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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU not to pay for my sister’s younger children’s hobbies?

547 replies

SheGood · 30/08/2026 22:54

Me and my sister had both of our children within months of each other. My sister was younger than me, ended up being a single mum and wasn’t very well off, so we used to pay for her children to do the same hobbies as our children as the they liked being together and my sister wouldn’t have been able to afford it otherwise. Her children stopped doing the hobbies at about 13 as they lost interest. All of the children are now young adults either at uni or working.

My sister has gone on to have 2 children with a new partner who are 3 and 4. She wants them to do the same hobbies as the older children did but can’t afford it. She sent a text today and asked us to pay like we did for her other children. I feel like there is an expectation we do it and my mum has said that we can’t really not do it for the younger children when we did it for the older ones. We can afford it but I feel angry at the expectation. My mum can’t afford to pay as I would tell her to.

We did it for the older ones because it meant our children could do the hobbies with their cousins. If our children weren’t doing it, we wouldn’t have paid. I can understand the argument of doing the same for all of them in a way but there are years between them and the situation isn’t the same.

Are we being unreasonable if we say we are not paying? My sister and partner both work but in low paid jobs. My sister has always struggled financially but I can’t help think having another 2 children was irresponsible if they can’t pay for what they want for them. It’s very obvious that we are better off due to what we have but I feel they look at us and think we should pay just because we are better off. My husband think she’s cheeky but doesn’t care if we pay or not.

OP posts:
ByUniqueViper · 31/08/2026 09:35

Your reasons before were different and it was very generous of you. But I think she has got a cheek to ask again, especially as she has a partner so isn't a single parent this time.
The only thing I will say is it sounds like you can afford it based on your husbands response so if you can and your sister has asked, then it would be nice if you could do this for the younger children

caringcarer · 31/08/2026 09:35

Pinklightning · 31/08/2026 08:47

I‘m sure I’ve read this before except it was to pay for private school after yous paid for activities/holidays so the cousins could do things together.

Well it shows there are more than one entitled sister about.

Doglover73 · 31/08/2026 09:34

Wow talk about cheeky and entitled. Definite no. I think your mum us also out of order putting that on you. She could go on to have more children, I presume.
It may cause friction but thats not on you, it on them, expecting someone else to pay for her children. Dont feel guilty at all. I think it was very kind of you to do it in the first place. ♥️

openended · 31/08/2026 09:34

I'd decline. I believe in cutting your cloth accordingly.She chose to have a further 2 children when in a low paid job and her poor decisions are her own.

Jellyslothbridge · 31/08/2026 09:33

You were generous to cousins when your sister was a single Mum and they would be aware their cousins had an oppertunity they didn't. Your sister is not a single parent to the younger children and they don't have similar age cousins to compare with.
It is also the ongoing nature of hobby lessons (they may not give up at 13 or be so fantastic at it so it becomes more involved and expensive)
You can be generous in other ways.

Electricsausages · 31/08/2026 09:33

Your sisters got more cheek than a cows arse

eish · 31/08/2026 09:32

i think she’s cheeky and that you have no obligation to pay at all. However, when considering the children and wanting them to have opportunities, could you offer to pay 50%? This might make you feel less used as sister will need to contribute. They said, I think your sister is a CF.

beAsensible1 · 31/08/2026 09:31

SheGood · 30/08/2026 23:11

I’m relieved to read that so far no one thinks we should pay. I thought we might be seen as in the wrong for not treating all of the children the same. My mum said we should treat them all the same which means paying and she is usually sensible.

You aren’t their parent, you aren’t obligated to treat them the same. They weren’t even alive when you paid for the others, it’s irrelevant.

so if your sister goes on to have 6 that’s means you have to pay for those too? It’s a ridiculous notion

nowhite · 31/08/2026 09:31

If you can afford something could you say something like “our financial situation is different now so I can’t commit to this like I used to but I’m sending you a contribution”

Reallyneedsaholiday · 31/08/2026 09:30

I don't think you SHOULD pay, but I know that I WOULD pay, if I was in a position to do so without hardship. It wouldn't sit right with me, not to treat the children the same.

Newname26 · 31/08/2026 09:29

Redburnett · 31/08/2026 09:26

My question would be why is someone who cannot afford a decent life for their children having four? And why isn't the DC's Dad stepping up?
Maybe DSis' adult children could help financially with their younger siblings......

There is a fair bet in 2026 the young adult siblings are struggling to keep their own heads above water.
They'll have had no financial support from the mum.

Hankunamatata · 31/08/2026 09:29

No you shouldnt pay
Secondly kids are only 3 and 4 they dont need paid hobbies

Kalanthe · 31/08/2026 09:29

It's not your responsibility to pay for someone's children. You made a generous gesture paying for her first set of kids when your sister was a single mum, but now she has a partner and made a conscious decision to have two more. The children have parents who have the duty to provide for them. You are not the parent. And don't listen to your mum, instead of being grateful for how you already helped out they're being entitled and demanding more, that's very cheeky to say the least

KiwiFall · 31/08/2026 09:29

Very similar thread not long ago and most (if not all) were on the side of not your responsibility to pay.

Just text back that you paid Purdy selfishly for your children so all the cousins could do the hobby together and her being a single mum you wanted to help. The situation has changed and you have that money earmarked for your children at uni and your retirement.

Tell your mum the same. Tell her she’s free to help out the youngest grandchildren (and you won’t feel any ill feeling towards her treating the youngest 2 differently to yours if she feels so strongly they should be treated the same).

KmcK87 · 31/08/2026 09:26

One of the most CF requests I’ve ever seen and that’s saying something.

Of course you don’t pay for it.

Redburnett · 31/08/2026 09:26

My question would be why is someone who cannot afford a decent life for their children having four? And why isn't the DC's Dad stepping up?
Maybe DSis' adult children could help financially with their younger siblings......

caringcarer · 31/08/2026 09:24

I'd probably agree to pay for 1 hobby with a cap off of 10 years old. If I could afford it and your DH doesn't seem to mind. I gave my eldest niece who grew up with my DS with only 2 months apart in ages a monthly allowance when she went to uni because I knew my sister couldn't afford to do it as had 3 younger DC even though her DH worked full time and she worked 30 hours a week but both on minimum wage or a little above. When her youngest DD wanted to go to uni 12 years later I'm also paying her an allowance each month for 4 years. They are both my nieces and so I'm treating them the same even though my sister and Bil are better off financially now their other DC are independent and all working and earning their own money. I like to be generous with all my nieces and nephews because I can afford to be. If I couldn't afford to be it might be a different story. If you can afford to treat your little nieces it would be kind of you to do so and it would make a real difference to their lives enriching their childhoods. I know I seem to be in the minority. You certainly have no obligation to help them.

MandemChickenShop · 31/08/2026 09:24

how much is it? is it a lot to you?

Newname26 · 31/08/2026 09:24

Its a huge ask, most activities are at least £5-10 a session, even low cost things like Scouts, football and swimming

For two kids doing swimming £10 and say Scouts / Guides £5, is £30 a week, £120 a month, £1440 a year.

I'd be very very wary of paying for money sports, things with lots of equipment, ice hockey, riding, dance (which seems to be a money pit).

Some kids drop out others do take sports to the next level, and where would you want to draw the line? Paying for hotels to get to distant competitions etc?

One way is to say the max I'm prepared to spend is × per child.

Firefly100 · 31/08/2026 09:22

I would say no. ‘Dear DS, we paid for an and b in part so that our children could have the benefit of doing the hobby with their cousins. This isn’t the case now and I also don’t want to start something I could then feel responsible for for a decade or more. Sorry’

Bumcake · 31/08/2026 09:21

OttersOnAPlane · 30/08/2026 23:13

If your mum's that bothered, she can pay.

Read paragraph 2.

She shouldn’t have asked, but if you can afford it then maybe you could pay in lieu of Christmas or birthday gifts? Seems a shame for the kids to miss out if it’s something they’d enjoy.

UnbeatenMum · 31/08/2026 09:21

I probably would if the money isn't much to you and the hobby is something important or beneficial like a sport or swimming. You're annoyed by the way she asked and the entitlement and you should tell her that too though.

Shinyandnew1 · 31/08/2026 09:20

Blimey, your sister couldn’t afford clubs when her kids were tiny and she was on her own, so you kindly helped so she has decided to have more children but she still can’t afford the clubs for this one and has decided that’s now your responsibility!

I can see where the sense of entitlement comes from though as clearly your mum is telling her she’s right to expect it, rather than telling her not to be so rude!

ChatterB · 31/08/2026 09:19

Id get them the hobbies as their birthday & christmas presents. Unless they are wildly expensivs, that would be mid ground to keep the peace!

Figgygal · 31/08/2026 09:19

No I'd not pay
Completely different circumstances exist now and she's shockingly rude to even ask

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