AIBU to make a roast when my daughter asked me not to?

I’m genuinely confused by this. You agreed not to do a roast, and then you did it anyway. And somehow the justification is that it was a frozen chicken that could have stayed in the freezer for another week? That makes absolutely no sense to me.

She’s 22, not 2. I genuinely find it bizarre that everyone seems to think that once someone is an adult, their wishes suddenly shouldn’t matter when it comes to something as basic as food. Obviously she doesn’t get to dictate everything the family does, but if she says she doesn’t want something and you’ve agreed not to make it, then why would you turn around and make it anyway?

I’m from an Eastern family, and in my experience we actually take into account what the adults in the family like to eat. My mum always made what I liked. Not because I was “entitled” or because she was somehow obliged to cater to my every demand, but because she was feeding her family and actually cared whether we enjoyed the food.

That’s what I don’t understand about this whole argument. What is the point of cooking for your family if you completely disregard what they like? It’s not some outrageous demand to want your own family to consider your preferences.
If you wanted a roast that badly, you could have simply said, “We’re having roast, so you’ll have to sort yourself out.” At least then she could have made her own choice.

I honestly don’t understand why people are so determined to turn this into a lesson about entitlement when the actual issue is that you said one thing and then did another, despite knowing she didn’t want it.

When did you tell her the menu had changed? If I'd had a conversation with whoever was cooking and they'd agreed to make a change for me I'd be disappointed to sit down and find out they'd made the usual meal without telling me.

I have young adult / teenage kids and quite often they ask if we can have something different for a change, if I said yes then realised I needed to use something else up instead then I'd let them know as soon as I realised. I'd offer an alternative or they'd decide to make their own.

I'm also another one confused about the frozen chicken, it lasts for months in the freezer.

No, she's a 22 year old woman. It's just a meal and she got something she liked.
I've no idea what the problem is.

Well if you used the chicken by its use by date what was the point of freezing it ?

What am I reading here. Is she alright? You still made a meal for her. Where was she during the prep and cooking of these meal? If she.helped she would have known and could have said I dont fancy pastabake.

She said she didnt want roast.
You made her pasta bake and you made roast for everyone else. Turned out she also didnt want pasta bake..sooooooo you knew that because .... ??

you should have all had pasta to keep her company!
@TURTLE74

My daughter has never had that choice.

Your DD had a choice of 3 home cooked hot meals. Lucky girl.

Your DD gets to say she doesn't want to eat roast dinner but not to say you can't cook it for others would like to eat it. She had an alternative. So many other DC would love a hot home cooked dinner every day.

Mum i dont like a roast can I have something else please? Reasonable

Mum i dont like a roast can you not cook a roast for any of us? Unreasonable

At 22 Id normally say options are eat what I made or sort yourself out. But you did promise tea and no roast so I think you were fair to do the pasta. And it was absolutely sensible to use the chicken

Even though the packet says 'Bejam' on it?

Honestly just stuck on the bratty dd’s behaviour and the fact that the chicken absolutely needed to be cooked yesterday despite being frozen. I mean did you cook it from frozen? Wasn’t that incredibly… dry?!

😂

I have known a lot of parents over the years who will pander to their children from an early age over food. Not for any reason other than “they don’t like it/didn’t want it.”

I cook what I cook. If you don’t want it, that’s okay, have some cereal. I’m not cooking multiple meals or planning around what someone doesn’t fancy that week.

A proper dislike, then of course. We just won’t have it. But I’m just talking the bog standard curry/pasta/meat and veg dinners.

It’s the whole point of having a freezer. I spot something in the fridge about to go out of date and I stick it in the freezer. Are you maybe feeling a bit guilty because you wanted to have the chicken?

Does frozen food have a use by date … thinks she might need to clear out the 3 year old mackerel …. Seriously a week or two won’t make a difference if you have a proper -18 or lower freezer

Clearly never told to like it or lump it as a child. I have a sign in my kitchen "Dinner Choices -Take It or Leave It. I would have just pointed to that.
She's old enough to sort he4 own food.

Fair enough if she doesnt want a roast dinner (although in our house the kids stage a protest when there isnt a roast!) but its dont think she should dictate what others eat if there is (more than one) alternative meal

My DD (20) doesn't like spicy food, and is pretty fussy.we usually plan curry/chilli etc when she is out , or at uni, but if we have it when she's home she makes herself something different.

This is the sort of thread that Sunday mornings were made for.

except it’s Monday today.

I think YABU here, mainly because she specifically asked you not to make a roast and you agreed. I can understand wanting to use the chicken up, and it was thoughtful to make her a pasta bake as well, but from her point of view you said you’d do one thing and then did another. It sounds like the issue is probably more about keeping your word than the roast itself. She had something she liked to eat, so it’s not a huge disaster, but I can see why she was upset.

I don't think she is dictating and I don't think there was a misunderstanding on Mum's part. The mum clearly knows that the DD doesn't like a roast but makes one every week. The DD asked "can we not have roast" as in can the family not have roast, mum agreed and did it anyway.
When Mum agreed DD probably felt excited and happy thought mum had taken account of her request and looked forward to eat a meal she liked with her family.
When she arrived at dinner it probably felt like a slap in the face, by Mum agreeing and then disregarding the agreement she is basicallu stating 'I listened to your feelings, agreed to something else and then changed my mind. That means your feelings and preferences aren't actually that important, what I want is more important than yours'
A family meal doesn't have to be a roast but a family meal usually means eating the same meal together unless PREVIOUSLY agreed and in this case that didn't happen. It's like breaking a promise. I don't think that's bratty behaviour but a real and genuine disappointment and feeling upset.

What is her problem?

My DC sometimes make dinner requests that I try and accommodate. If one of mine really didn’t like roasts I’d roast the meat and let them eat it a different way than with veg and gravy - with rice or in a wrap with salad etc. I do that because I don’t want them to go to the fridge and cook a separate meal, or eat cereal instead.

Sigh, scrolled through the lot and still no chicken update.

She is 22 not 5. She is far to old to be getting upset over something like that.