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AIBU?

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AIBU to make a roast when my daughter asked me not to?

507 replies

TURTLE74 · 30/08/2026 23:19

Adult daughter 22 is not a fan of roast dinners. She asked me if I could not do a roast dinner today and make something else which I agreed to. However I had a chicken in freezer that needed using up today but I did make a pasta bake which is something she likes as an alternative. I like to make a family dinner on a Sunday for us all. Daughter was disappointed about the roast but I explained to her I had to use chicken up but I did make something she liked as alternative. She said to me you told me you wouldn’t make a roast and she looked upset. She didn’t go hungry though as she had Cottage Pie after saying there’s nothing to eat. AIBU to of made the roast even though there was pasta dish as alternative or was she being unreasonable here as I feel bad about it.

OP posts:
Babyboomtastic · 31/08/2026 16:05

In the absence of an answer from the OP, I've done some important research on frozen food.

In Tesco's, if you buy frozen raw.chicken (pieces, they don't sell whole), there is no 'sell by/use by' but a 'frozen on' date. No recommendation on when it should be eaten by

Some of their frozen chicken products like nuggets have a 'best before'.

So at this point I thought, being charitable to the OP, it could be she bought a frozen chicken from a shop which puts a best before date on them, and then got that confused with sell by/use by, and thought it was a strict date, not vague guidance.

However, very few shops sell whole frozen chickens now. Online Tesco doesn't, Waitrose doesn't, Morrisons doesn't, Asda doesn't, even Iceland doesn't (except for one halal one which I couldn't see any date on the front). I gave up the search there. On short, it's pretty unlikely she bought an already frozen chicken.

So we are back to her not understanding how freezers work.

Ps: I'm ill with a bug, hence over invested and bored.

user1492809438 · 31/08/2026 15:58

It's not really about the roast. She asked you not to do something and you did it anyway. Could you not have explained the chicken needed using, or cooked it and used it in a pasta bake? An adult conversation should have been had.

G5000 · 31/08/2026 15:54

Pinkchickenwine · 31/08/2026 15:45

But she did cook something else for the daughter, a pasta bake that the DD then didn’t fancy…. Can you believe it?

No I can't really, I think it is really bizarre for the DD to thor a strop and object to roast just..being there?

Pinkchickenwine · 31/08/2026 15:45

G5000 · 31/08/2026 15:41

what, why? She is the one cooking, she can decide what the meal is. She's not running a restaurant. If anybody thinks they would rather eat something else, they can cook that meal the next evening.

But she did cook something else for the daughter, a pasta bake that the DD then didn’t fancy…. Can you believe it?

G5000 · 31/08/2026 15:41

Cherrytree86 · 31/08/2026 14:01

If you’re going to cook for your family you need to cook what they want, OP, now what you want

what, why? She is the one cooking, she can decide what the meal is. She's not running a restaurant. If anybody thinks they would rather eat something else, they can cook that meal the next evening.

CrispySquid · 31/08/2026 15:40

Omg I need to know about the freezer! Come back OP and put us out of our misery!

caringcarer · 31/08/2026 15:34

ClaredeBear · 31/08/2026 09:51

My daughter has never had that choice.

Mine neither until she was old enough to cook for herself.

peakyblenders · 31/08/2026 15:10

CruCru · 31/08/2026 12:28

This is a bit annoying. Not everything has to be about Palestine. For whatever reason, the daughter doesn’t like roast dinners. Whether or not she is ungracious about the roast chicken or the pasta bake will make no difference to people thousands of miles away.

It's true that not everything is about Palestine, but I'd say it's also true that OP's daughter might need to get a few things in proportion.

Pinkchickenwine · 31/08/2026 14:06

Cherrytree86 · 31/08/2026 14:01

If you’re going to cook for your family you need to cook what they want, OP, now what you want

Which she did? So what’s the issue?

Shortbreadel · 31/08/2026 14:06

She's 22, not 12. She can sort her own dinner

Thegirlwhowent · 31/08/2026 14:04

TURTLE74 · 31/08/2026 00:15

Daughter did not ask for any other dish to be made she said can we not have roast but I made her pasta bake

More fool you. She can easily not have the roast by... not having the roast and cooking something else for herself.

BeardySchnauzer · 31/08/2026 14:04

Cherrytree86 · 31/08/2026 14:01

If you’re going to cook for your family you need to cook what they want, OP, now what you want

I used to like cooking until I had kids and it has become my least favourite chore. Whilst I try to cook what I know people will eat it is a little soul destroying

if an adult child is living at home they are perfectly capable of cooking for themselves and shouldn’t expect Mum to be their personal chef

Cherrytree86 · 31/08/2026 14:01

If you’re going to cook for your family you need to cook what they want, OP, now what you want

BMW58 · 31/08/2026 13:59

BunnyLake · 31/08/2026 13:34

Or maybe she busy putting all her use by today stuff from the fridge to the freezer because she now understands the concept of a freezer.

I hadn't thought of that 😁👍

BeardySchnauzer · 31/08/2026 13:58

The first suggested thread is ‘AIBU to refuse to feed the baby in the hallway’ so even Mumsnet AI is judging your daughter for being a big baby

catmothertes1 · 31/08/2026 13:56

TyneTeas · 30/08/2026 23:26

But you can keep chicken in the freezer for months, it isn't going to degrade for an extra week or two

I'm confused too.

MarthaLovesLaughing · 31/08/2026 13:56

Sahara123 · 31/08/2026 13:53

Good lord, I’ve been out all morning at a hospital appointment, I’ve come back and we’ve still not had clarification on the chicken in the freezer issue ?!

I think the clarification is that @TURTLE74 has rather unusual views about frozen foods and their use by dates

Pinkchickenwine · 31/08/2026 13:55

Sahara123 · 31/08/2026 13:53

Good lord, I’ve been out all morning at a hospital appointment, I’ve come back and we’ve still not had clarification on the chicken in the freezer issue ?!

It was taken out to make space for the unused pasta bake?

shockthemonkey · 31/08/2026 13:54

Ghastisflabbered · 31/08/2026 00:31

Your OP states

“Adult daughter 22 is not a fan of roast dinners. She asked me if I could not do a roast dinner today and make something else which I agreed to”

so which is it?

I think the OP meant she agreed to make some other (unspecified) dish. Not some other (named) dish.

OP, can you understand why people don’t get the freezer issue? Stuff in the freezer stays stable for many months, and doesn’t go off from one day to the next. So we don’t understand the urgency around the chicken. It’s strange that you’re not addressing this question that has been put to you scores of times already.

Sahara123 · 31/08/2026 13:53

Good lord, I’ve been out all morning at a hospital appointment, I’ve come back and we’ve still not had clarification on the chicken in the freezer issue ?!

Pinkchickenwine · 31/08/2026 13:51

Thisismetooaswell · 31/08/2026 13:47

Not 'unreasonable' but odd on both counts. A chicken in a freezer would easily have lasted another week so you absolutely didn't have to use it specifically - you could have done the roast next Sunday and made something else like you told your daughter you would

She did make something else though.. pasta bake but the DD didn’t fancy that, so she had option 3, the cottage pie.

Honestly, the stress and trauma some mothers put their adult DDs through! Only 3 options for meals.

Totally outrageous!

Pinkchickenwine · 31/08/2026 13:49

BunnyLake · 31/08/2026 13:29

I’m sure if OP had written this thread without alluding to the age of the dd no one would have thought it was about an adult.

Nah, the few you’re trying to force feed, cause eating disorders, you’re not caring, you’re going to sit at a lonely table would still be maintaining it was the OPs fault.

Thisismetooaswell · 31/08/2026 13:47

Not 'unreasonable' but odd on both counts. A chicken in a freezer would easily have lasted another week so you absolutely didn't have to use it specifically - you could have done the roast next Sunday and made something else like you told your daughter you would

NotSmallButFunSize · 31/08/2026 13:44

Fucking hell she is 22!

Make your own then would have been my response!

OnlyUsername · 31/08/2026 13:36

You don't understand freezers and roasts are overrated so YABU.

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