AIBU not to pay for my sister’s younger children’s hobbies?

@SouthLondonMum22 Ive just said what i’d do. I’m a bit of a soft touch to be fair and what would probably regret my life choices.

Good decision OP.
The bill for 10 years would be staggering.

Trouble with doing it as an Xmas gift is that it will be forgotten by Christmas and the OPs sister might say they have nothing to unwrap

Absolutely not unreasonable, and good for you for saying no.

That you can afford it is utterly irrelevant. You’re not the family cash cow, and having it does not oblige you to spend it on your sister’s children. If your sister wants her younger children to do the same hobbies as her eldest then she and her husband needs to fund that themselves.

Unfortunately your previous generosity is not being recognized for the kindness that it was, but considered something you were and are expected to provide. That is not something it would be wise to confirm.

Yep. Don't even start as xmas gift. I looked up the price of riding lessons. Average is £50 an hour if you are down South. So two kids would be £100 a week. If you kept funding for 10 years, till the same age the first two lost interest, you are looking at over £48k. I mean... Forty Eight Thousand Pounds!

Stick to your guns, OP. It is perfectly reasonable to say no. They are not your children and it isn't your responsibility.

This. I cannot imagine a relative having the brass neck to consider the line items in my annual budget and have the gall to say to me. “I don’t agree with what you’ve allocated in your holiday, car, meals out, and clothing budgets this year. That’s disposable income, and should really be covering my child’s dance and horse riding lessons this year instead. I spoke with Mum, and she agrees.”

I’m pleased you’ve decided to stand your ground and say no. Anything else just sets an expectation that you’ll pay indefinitely.

Agree with this. If you’re wealthy, you can still spend your money how you like and on who you like. An expectation that anything disposable to you when wealthy can automatically be claimed by family members for non-essential activities is a slippery slope.

You earned your money and made choices that assisted you accumulate wealth and you can choose to spend that wealth however you want without the hand outs being deducted

YABU. You should sell your house and use the proceeds to buy a dance studio and a stable. You should retrain as both a dance teacher and a riding instructor, and teach your DNs yourself. This is what any good auntie would do. I would do it in a heartbeat for my (imagined) nieces.

They’ve got 2 incomes, why can’t they pay?

they could just do cheaper hobbies, brownies/scouts/football etc. cheap as chips

Of course don’t pay!

If she has another four children are you obliged to pay for their hobbies too?!

I would say ‘We won’t be paying DSis. We did it the first time because it was nice for our own children to have their cousins there but at no time did we indicate that we’d do it for any subsequent children. I’m not sure why you think it’s an option really. They are your children and you are responsible for their hobbies.’

I don’t understand your Mums logic at all! Does she usually favour your sister?
You paid for the first set of children’s hobbies because they could do them alongside your own children and your children enjoyed having their cousins around.
Those children are all now young adults and instead of concentrating on them and herself your sister has chosen to have more children.
Your sister must think that you treated the children to the hobbies as they were her children, which the youngest ones are also. You need to set the record straight that you paid for the first children’s hobbies because your children wanted to do them alongside their cousins and she was a single parent in a tricky situation, not because you feel responsible for all nephew/nieces.

Op I'd say no.
Neither of those are cheap hobbies. If they were things like swimming that I'd class as essential or budget hobbies like Scouts / Guides I'd consider it.

The riding could be a Christmas gift, ie a block of a few lessons. Not a week to week year in year out hobby.

Dance is a money pit of a hobby, between lessons, and outfits plus tickets for shows.
You could give outfits / shoes as birthday gifts.

I would stop that gravy train asap. Selection boxes for Christmas from now on.

I don't think you should pay at all but you could consider covering them for a year maybe as an early Christmas gift? If finances aren't the issue?

This is quite reasonable OP, why have more children if you can't afford to give them what they need/want, because my DSis will pay. She's a cf.

If anyone is selfish, surely it is OP's sister for having 2 more children she can't afford hobbies for? After all, they are her children, not OP's.

OP's sister was also a single parent before, that isn't the case now.

I’m afraid it sounds like she’s just keeping the peace (in her mind) and desperately trying to avoid any conflict — you’re not being unreasonable, these children are basically a whole second set of children to yours and growing up with a father and second income which is possibly the void you felt you were filling last time. Don’t pay!

How old are the older siblings Are they expected to babysit the younger ones?

People seem to love spending other people’s money.

The mind boggles at your sister’s sheer effrontery. I was in a very well paid job (main earner in the family) and still firmly steered my now-adult daughter away from horse-riding because I knew just how expensive it was.
Both my daughters did dance but eventually I stopped that too - it seemed like an absolute gravy train for the organisers to me. Maybe that’s unfair but at one point I was asked to pay £400 for them to perform in the end of term show with the cost covering theatre hire, costumes etc. There wasn’t even any travel involved. They would have been on the stage for all of 10 minutes. I refused, explained why, and my children found other hobbies they enjoyed. They certainly haven’t suffered any ill effects, both did well at university and are successful young adults.
There has to be a limit to this type of thing even for your OWN children. I can’t believe your sister expects you to pay a penny towards two children she foolishly decided to have with a new partner who brought very little to the table financially. It wouldn’t be quite so bad if he was in a well paid career but frankly any
sensible woman would have decided she was done with raising children since she already had two and concentrated on improving her career and financial prospects. I’m aware that sounds harsh.
I’m pretty sure her older children aren’t too thrilled about it either. I know from my own experience that young adult children still need your time, attention and support (not just financial) as they navigate life, but she can’t give that because her hands are full looking after two pre-school age children. The whole situation is ridiculous.

I just knew it would be expensive hobbies. Your sister is in a very different situation this time and It’s not your fault they can’t afford these expensive hobbies. Stick to your guns, you’re right, your money should not be considered communal money for others to spend for you.

All these people asking, "Why don't you just pay for...?" WHY ARE YOU ASKING THAT? She has already paid substantially for her sister's other children. Why the heck should she pay more?? Except for the case of a very few, money isn't endless! She may want to use her money on vacation, a hobby for herself, fancy dinners out, retirement, or, god forbid, HER OWN CHILDREN. How grabby and greedy you all are to think someone should spend money on someone else's children for anything other than a dire emergency!