edited

Using the word doesn’t indicate that anyone actually cares whether you marry or not, what is wrong with you? 😆
You can feel free to use the word husband when you’re actually married, too; nobody will really care about that either.

Youhadrambledonfor18pages · 31/08/2026 11:13

Bananalanacake · 31/08/2026 10:22

I first saw the word in a Mandy comic, I thought it was a misspelling of Finance.
I still don't understand the pronunciation,,, Fee- ornt- say.

It’s a French word, vowels are pronounced differently than in English and accents change the pronunciation further, eg the é on the end of fiancé.

BrezhnevsLuxuriantEyebrows · 31/08/2026 11:12

Hoodle · 31/08/2026 11:10

Some are ok - plenty are quite ancient loan words.

But the likes of ‘amuse bouche’ and ‘savoir-faire’ can get in the poubelle.

We always used to sing the Beatles song "Michelle, poubelle" Grin

Sorry, I'm in a silly mood - the bank holiday makes it still feel like le weekend!

JHound · 31/08/2026 11:12

YABMU

KilkennyCats · 31/08/2026 11:12

WorsethingshappenatC · 31/08/2026 11:09

I agree, they're all pretty unremarkable. Unless you hate them. It's often a viseral reaction, not necessarily logical or have reasoning behind it. Another one that grates is Yummy Mummy, a friend uses the term to refer to herself. I actually have to look away so she doesn't spot the expression on my face. That does sound like a declaration of "ain't I pretty" though. Somethings just grate or make us cringe. It doesn't have to be deep.

Declaring yourself to be a Yummy Mummy is very definitely cringeworthy, but it’s not remotely comparable to use of the word wife.

MNLurker1345 · 31/08/2026 11:11

“Hi, meet the man I am engaged to / plan to
marry / will be my husband in the future.”

“Hi meet my fiancé”

“The man I am engaged to/ plan to marry / who will be my future husband is called John.”

”My fiancé, his name is John”.

BrezhnevsLuxuriantEyebrows · 31/08/2026 11:10

Mumtobabyhavoc · 31/08/2026 11:04

How can a French word sound too French?
What about cafe?
Menu?
Ballet?
RSVP?
Genre?
Debut?
🤔
I'm very curieux!
😁

Agreed. Complaining about a French word as being 'too French' puts me in mind of Stan Boardman and his constant references to "Them Germans, eh?!" !

Hoodle · 31/08/2026 11:10

Mumtobabyhavoc · 31/08/2026 11:04

How can a French word sound too French?
What about cafe?
Menu?
Ballet?
RSVP?
Genre?
Debut?
🤔
I'm very curieux!
😁

Some are ok - plenty are quite ancient loan words.

But the likes of ‘amuse bouche’ and ‘savoir-faire’ can get in the poubelle.

WorsethingshappenatC · 31/08/2026 11:09

BrezhnevsLuxuriantEyebrows · 31/08/2026 10:55

'Hubby/hubster/hubalub' or whatever are indeed annoying - as is 'wifey', which comes with more than a hint of misogyny and dismissiveness; but the actual standard words are just unremarkable, surely?!

I agree, they're all pretty unremarkable. Unless you hate them. It's often a viseral reaction, not necessarily logical or have reasoning behind it. Another one that grates is Yummy Mummy, a friend uses the term to refer to herself. I actually have to look away so she doesn't spot the expression on my face. That does sound like a declaration of "ain't I pretty" though. Somethings just grate or make us cringe. It doesn't have to be deep.

BrezhnevsLuxuriantEyebrows · 31/08/2026 11:08

Cheese55 · 31/08/2026 10:46

Why does it matter that they are your fiance. Partner will do, married or not and then name

They're two distinct, different things in our culture and society, though. Neither is better or worse; but just different.

Historically, official documents always used 'he' and 'him' to refer to anybody of either sex, and women were just dismissively brushed off with "Oh, it means you too - the terminology doesn't actually matter". Being a 'he' is no better or worse than being a 'she'; but they are two different words with distinct meanings.

SilkorSatin · 31/08/2026 11:06

It hasn’t aged well, has it? See also: relationship status “engaged”. Both make me cringe but I can’t explain why. Hire Purchase for relationships, but each to their own!

Mumtobabyhavoc · 31/08/2026 11:06

Xkk · 31/08/2026 10:58

Which is correct. What do you mean whatever? They are more than partners, they are soon to be married. Is totally ok. Maybe the woman is happy and proud to be comitted to her partner, soon to be married. In what way does this would bother someone, I can't get my head around it! Are we all surrounded by miserable bitter people? Why?

Possibly, yes. 🤔

Purplecatshopaholic · 31/08/2026 11:05

Clearly in the minority here but I agree op. Technically I have a fiancé as he asked me to marry him/I said yes/we are getting married, but we always say partner. I find fiancé totally cringy, nobody cares but us if we get married or don’t, it just sounds really performative to me.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 31/08/2026 11:04

Maomee · 31/08/2026 10:44

I am currently engaged but I don't like the word 'fiance' so I just say 'partner'. I can't quite put my finger on why the word isn't likeable, maybe just sounds too French?

How can a French word sound too French?
What about cafe?
Menu?
Ballet?
RSVP?
Genre?
Debut?
🤔
I'm very curieux!
😁

OtterlyAstounding · 31/08/2026 11:03

Greenfinch7 · 31/08/2026 11:01

I have trouble remembering names, so I help people out, assuming they don't care enough about me to remember the names of my sister, husband, cat, 3 kids, etc.

I find it irritating when people start referring to eg 'James and Marcia' and I am thinking: your son and his wife? your hairdressers? your 2 guinea pigs? your friends from Australia?

I'm the same!

Greenfinch7 · 31/08/2026 11:01

I have trouble remembering names, so I help people out, assuming they don't care enough about me to remember the names of my sister, husband, cat, 3 kids, etc.

I find it irritating when people start referring to eg 'James and Marcia' and I am thinking: your son and his wife? your hairdressers? your 2 guinea pigs? your friends from Australia?

Youhadrambledonfor18pages · 31/08/2026 11:01

Vulturesoverhead · 31/08/2026 10:14

Well they are using words, which communicate meaning, so yes they most certainly are asserting your need to ‘note’.

Edited

It was you who first used the word “note” - read it back.
You’re projecting.
Just because someone uses the term fiance/fiancée they aren’t asking you to note something - they’re just using the correct term.
If someone mentioned their husband they’re not asking you to note that they’re married, it’s just the correct term to describe the man they’re with.

Xkk · 31/08/2026 10:58

Vulturesoverhead · 31/08/2026 09:15

I get it OP. I’m married, so not jealous, but it feels a bit ‘grandstanding’. ‘Not my partner, no no, we are engaged you know’ Yes, yes whatever.

Which is correct. What do you mean whatever? They are more than partners, they are soon to be married. Is totally ok. Maybe the woman is happy and proud to be comitted to her partner, soon to be married. In what way does this would bother someone, I can't get my head around it! Are we all surrounded by miserable bitter people? Why?

OtterlyAstounding · 31/08/2026 10:58

Absolutelynot2 · 31/08/2026 10:44

Christ you people are so fucking weird 😆

It makes me wonder what such people think of married couples. Do they look down on all women who are happy with the word 'wife'? It just seems so unnecessarily derogatory.

Biscuit94 · 31/08/2026 10:57

Hahahaha. I have been engaged for about 3 years and we have a child and we just CBA organising the wedding between a one year old, house move and work.

He is my fiancé and I refer to him as such but I'm defo not "grandstanding" as somebody said.