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Original poster

Is it normal for some people to take an instant dislike?

41 replies

Grapevinegallery · 31/08/2026 08:46

Do you ever wonder why people take a dislike to you?

have just come back from holiday where I met a nice group of people ( group tour).

there was one woman on the trip who clearly didn’t like me. We were sitting next to each other for dinner on the first evening and I thought we’d got on well. Perfectly normal conversation- nothing controversial.

she then spent the rest of the trip avoiding me, or avoiding being in my company if we’d split into smaller groups ( for activities etc.). it was really noticeable. I didn’t openly discuss it with others as didn’t know any of them that well. ( solo tour). But I noticed that another person on the holiday spotted it one evening and seemed puzzled by it.

I’m completely at a loss to what I’ve done. I’ve been on quite a few group holidays over the years ( I’m in my 40’) and I understand that not everyone is your cup of tea, but ive always made an effort with people I don’t massively get on with. I’d need to find someone really awful before I basically ignored them for an entire trip.

i have noticed this happening on a few occasions over the years. For context, I’m generally an open and friendly person who gets along with most people. I have a wide circle of friends- many of whom I’ve known for years. But every now and again ( I’d say 4 people in last 15 years) I meet people who seem repelled by me.

is this normal? Has anyone else experienced this?

OP posts:
HulkHogansHair · 31/08/2026 09:49

I know we're not meant to say this but I got a lot of hate when younger as I was attractive. In an all female work place I had a person blatantly hate me due to it. I didnt realise at the time being young and pretty really grinded her and thought i was in the wrong. I wasn't.

wizzywig · 31/08/2026 09:41

I just figure its peoples gut instinct. You werent meant to be civil or mates with them. I know i irritate people.

JLou08 · 31/08/2026 09:34

I've never given it much thought. Some people naturally gravitate towards others, some don't. I don't think it's always a dislike, some people just aren't drawn towards each other or don't have compatible personalities. You say you've got lots of friends and get on well with others so there's no need to question why some people don't want to talk to you. Just carry on being you and leave them to be them.

ViciousCurrentBun · 31/08/2026 09:32

I can take an instant dislike though it’s very rare. DH has criticised me for this but I’m never wrong.

There is one thing I am very aware is wrong of me though and that is if anyone reminds me of my evil little sister. She is evil she ran off with big sisters DH. I just feel negative about them but I’m self aware so counter my initial gut reaction with an internal telling myself off.

Original poster
Grapevinegallery · 31/08/2026 09:22

AndAnd · 31/08/2026 09:10

i should probably just ignore it. But I find it strange because I’d never react in this way to someone I barely knew in a group situation.
it’s just not something I’d ever do.

She may have picked up on elements of your character (judginess? chippiness? competitiveness? A need to be liked by all?) that you keep well hidden, even from yourself.

Don’t think I’m judgemental at all. I’m pretty easy going and not especially a people pleaser.

When I made the comment about it not being something I’d do, it’s not a judgement- just an observation. I’d been trying to put myself in her shoes- we all meet people we don’t like. But I just found her behaviour so different to how I’d react.

your post is interesting though as it shows how people can interpret things differently.

OP posts:
likelysuspect · 31/08/2026 09:18

We are human, social, tribal animals, we dont like everyone we come across and sometimes that is for no apparent reason at all. Nothing wrong with that.

AndAnd · 31/08/2026 09:10

i should probably just ignore it. But I find it strange because I’d never react in this way to someone I barely knew in a group situation.
it’s just not something I’d ever do.

She may have picked up on elements of your character (judginess? chippiness? competitiveness? A need to be liked by all?) that you keep well hidden, even from yourself.

OvernightBloats · 31/08/2026 09:10

You probably remind her of someone she disliked in the past. This is her problem.

Trying to understand why is a waste of time. I'm sure it has happened to most - including me - it's not worth picking apart.

Just read some celebrity threads. There's so many opinions about one person - love/hate - and some of the reasons given for disliking someone are insane!

Muffsies · 31/08/2026 09:08

The only times i've taken an instant dislike to someone has been for being either rude, prejudicial, seedy/creepy, or just very superficial and shallow. I will generally try to be polite, but if their behaviour is offensive i will just avoid.

Sometimes i can find perfectly nice, reasonable people annoying or grating just because they are overly talkative or excessively "bubbly". Others really like those people and gravitate to them, so i tend to see it as my problem, not theirs. We're allowed to all be different and like different people, i like quieter people, deep conversations and dry humour. Likewise many people have found they don't get on with me, that's fine i don't need someone to like me i wouldn't fine that troubling, and it wouldn't make me feel there was something wrong with me or them.

I suspect there is just something she couldn't get on with about you. She shouldn't have been rude about it though, that's her failing not yours.

Original poster
Grapevinegallery · 31/08/2026 09:04

Rowley456 · 31/08/2026 08:53

I found that kind of quick negative judgement in people often comes either through complete arrogance or more commonly, deep insecurity. She potentially felt threatened by you. Are you generally upbeat and social in a crowd?

I’m a pretty upbeat, chatty person. I agree that it probably says more about them than me. But it does make me question if I’m the problem!

OP posts:
Original poster
Grapevinegallery · 31/08/2026 08:59

Cushionsy · 31/08/2026 08:49

I have occasionally noticed this and also felt like this about someone - sometimes for fairly minor reasons.

if it is something that happens to you often or you feel like maybe there is something more to it then I’d pause for thought yourself and have a wonder about how you might be interacting with others - if it is only occasional then maybe just chalk it down to a numbers game - everyone will meet people they just aren’t keen on for many reasons.

I think I’m reasonably self aware and my job demands good interpersonal skills. So I don’t think I’m generally rude.
i should probably just ignore it. But I find it strange because I’d never react in this way to someone I barely knew in a group situation.

it’s just not something I’d ever do.

I’ve occasionally found someone irritating to start with and as I’ve got to know them, have warmed to them. So I’d never write someone off immediately.

OP posts:
5128gap · 31/08/2026 08:55

I haven't. Because when I meet new people I'm pretty 'beige'. Give little of myself, respond rather than lead the conversation, ask rather than tell etc until I get the measure of whether I like them or not. As a result, casual acquaintances invariably think I'm 'nice', but I hardly set the world on fire.
People who are more likely to let their personalities show will always run the risk of some people not liking them. However they may also reap the benefits of having other people like them a lot, so its swings and roundabouts.

Rowley456 · 31/08/2026 08:53

I found that kind of quick negative judgement in people often comes either through complete arrogance or more commonly, deep insecurity. She potentially felt threatened by you. Are you generally upbeat and social in a crowd?

Alwaysaboutthemission · 31/08/2026 08:50

A million reasons she might dislike you many of which might be unconscious

Maybe you looked like a teacher that humiliated her.

maybe you wear the same perfume as her aunt who has just died

maybe you laugh just like her best friend who stole her 1st boyfriend

maybe she felt threatened by your confidence, good looks, table manners

List is endless

definately a her problem whatever.

Don’t worry about it.

Spend time with people who do get on with you .

Takingtigermountainbystrategy · 31/08/2026 08:49

I wonder if it was something as simple as you reminding her of someone she didn't like? I used to work as a freelance and one job I had it was clear that the woman running the desk hated me on sight. She was hostile towards me but no one else on the desk from the moment I sat down. Weird

Cushionsy · 31/08/2026 08:49

I have occasionally noticed this and also felt like this about someone - sometimes for fairly minor reasons.

if it is something that happens to you often or you feel like maybe there is something more to it then I’d pause for thought yourself and have a wonder about how you might be interacting with others - if it is only occasional then maybe just chalk it down to a numbers game - everyone will meet people they just aren’t keen on for many reasons.