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Original poster

AIBU to question a pool asking my four-year-old daughter to cover up?

563 replies

ChampagneLassie · 30/08/2026 20:30

I took my two daughters, aged two and four, swimming at Nuffield Health. My four-year-old was wearing swimming bottoms but no top.
A staff member told me she needed to wear something “more appropriate” — apparently a bikini top or one-piece. I asked why, as a four-year-old boy would presumably be allowed to swim topless.
I said I felt this was sexualising a pre-pubescent child. The staff member replied, “I’m a mother. I’m not sexualising children.”
When I asked about the actual policy, she could only say that children had to wear “appropriate clothing”. I’m planning to contact Nuffield for clarification, but I’m interested in other parents’ views.
AIBU to question this? Would you expect a four-year-old girl to have to cover her chest?
I used AI to help make this post more readable.

OP posts:
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9
thisismeithinkorisit · 01/09/2026 00:04

pollymere · 31/08/2026 22:59

I think you shouldn't wear anything at the pool you potentially wouldn't wear in the street 😂.

I think whilst society copes with men being topless in public (which is often 🤢), they expect females to wear something on top irrespective of age. At four your child is potentially about to start school so I'd expect a one piece swimsuit at a pool. Some pools have a one piece policy anyway. I prefer swimming in a well fitting bikini and there have been pools where I couldn't swim.

kudos to you for wearing your bikini in the street

thisismeithinkorisit · 01/09/2026 00:01

Reisscon · 31/08/2026 21:59

I wouldnt want my daughter not wearing a top. Theres too many weird people around.

would you put your son in a two piece as well?

thisismeithinkorisit · 31/08/2026 23:59

FlipFlopVibe · 31/08/2026 20:20

4 year olds aren’t toddlers, they’re at full time school most of them.

Would you take her photo with only her underwear on and share it on social media? It’s the same thing, you don’t know everyone in that pool. Don’t give them any fuel

well plenty of people wouldn't share any photos in SM of their kids, should that mean they can't leave the house??

Isittimeformynapyet · 31/08/2026 23:58

Kingdomofsleep · 30/08/2026 20:35

How did the staff member know she was a girl? Boys and girls look the same at that age (and the shorts area was covered obviously)

Hi occasionally it's not obvious, but on the whole it's pretty easy to distinguish between little girls and boys.

Bigcat25 · 31/08/2026 23:54

HumberSquid · 31/08/2026 23:38

I hate to burst your bubble but covering her top will not stop any pedophile in the vicinity from fantasising if they are that way inclined.

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But they won't know for sure what that child in question looked like, it would be a guess. I don't need/won't provide that to them. It could also make them stand out to the wrong person. Speculating, but why would I enable a pedo to see a kid naked? So yes, some fabric can provide a certain amount of protection.

GreatFall · 31/08/2026 23:50

user293948849167 · 31/08/2026 18:20

I remember it being fairly normal for preschoolers of either sex to just wear bottoms on the beach/swimming pool when I was a child in the 80s.

With genitalia covered there really isn’t much difference between the bodies of a girl and boy at 4 years old - how did they even know she was a girl?

I think we should be normalising this for little girls tbh, they don’t need bikini tops.
In a lot of European countries small children just wear bottoms (or go naked on the beach!)

Agree. This a very recent phenomenon. Even 20 years ago it was still acceptable for young girls to wear bottoms only, and 10 years before that babies and toddlers of both sexes wore bottoms only as standard. I’m really not sure what’s changed but the idea that is a long held cultural belief is not accurate.

TheBirdintheCave · 31/08/2026 23:46

I don’t see a problem with it. Why should girls be different to boys?

We’ve gone the other way though and both kids, boy and girl, wear swim shorts and rash tops when in the pool. More skin covered equals less time I have to spend reapplying sun cream 😅

RockyKeen · 31/08/2026 23:41

Next time take her in a pair of swim shorts and no one will bat an eye lid because they’ll assume they are a boy . Because there’s no difference other than. Iron between children at that age

HumberSquid · 31/08/2026 23:38

Bigcat25 · 31/08/2026 23:27

You don't give pedos the satisfaction. What's not to get. I don't understand some of the takes on this thread.

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I hate to burst your bubble but covering her top will not stop any pedophile in the vicinity from fantasising if they are that way inclined.

Bedingfield1 · 31/08/2026 23:35

Your Nuffield suggested a bikini? Lucky you!
Mine decided to sexualise me in a two piece, wouldn’t hand them a penny

RockyKeen · 31/08/2026 23:34

At that age a.bottom on a girl is just as appropriate as it is on a little boy .

maggisimpson · 31/08/2026 23:30

4 year old boys and 4 year old girls should be treated the same.

Bigcat25 · 31/08/2026 23:27

HumberSquid · 31/08/2026 22:48

And you think a little strip of fabric across her top is going to protect her? That's pitiful.

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You don't give pedos the satisfaction. What's not to get. I don't understand some of the takes on this thread.

SALaw · 31/08/2026 23:24

ChampagneLassie · 30/08/2026 20:57

I’m really not looking for a reaction. I was upset by the attention at time. I strongly believe we should allow kids to be kids as long as possible. My 4 yr old always wears as little clothes as she can and hated the fafth of the swimsuit. I really didn’t realise this was controversial and I don’t think it should be I guess in posting I was trying to gauge whether my instinct was normal or whether I should just be forcing her into a swimsuit or 2 piece.

Surely just look around the pool at other pre-teen girls and that will show whether it’s normal or not?

SALaw · 31/08/2026 23:17

Evaka · 30/08/2026 20:33

I suppose it's unconventional not to have top covered, but not inappropriate. She's a baby at 4! A lot of my family would have girls in bottoms only on the beach but probably cover their tops in leisure centres. I can't put my finger on the difference though and don't think you're bu.

Surely a 4 year old should be more covered at the beach?! (Boy or girl)

pollymere · 31/08/2026 22:59

I think you shouldn't wear anything at the pool you potentially wouldn't wear in the street 😂.

I think whilst society copes with men being topless in public (which is often 🤢), they expect females to wear something on top irrespective of age. At four your child is potentially about to start school so I'd expect a one piece swimsuit at a pool. Some pools have a one piece policy anyway. I prefer swimming in a well fitting bikini and there have been pools where I couldn't swim.

HumberSquid · 31/08/2026 22:48

Twistedmushroom · 31/08/2026 22:17

Because some humans are wired wrong and we need to protect our kids in public places.

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And you think a little strip of fabric across her top is going to protect her? That's pitiful.

Twistedmushroom · 31/08/2026 22:17

Chagalaga23 · 31/08/2026 22:08

I agree with the op.
Why on earth would you cover non existent breasts with a top?
Either in the pool or in the beach?
Sounds weird to me.
Surprised so many people think it's a normal thing to do

Because some humans are wired wrong and we need to protect our kids in public places.

Twistedmushroom · 31/08/2026 22:16

In my private garden absolutely, in a public pool absolutely no. We don’t know any of the other people in the pool, there are some wrong uns out there and I’d want my daughter protected. I couldn’t care less if she didn’t like a swimming costume, it’s not compulsory to go swimming so no cossie no swim!

Triptomatic · 31/08/2026 22:08

I think boys and girls, men and women should have to cover up top and bottom. That should be the rule - one for all, no differentiation needed.

’bikinis’ for children give me the ick.

Chagalaga23 · 31/08/2026 22:08

I agree with the op.
Why on earth would you cover non existent breasts with a top?
Either in the pool or in the beach?
Sounds weird to me.
Surprised so many people think it's a normal thing to do

HumberSquid · 31/08/2026 22:02

Dithercats · 31/08/2026 20:40

I use school age as a cut off because if her friends see her at the beach/pool she might be teased about 'showing her boobies'.
Yes it starts young!!

Eta mine was called a boy at tue pool today, wearing blue swim.shorts & rash vest 🙄

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And are you rushing out to buy her new swimwear in pink? Or have you told her theyre just being silly?

Reisscon · 31/08/2026 21:59

I wouldnt want my daughter not wearing a top. Theres too many weird people around.

Shelby2010 · 31/08/2026 21:19

I think it’s unusual for one adult to be able to supervise 2 kids that young swimming.

A lot of dress codes aren’t logical, but if your daughter is 4y (in England) she is presumably about to start school & no longer a toddler. I wouldn’t put a small girl in a bikini but a one-piece with Elsa / My Little Pony etc was standard when mine were young. I think it changed once they no longer needed swim nappies & were able to express a choice.

FunnyOrca · 31/08/2026 20:48

One warning I would give OP, is that at our leisure centre something by was recently brought to my attention by another parent making a complaint at the desk.

During children’s swim lessons parts of the pool are closed, so there’s a smaller swimming space. Apparently lots of adult swimmers sit in the sauna if they arrive early for the regular swim session. The sauna faces the pool. This parent was complaining about the way the sauna users were looking at and speaking about the kids. 🤢

Signs have gone up and the layout of the swim lessons has changed. I wouldn’t have known what happened if I hadn’t overheard the complaint at the desk. The staff member might have known something gross and been trying to help?