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Original poster

AIBU to continue chatting to him considering these messages?

97 replies

cotswoldsblue · 30/08/2026 23:55

So I work part time as a server at a cafe, and am friends with one of the chefs.

I started in April, and asked him a WhatsApp question in May. From that point on we started chatting a bit on WhatsApp- mainly work gossip. He's very friendly with everyone, and has a girlfriend who he brought up early on in the chats.

A couple of nights ago he seemed either a bit drunk or over tired.
I asked him ''Can I ask you a question about the shifts''? and he replied with ''You can do anything my dear 😘 ' '
I then said I hadn't said goodbye because I was serving a table, and he said ''When I left you were other side of restaurant, I was upset'' with another kiss emoji.
He then asked me if I wanted to see an email chain about a colleague, and I said yes. There was then a bit more chat and he said ''Right, I need you to be with me rn''. I replied with the chain emoji and he came back with ''Filthy c'' ( just using the letter, but I can guess what that means)!

I was confused and a bit taken aback, but he then said '' Okay, ignoring hand cuffs'' and carried on describing the gossip- I think he thought that was what the link emoji was!

The next day all his messages were the same as the other chats we had, neutral, totally platonic, referencing his girlfriend etc.

I don't know if I should feel guilty about the above exchange considering his girlfriend, or just carry on as if nothing happened, which it basically didn't?

The kiss emojis could be just friendly, I can see him using them with anyone to be honest, although I'm not sure.
The phrase ''I need you to be with me right now'' I wouldn't use if I was in a relationship. However I think he may have just meant 'be with me' as in be present for the gossip
The reaction to that link emoji was a bit strong, but he then shut it down quickly saying he was ignoring it.

Do I have anything to be guilty about considering he's attached? All my replies to the above were laugh emojis

Oh and his girlfriend by the way is a new relationship after liking her for a bit, and she's from a conservative culture so I'm not sure they're intimate yet. So I doubt she's around when he's texting me in the evenings.

Regarding if he should be messaging me in the evenings, we work night shifts and it's often coming off shift with gossip etc, so that's not unusual

OP posts:
Change2banon · 03/09/2026 22:50

I think we should all refrain from being drawn into this child’s post 🙄

Original poster
cotswoldsblue · 03/09/2026 22:42

grinandslothit · 03/09/2026 14:27

Oh come on you cannot be this naive he's not a friend.

Why not?

OP posts:
Original poster
cotswoldsblue · 03/09/2026 22:42

AmberPeaches · 03/09/2026 14:15

Again, you sound desperately pathetic and attention seeking. Your responses don’t answer any of the pertinent questions just add more fluff to your story. Why are you even messaging a work acquaintance out of hours like this?!!

So you can’t be friendly with your work colleagues? We’ve already established the above messages weren’t appropriate.

Out of hours for shift work is different from normal out of hours. Our late shift for example is 4pm to midnight, so I do sometimes message after midnight to friends from work who I know don’t mind being contacted at that hour, and vice versa. I doubt messaging at that hour in our team is exclusive to me and the above colleague.

All our other messages are just idle chats, nothing too personal and not the type of content above, which is why I asked if it crossed such a line that we shouldn’t talk any more at any hour of the day.

OP posts:
mrlistersgelfbride · 03/09/2026 14:34

Stop messaging him out of hours .
You both sound ridiculous.
If someone messaged me a chain emoji I wouldn’t think it was anything remotely to do with emails, and how disrespectful of him to considering sharing emails from another colleague with you!
This is all very juvenile and embarrassing.
He is attached, no good will come of it.

grinandslothit · 03/09/2026 14:27

Oh come on you cannot be this naive he's not a friend.

AmberPeaches · 03/09/2026 14:15

Again, you sound desperately pathetic and attention seeking. Your responses don’t answer any of the pertinent questions just add more fluff to your story. Why are you even messaging a work acquaintance out of hours like this?!!

Change2banon · 03/09/2026 00:07

30’s and 40’s .. you sound like a love struck teenager 🙄
At 30+ you know this is not okay, you know not to flirt with a man who has a girlfriend. Grow up.

GingerdeadMan · 02/09/2026 23:39

cotswoldsblue · 02/09/2026 16:33

But I didn’t message anything I wouldn’t message to a friend? His reaction was what I was asking about.

I won’t message any more, thanks all

Show quote history

Oh come on! You surely can't be that naive? Your messages were extremely flirtatious and ofc that's exactly how hes interpreted them.

The point is, he isn't a friend, he's an older colleague who is in a relationship.

Be sensible and shut this down.

Bellsandthistle · 02/09/2026 23:33

But why are you sharing email chains involving a colleague anyway? He is definitely sending your text exchanges to other people for their amusement.

Original poster
cotswoldsblue · 02/09/2026 23:29

HairyAries · 02/09/2026 23:25

Um, why haven't you explained to him that you put the chain emoji as reference to the email chain/link? I would want to clear that up, and not have him thinking I was making sexual reference to handcuffs etc!

Yeah I did explain that 😂 wrote “it’s a chain, you said you’d send me the email chain”

OP posts:
Shangle · 02/09/2026 23:29

Why would a café chef be involved in a gossipy email "chain". It sounds a bit 2001? Surely any bitching these days especially in a non office workplace would be carried out by WhatsApp?
Did he really say the word "email chain", OP? Really?
And if he really did, was your first instinct really to send 🔗 rather than 📧?

HairyAries · 02/09/2026 23:25

Um, why haven't you explained to him that you put the chain emoji as reference to the email chain/link? I would want to clear that up, and not have him thinking I was making sexual reference to handcuffs etc!

Tinkalinkalink · 02/09/2026 23:09

I definitely think you should stop texting him.

Empress13 · 02/09/2026 22:42

cotswoldsblue · 02/09/2026 16:33

But I didn’t message anything I wouldn’t message to a friend? His reaction was what I was asking about.

I won’t message any more, thanks all

Show quote history

Don’t believe you you know full well what you were doing leading him on. Why are you even messaging him out of hours when you know he’s got a gf? Just stop doing it and find someone who is available

Grumpyoldcat · 02/09/2026 18:29

You are both behaving like younger people without a lot of sense. You should both grow up.

Grumpyoldcat · 02/09/2026 18:27

Stop the whats app chats. It will get messy.

Weirdwonderfully · 02/09/2026 18:22

cotswoldsblue · 02/09/2026 16:33

But I didn’t message anything I wouldn’t message to a friend? His reaction was what I was asking about.

I won’t message any more, thanks all

Show quote history

It’s just distasteful and no fucks given for his girlfriend have some self respect and stop wanting a friendship or what ever you want from it. There’s no reason for you to want a friendship

MonkeyMaze101 · 02/09/2026 16:45

cotswoldsblue · 02/09/2026 16:33

But I didn’t message anything I wouldn’t message to a friend? His reaction was what I was asking about.

I won’t message any more, thanks all

Show quote history

Then you majorly oversteps with your friends

Original poster
cotswoldsblue · 02/09/2026 16:33

Blades2 · 02/09/2026 16:02

We shouldn’t have had to have made it clear. You know he has a woman, you continued to message 🤢 I hope you never have the feeling of seeing a woman messaging the man you love.

Show quote history

But I didn’t message anything I wouldn’t message to a friend? His reaction was what I was asking about.

I won’t message any more, thanks all

OP posts:
Blades2 · 02/09/2026 16:02

cotswoldsblue · 02/09/2026 07:38

This I didn’t say goodbye seems to be getting strong reactions.

It wasn’t something I started a chat with, it was something I said in the middle of the chat above. It is something I’ve said to other friends at work as well? If I just disappear in the middle of shift

He’s messaged similar to me before- “not much chance of a catch-up last night”…

Got it though, it’s too much if he has a girlfriend especially considering the messages that crossed a line.

I’m not sure if I fancy him, he’s just a work friend really. But I don’t have a choice if he has a girlfriend anyway, which you’ve all made clear!

We shouldn’t have had to have made it clear. You know he has a woman, you continued to message 🤢 I hope you never have the feeling of seeing a woman messaging the man you love.

Toooldtocare25 · 02/09/2026 10:21

Clearly you fancy him but just remember if he ever did leave his girlfriend and come to you all he’s done is create a vacancy for the next text flirt 🙄

Beingseenisneedy · 02/09/2026 08:47

Great that you're getting what people are saying OP.
When it feels off, it usually is.

Ask yourself if you'd like it if you were the gf.

Also, why is their sex life even entering your head!
Besides, sex is not only for night time.

Original poster
cotswoldsblue · 02/09/2026 07:38

This I didn’t say goodbye seems to be getting strong reactions.

It wasn’t something I started a chat with, it was something I said in the middle of the chat above. It is something I’ve said to other friends at work as well? If I just disappear in the middle of shift

He’s messaged similar to me before- “not much chance of a catch-up last night”…

Got it though, it’s too much if he has a girlfriend especially considering the messages that crossed a line.

I’m not sure if I fancy him, he’s just a work friend really. But I don’t have a choice if he has a girlfriend anyway, which you’ve all made clear!

OP posts:
Daisywhatsyouranswer · 02/09/2026 07:26

Ok either you fancy him or you desperately want him to fancy you. But you’re going out of your way to contact this guy and you’re over thinking your interactions.

Empress13 · 02/09/2026 07:15

You started the flirty chat with I didn’t say goodbye! Who would even send that unless you wanted a reaction from him? Be truthful OP