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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU not to pay for my sister’s younger children’s hobbies?

547 replies

SheGood · 30/08/2026 22:54

Me and my sister had both of our children within months of each other. My sister was younger than me, ended up being a single mum and wasn’t very well off, so we used to pay for her children to do the same hobbies as our children as the they liked being together and my sister wouldn’t have been able to afford it otherwise. Her children stopped doing the hobbies at about 13 as they lost interest. All of the children are now young adults either at uni or working.

My sister has gone on to have 2 children with a new partner who are 3 and 4. She wants them to do the same hobbies as the older children did but can’t afford it. She sent a text today and asked us to pay like we did for her other children. I feel like there is an expectation we do it and my mum has said that we can’t really not do it for the younger children when we did it for the older ones. We can afford it but I feel angry at the expectation. My mum can’t afford to pay as I would tell her to.

We did it for the older ones because it meant our children could do the hobbies with their cousins. If our children weren’t doing it, we wouldn’t have paid. I can understand the argument of doing the same for all of them in a way but there are years between them and the situation isn’t the same.

Are we being unreasonable if we say we are not paying? My sister and partner both work but in low paid jobs. My sister has always struggled financially but I can’t help think having another 2 children was irresponsible if they can’t pay for what they want for them. It’s very obvious that we are better off due to what we have but I feel they look at us and think we should pay just because we are better off. My husband think she’s cheeky but doesn’t care if we pay or not.

OP posts:
Hollycoco · 31/08/2026 07:59

No. Where does it end?

What if she then has child 5 and 6 in a couple of years time? And her young adult kids then start popping out babies and come ask you to pay for their clubs too?

She shouldn’t have chosen to have more children if she couldn’t afford to pay for them.

4timesthefun · 31/08/2026 07:58

Gosh your sister is an entitled CF. If I could easily afford it, then I’d pay, simply for the sake of the children. They clearly have 2 parents who are probably a bit lacking (and probably not just financially, sounds like the sister has never been one for good decisions), and the more protective factors they have, the better. However, if you can’t comfortably afford it then you shouldn’t feel guilty at all.

CloudyWithAChanceOfCustard · 31/08/2026 07:49

Oh my god! This is insane levels of fucking cheek!! I can’t actually believe your sister (and mum!!) have even asked…WTAF?? How on earth are they not embarrassed? 🙈

Your sister couldn’t afford to pay for the hobbies of her ‘first round of children’…so you were incredibly generous (I would not have done that, but hats off to you OP) and they benefited for many years, spent time with their cousins etc.

Now…despite being unable to afford it, they’ve gone on to have TWO MORE children and are expecting YOU to subsidise their lifestyle?? Hell no!

You sound like a kind person…but kindness DOES NOT mean ‘pushover’! Don’t be a pushover! Children don’t ‘need’ hobbies! They don’t ‘need’ to do the same as their much older siblings…and they won’t miss what they’ve never had! And it’s CERTAINLY NOT YOUR JOB to pay for these things!

Purpl · 31/08/2026 07:47

Unless you are incredibly wealthy then no. You had 2 children as that wgat you can afford and you need to prioritise your own kids uni help house deposit whatever and now they are older you need to sort pensions while still able to work & col is not helping.
As others have said xmas/birthdays or give them more miney at these events and telll them to put towards what need. You do need to tell your mum that she chose to have 4 kids she could have even had 3. Most people dont have 3 kids as pushes over edge financially

Gateappreciation · 31/08/2026 07:44

You helped her when she was a single mum, and so the cousins could do the hobbies together. She is no longer a single mum, and has a partner.

Use the text along the lines of what @OttersOnAPlane said

If they can’t afford it, they should approach the club and asked first a discretionary subscription. Most clubs can offer reduced fees to parents in need.

Cheeky mare.

bettyrubble99 · 31/08/2026 07:41

Why does your sister keep having children she can't afford?

TheignT · 31/08/2026 07:40

SheGood · 30/08/2026 23:16

My husband said he’s happy to do it for the children as otherwise they won’t get the chance but I feel like we are being used which feels shit.

Your husband sounds lovely.

Genevieva · 31/08/2026 07:40

Your lives have moved on and you have different expenses and priorities. It’s completely legitimate to say you won’t be doing the same for two more children. It’s a big longterm commitment.

Bluenotgreen · 31/08/2026 07:34

OttersOnAPlane · 30/08/2026 23:06

"We paid for A & B's hobbies so the cousins could do activities together. That's not the situation for C & D. You'll need to pay for your children's activities yourselves."

Perfect response.

If your mother feels that strongly about it, she can go without something and pay.

Sortingmyself · 31/08/2026 07:33

SheGood · 30/08/2026 23:11

I’m relieved to read that so far no one thinks we should pay. I thought we might be seen as in the wrong for not treating all of the children the same. My mum said we should treat them all the same which means paying and she is usually sensible.

Sorry but I'm eye rolling with your DM's expectations and suggestions that you pay the hobby fees for all your DN's...there's always someone who's free and easy with another person's time or money!! 🙄

Bananalanacake · 31/08/2026 07:30

Why can't her 2 kids dad pay for the activities.

DanceMumTaxi · 31/08/2026 07:24

Your mum is probably only saying you should pay to keep the peace. This is a totally different situation to when your children were younger, I don’t think you should be paying now.

2O26 · 31/08/2026 07:20

fumingrightnow1 · 30/08/2026 23:14

Didn't you post this the other day

Exactly what I thought.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5567458-aibu-to-tell-my-best-friend-that-i-cant-financially-level-things-up-between-our-kids?postsby=stingyorfair

The original poster (OP) was asking if they were being unreasonable to say "no" to their sister-in-law (SIL). The wealthy OP had previously paid for nice extras like family holidays and children's activities. However, the entitlement escalated significantly when the OP bought their own child a horse and enrolled them in private school. The SIL expected the OP to "level things up" financially by bankrolling a horse and private school tuition for the niece as well, arguing it was unfair for the cousins to have different lifestyles.

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https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5567458-aibu-to-tell-my-best-friend-that-i-cant-financially-level-things-up-between-our-kids?postsby=stingyorfair

Rattymcratty · 31/08/2026 07:19

Life is too short. You’ve got the money and a feckless sister. Just call it birthday and Christmas presents sorted for that side of the family.

DozyCrow · 31/08/2026 07:18

I wouldn't pay. The circumstances were different before and don't apply this time. Your sister should live within her means, not expect others to pay. As for your mum, it's easy to be generous when it's someone else's money you're spending.

Moonnstarz · 31/08/2026 07:14

Orangeandpinkcloud · 31/08/2026 03:34

Was also going to suggest paying for it or putting towards it for for birthday and Christmas if it comes into your budget for it.

This would be my suggestion too. Say that you are willing to pay for a term of football lessons or whatever it is for their birthday/Christmas present but make it clear that it's not ongoing.

I don't know why your own mum thinks you are responsible for your sister's kids.

Noshowlomo · 31/08/2026 07:09

Your sister is super entitled. There was a good response further back about you paid so the cousins could all do something together. The younger cousins won’t know the difference. Also she was a single parent and now her youngest two have two parents to support them. Make sure you include they have two parents to support them!

TheBlueKoala · 31/08/2026 07:08

@SheGood Your sister is entitled and a CF. She should be ashamed of herself. Your mother is not objective- she just wants what's good for her gc and she knows you have the means to offer it.

Having said that I would perhaps offer the activities as a birthday/christmas gift for the children (since you are well off) but I would only get a token gift to CF sister.

DearCritic · 31/08/2026 06:55

I think just be honest and explain you did it for older ones for selfish reasons, so they could have their cousins with them. Your goal wasn’t for her kids to benefit, but just nice it did. Your goal was for your kids to benefit. But you don’t have any younger ones to benefit from situation, so you don’t be helping.

It’s clear you’re not particularly close with your sister…. But I’m guessing she’d know it was a lie if you said you or DH have been let go so haven’t the spare money etc.

Badsox · 31/08/2026 06:50

Your sister is being ridiculous expecting you to pay and of course you are not obliged to at all.

That said, I might make an exception because your husband does not mind, if the payment is for swimming lessons. The risk of the children not being able to swim is significant and it will really disadvantage them in later life. You are of course not obliged to do this and it is very unreasonable of your sister to be asking you for all of the reasons previous posters have noted.

Alittlefrustrated · 31/08/2026 06:42

Tell them all of youe ciecumstances have changed,and your money is spoken for/you can no longer afford to.

TheTwerkingDuchessOfMonteshitshow · 31/08/2026 06:41

First time round your sister was a single mum. This time round she’s not. It’s as simple as that.

Alittlefrustrated · 31/08/2026 06:35

Ponoka7 · 31/08/2026 00:14

I don't know any families, who wouldn't pay for children's hobbies, if they could afford it. The choice is your's, but if your Mum decides to struggle and pay, it's none of your business.

Her mother has no intention of paying, she expects OP to.

rainingsnoring · 31/08/2026 06:34

SheGood · 30/08/2026 23:16

My husband said he’s happy to do it for the children as otherwise they won’t get the chance but I feel like we are being used which feels shit.

Your DH is very kind and generous but your sister is shockingly entitled and your Mum seems to be encouraging her. If your mum feels this way, she should offer to pay herself.