AIBU to question a pool asking my four-year-old daughter to cover up?

Hundreds (OK, it was the 80s.. 10s) of pictures of me in just bottoms when at the beach - I have no idea what kids wore to the pool, but when I was at centre parcs recently babies were in full onsies (to keep warm I'd guess), but toddlers (and 4 is barely not a toddler) were wearing whatever their parents put them in - some with rash vests, some just pants.

I can't see the issue. And no, at 4, the only way you can really tell the difference in even a partially dressed toddler is hair cut/clothing choices (which is obviously not conclusive).

And my sons needed help getting out of their clothes until they were about 10! Peeling off a rash vest/trunks is tricky.

I'm not saying it's bad for a 4 year old to be topless, but some people want children to cover up to safeguard them and it's not fair to then accuse them of sexualising children themselves.

I also think most little girls I know have no issues getting in and out of swimming costumes so that might be something specific to your daughter, possibly a sensory issue especially if she generally prefers to take off her clothes.

Blues321 is the username of the other post. I can’t seem to send a link, it was made on 16th July

I don’t this is a hill you need to die on OP.
I understand leisure clubs having policies, they’re probably wanting to make all members as comfortable & safe as they are your DD.
Obvioys solution is to buy your DD a one-piece costume, 4 year olds don’t need bikinis, with or without the top.

I think your approach with the staff member was a tad OTT, she’s surely just conveying the club rules?

The two pieces that aren't bikini tips are long sleeved rash vests or t-shirt style rash vests. Which was perfect for the sun protection needed on holiday when OP bought them, but is not appropriate for an indoor pool. Sadly a lot of parents are unaware that rash vests indoors without a lining or neoprene do not help keep kids warm but the opposite and make them feel the cold, as the cold wet sleeves cling to the body. Ok in a warm hotel pool but larger leisure centre pools are usually cooler.

You have to be joking surely. What is objectionable about that?

Jesus.

This is a good point - if your dd is 4 now, she is starting Reception next week? If her school does swimming lessons, the girls will be in one-piece swimsuits and will have to change in and out themselves.

It's not much harder than pulling on a pair of trousers. Start practising at home now.

You are absolutely correct OP, but I have to admit I was surprised the first time I saw toddler girls with bottoms and no tops, but I very quickly considered that it was totally acceptable and should be the norm in the UK, but very sadly it isn't. Fashion shops that are big or originated in different European companies like H&M definitely sell bottoms only as the norm for children's swimwear, just like they sell the tight fit ones that are standard abroad for boys. I noticed this after I noticed not having tops for girls was more common abroad. But it definitely is unusual in the UK I've noticed it only very occasionally, which makes challenging this staff member tricky, but hopefully they have a sensible manager you can complain to. Just because something is culturally normal doesn't make it right.

If you go to a swimming pool you have to follow its rules (assuming that they lie within the law), including the dress code, however much you dislike them.

Difficult because you are entirely right and I didn't start wearing tops until about 7, 8 or 9... But times change and we're all much more aware of cameras, perverts, the internet... I just think better to be on the safe side.

You're choosing the lesser of two - it's not 'that' big of a deal to have a two-piece but you'd be mortified if some perv snapped your daughter 'topless' for their private collection and/or shared the pics online.

I dunno. Do what feels right for you - I don't agree with the staff member's interpretation of their policy. Your daughter was appropriately dressed.

It’s usually quite obvious if a child is a boy or girl by 2 years old - OP’s dd is 4. I’ve always put my dd in a one piece swimming costume (I don’t think children should be in bikinis as those are for teens/adults).

Hmmm this is a bit of an odd thread. A British mother who didn’t know that little girls in the uk commonly wear a swimming costume that covers their top? Had you never been to a pool with children before now? It’s hard work getting two kids into costumes? Hmmm

I agree with you OP. It reminds me of an incident with my DD who was 6. She was proudly wanting to put her swimsuit on herself for her swimming lesson. I wasn’t looking properly as helping other DD and went upstairs to the viewing gallery. Then there was a bit of an anxious flurry of activity around her and it was gestured for me to come down. She had put her swimsuit on back to front. I was happy to help her put it on the right way but the swimming teacher was worried and was saying her nipples are exposed and we need to be concerned about her modesty and it all seemed to be urgent and that I had put her in danger. It’s a swimming session for kids with parents watching upstairs and she had only just turned 6, I didn’t think it was such a bad thing and the way they were reacting made her more worried that she had got things wrong. ☹️

She might not need them OP but swim suits with short sleeves are good if they need to wear the foam arm disks for lessons. They stop them rubbing.

One piece swimsuits are the norm, I’ve never seen little girls in bikinis at the local pool, very few adults women wear bikinis actually, I do (heavy duty one with high waisted pants, my preference) and our pool has a sign up saying no thong style swimwear

I don't like seeing little girls in bikinis they look far too grown up, gives me Jonbenet Ramsey vibes.

As someone with experience, yes, I think a predator will be more excited by a girl who, unusually, has no top on, versus a girl in a wetsuit. I think it's an incredibly unfortunate reality, but a reality nonetheless.

Do you really think that a sexual predator will lose interest simply because a child is wearing a bikini top? Doubt it makes much difference to that sort of person.

Depressingly there are some people who will find children a sexual turn on no matter what they are wearing.

I do agree with covering groin area - not least for hygiene reasons - but beyond that I think that we have to balance the comfort of the child against the (thankfully fairly small) risk of someone watching.

If this is such a problem with lifeguards, surely they would have an equal problem trying to work out whether every child with long hair is a boy or girl?

Totally agree. I do! Mine wear wetsuits.

But it's highly likely that such people will also enjoy seeing boys with their bodies exposed. On this argument, logically we should keep children in clothes with long sleeves and long trousers all day.