AIBU to make a roast when my daughter asked me not to?

You are both being highly unreasonable.

You for thinking a FROZEN chicken should be eaten by its sell-by-date or else it can't be eaten.

Her for confusing you with her personal chef. Tell her to make the Sunday dinner from now on, you're having a rest.

Do you always mollycoddls your adult daughter @TURTLE74 ?

She sounds like a spoilt brat who thinks the world revolves around her wants and needs.

And the fact you feel guilty about not pandering to her is very telling.

Good grief. 22 and moaning about what dinner she’s being cooked.

My 23 year old son is still at home, never once in his life has he commented on any food, other than to say, “thank you.”

I wouldn’t have even pandered to my 5 year old, she’d get whatever I was cooking too.

I see your point but there may well have been a misunderstanding about what was agreed.

OP said: She asked me if I could not do a roast dinner today and make something else which I agreed to.

OP thought she had fulfilled the agreement by interpreting the request as :
She asked me if I could not do her a roast dinner today and make something else which I agreed to.

Whereas daughter actually didn't want her to make a roast at all.

Sorry, I still don't think the daughter should be dictating what OP can and can't cook and what the rest of the family can and can't eat. My eldest is vegan and if he wants to join us for a family meal he shares the bits he can eat (roast potatoes, broccoli etc) and cooks himself some vegan sausages or similar to add to his plate. If he sulked at us for eating what he personally didn't approve of he would get pretty short shift. Young adults are young adults not toddlers.

She asked you not to make her a roast, you didn't. You made her a pasta bake.
You can eat whatever you like.

But I am really confused about having to defrost a chicken before the use by date? Do you mean it was in the fridge, not freezer?

Ha, exactly - I’m ignoring that so it’s forever in date

She is being unreasonable for not liking roast dinners.
She is being unreasonable for not being happy you made something especially for her. Which she ate.
If everyone else was happy with a roast dinner then it should not bother her.
You wanted a roast. She didn’t. You both got what you wanted.

I dont understand why everyone is so confused about the whole dated chicken thing - frozen food absolutely does have a use by/best before date on it, its just that most of us choose to ignore it.
My OH is like OP he would have to have used it by the date or thrown it out.
Im more perplexed at somebody not wanting a roast dinner when its on offer!!

I sort of get it. If the mum makes a family roast every Sunday and the daughter doesn’t like it and asks for one occasion they could all have something else, then the mum makes the roast anyway, I might be a bit put out.

There are thousands of recipes you can make with chicken, why did it have to be a roast? You don’t need to make a separate pasta bake (which does sound like a bit of a rubbish alternative).

My husband is perfectly capable of making dinner, but I like cooking for the family and happily take suggestions (I encourage them as although I love cooking, thinking of what to cook gets a bit tedious). Same as when my husband cooks for us, he asks what people want to cook and takes suggestions, I don’t think it’s that odd. My parents also ask us what we want to eat when we go and visit them.

Will still need eating by Friday latest

Is 22 typo, OP? You meant 2, surely? Standard toddler behaviour!

YANBU, you went to the trouble of providing an alternative and it sounds as though she acted like a diva. She doesn't get to decree that you're not allowed to cook roasts at all just because she doesn't like them.

Stop 🤣🤣🤣

Honestly, I think your daughter is unreasonable but once you agreed not to do a roast, you should have honoured it. One more week on the chicken will make no difference. You should have made the pasta bake for everyone. Then going forward, she is 22 - stop cooking for her if she doesn’t appreciate it and refuse to ‘not do a roast’ if you like doing roasts. She is welcome to cook something else instead if she doesn’t want to eat it.

I don't think it was the food you made her that was the problem, it's the fact that you broke a agreement and disregarded her feelings.
From her perspective you agreed not to make a roast because she doesn't like it, she obviously expected that dinner would something else that all the family would eat, for example the pasta bake. She was probably looking forward to the family meal being something that she likes, eating together and eating the same food as the family is very different than having something different just for her. I'm not saying she is right to react that way but and you should consider why you agreed not make a roast and did it anyway, if you know she doesn't like it then you shouldn't be surprised that she was annoyed.
Also I am voting you are unreasonable because if a chicken is frozen it doesn't have to be used on the day so the roast could have been made for any day of the week or you could have cooked the chicken and then refrigerated it or used the chicken meat for anything else than a roast dinner.

I'm a bit lost about why the chicken "had to" be used that day as it was in the freezer so I'll ignore that bit.

But the gist of it:

OP planned to cook a roast chicken dinner for the family.
Adult daughter doesn't like roasts and asked OP not to make one.
OP went ahead but made a separate dinner (pasta bake) for adult daughter so she didn't have to have roast.
Daughter stropped because mum had made the roast. (But why? There was another dinner for her. So it sounds like she was sulking about the rest of the family enjoying a roast because she had told mum not to make one and was annoyed about being disobeyed???)
Daughter refused to eat the alternative pasta bake anyway (Why? Presumably this is a dinner she usually likes, hence OP making it.)
Daughter ate cottage pie leftovers, which she could have done anyway without whining and stropping about a roast she didn't think the rest of the family should have or a pasta bake she turned her nose up at.

What a brat. She should be buying her own food and making her own stupid dinner.

I feel a bit for your daughter because you agreed that Sunday dinner this week wouldn't be a roast and then went back on your word, she didn't actually say anything about it she just looked upset. Was the pasta bake just prepared or already cooked? I could understand wanting to eat together if Sunday meals are important to the family and feeling excluded if the alternative meal wasn't ready at the same time.

Does she usually cook anything herself?

Of course-mine keeps the bread fresh for that bit longer.

Where do you keep yours? On the side, in a cupboard, in the fridge(!) in the oven, on top of the roof?

A bread bin is better than all these alternatives.

You made a whole second meal for a 22year old? Fucking hell. Are either of you planning on her growing up anytime soon?

She's an adult. If she doesn't like what you're cooking then she feeds herself.

What happened to the pasta bake? Is it now frozen?

You made pasta bake which was kind as an alternative to the planned roast .

but she didn’t fancy the pasta bake

tough.

you’re running a house not a restaurant

in our house if another adult doesn’t fancy what I make - that’s fine - they are welcome to use the kitchen to rustle themselves up an alternative or a phone to get a deliveroo.

I wouldn’t overthink this and I certainly wouldn’t make alternatives again.

She sounds very hard work and ungrateful and if she is so particular about what she fancies then she can cook her own meals.

Well, I suppose you raised her, you made the rod and now it's firmly latched onto your own back.

Why is OP even tolerating it and asking AIBU? @TURTLE74 surely you don't need to be told the answer when a 22 yr old with 3 meal options complains?

I'm confused about the chicken going off in the freezer too.

I wouldn't even consider that a roast dinner tbh. It's just cooked chicken with pasta bake.