AIBU to question a pool asking my four-year-old daughter to cover up?

Rash vest is a horrible phrase, makes me feel itchy. I'm sure ten years ago we just called them swimming tops.

I don't think a swim top for a 4-year-old is necessary at all, and I would also have pushed back at the insinuation. It's just cultural conditioning.

I use school age as a cut off because if her friends see her at the beach/pool she might be teased about 'showing her boobies'.
Yes it starts young!!

Eta mine was called a boy at tue pool today, wearing blue swim.shorts & rash vest 🙄

What is the difference between a pre pubescent girl’s nipples and a boy’s?

Once a child doesn’t want to be topless, fair enough but making a 4 year old girl cover up her top half if she’s happy is ridiculous.

I’m with you op. It’s ridiculous to have to cover a small child’s top half if she’s a girl, but not a boy. Apart from their genitals they’re the same, and to insist on covering a tiny girl’s nipples IS implying sexual
objectification.
I’m very surprised that do many of you object. Are all your little girls in pink frills and be-ribboned hairbands, wearing kiddy lipgloss?

A bit off topic, but since when has 4yo been a toddler? Surely a toddler is 1-3 years old, and a 4yo is a pre-schooler??

4 year olds aren’t toddlers, they’re at full time school most of them.

Would you take her photo with only her underwear on and share it on social media? It’s the same thing, you don’t know everyone in that pool. Don’t give them any fuel

@ChampagneLassie I haven't seen girls in bikinis in the local swimming pool- one piece seem to be the norm. But if they are far away from puberty like your daughter I don't understand why it should matter if she's just wearing a bottom.

I think before a child is school age then just pants are fine.
Once school age put a one piece on girls or pants & rash vest. No bikinis needed.

My pre-pubescent junior school kids have spent the summer in just pants in the garden..no problem here with that as long as they are happy

I know it’s not the point of the thread but I would love to just wear bottoms when swimming. I’m envious of men just putting on a pair of trunks. I hate having to keep adjusting the straps or the uncomfortable feeling of the strap around my neck when swimming.
If it was sociable acceptable I would definitely just wear bottoms.

Personally I would use a swimming costume at an indoor pool.

YABU for having a go at the member of staff who has probably witnessed several weirdos hanging around the pool staring at the kids but the staff can't do anything about it. Take my word for that as one my family members has worked in a leisure centre for nearly 40 years and its horrifying what happens on a regular basis with weirdo Grandads watching swimming lessons and men hanging around the changing rooms etc.

You should be able to find a tankini top which will give the toileting advantages of separate top and pants whilst looking less bikini like. Buy in a size bigger than she needs for ease of putting it on / taking it off.

@Octavia64
You missed my point. I wasn’t suggesting girls under 8 be prohibited from wearing a top, but that over 8 they must.

If a 6 or 7 year old girl was developing breast growth a parent would naturally choose to have her wear a top and to explain why: societal norms are that breasts are covered in public.
Under the age of 8 they could also choose to put them in a one piece, from day one, or age 4 etc.

As it stands now, a parent HAS to put a top on a pre pubescent female but not on a male child same age.

A few people commented on my comment, so here is my reasoning.

I remember being at a garden party with a paddling pool and school parents and kids. My friend's little girl (aged about 6) had only swimming bottoms on. She jumped in the paddling pool and had her chest covered with her hands. I felt she was slightly self-conscious to have no top on.

It might be that a boy would feel the same way, but I doubt it.

Generally, I think it is best for kids to be as covered up as they thenselves want to be.

But it's also difficult to know at what point a girl may feel she needs a top on. A four year old is not a baby or toddler, or even (most likely) a preschooler. They are a school age child.

If that is their policy, clearly stated, applied consistently and drawn to your attention when signing up as a member, then fair enough.

I personally think she should be covered. Maybe not a view you agree with but she's nearly school age so no longer a baby.
It's the norm in UK and that should be respected. You also have no idea who is in the pool with you and it's for her own modesty. I'd also have my son covered too for the exact same reasons! He's always worn a rash vest and id not consider him not - same reasons as a girl.
I don't think you handled it well tbh. Seems very confrontational. No need to accuse her of sexualising her, just feels like you were wanting an argument rather than an explanation.

I remember it being fairly normal for preschoolers of either sex to just wear bottoms on the beach/swimming pool when I was a child in the 80s.

With genitalia covered there really isn’t much difference between the bodies of a girl and boy at 4 years old - how did they even know she was a girl?

I think we should be normalising this for little girls tbh, they don’t need bikini tops.
In a lot of European countries small children just wear bottoms (or go naked on the beach!)

I just bought one piece swimming costumes for my daughter. I don't think you're necessarily wrong, but it was also not much different to a bottoms and top set.

See what the policy says, but a rash vest is also fine and mine often wore them if they were at a family session with floats or they got float-burn on their tummies and we knew about that all afterwards alright 😳😳😳

I would have been tempted to say ‘he’s a boy actually’. Not much comeback to that!

It's not a universal policy, when my DD was around 7 she managed to tear her swimsuit. The Nuffield gym shop only had boy trunks and told me that was totally fine for a 7yo girl. They looked at me slightly oddly for asking.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/amibeingunreasonable/5555136-aibu-to-think-a-toddler-should-not-need-to-cover-their-top-at-a-swimming-pool?reply=153618127

This was my post. We weren't at a Nuffield but there is one locally. Are you in a town beginning with B?

As kids when we were that age we used to just run around the beach in a pair of nickers. Not a special bathing suit.