AIBU to question a pool asking my four-year-old daughter to cover up?

For the first time I wanted it as three years old, because it looked cool and grown up.

After getting in the water in it, I refused to wear bikini top again for years.

You don't take the whole suit off, you pull the gusset over and pee.

Don't like seeing young girls wandering around in just bottoms in a beach/swimming setting. Also dislike them with a bikini top on as that is totally inappropriate!
I have a boy and a girl and both wear tops when swimming. They always have done and are fine with it.
FWIW my DH wears a top when swimming and I'm usually well covered, so they are used to their parents being modestly dressed!

People can think what they want, but it is about sexualisation of young girls. The only reason there is an expectation for a 4 year old to wear a bikini top is that because one day breasts will be there.

She is 4. At that age, boys and girls chests are the same. We're not asking little boys to put bikini tops on.

It may be social convention in the UK, but let's be real, when you think about it, it's just plain old misogyny. It's very normal elsewhere for kids that age to just be in bottoms!

On a side note, I think all children that age should be in appropriately and bright coloured swimming costumes, because it helps if they are drowning!

What would be the purpose of a bikini top for a toddler.
If you want to keep her in bottoms only you could get some boys shorts or something and no one will question it but definitely complain about this woman hassling you when you’ve got enough on your plate and you’re out getting you’re children active. It’s always women and girls being picked on for appearance and appropriateness. I can’t see what the problem is about a topless toddler.

Because it’s inherently unequal. Like schoolgirls not being permitted to wear trousers or have clothes with pockets…and here with a 4 year old is where it begins

Ok, I see I wasn't precise enough for some.

I've never seen a young boy in normal swimming/bathing situation (similar to what the OP describes) wearing an equivalent of the girls one piece swimming costume. Because it is pointless.

Yes, competition athletes use specific performance clothing.
Yes, the sun protection overall exists.
Neither is relevant.

But why ..why are we sexualising 4 year old girls?

I imagine you remember yourself growing up and at what point you felt you wanted to wear a bikini top. For me it was at about the age of 7 and well before puberty. The chances are that most girls will feel the need to cover up (for better or worse) before they have to be policed.

I don't think you're BU. However if you're now uncomfortable with the situation would you consider putting her in board shorts instead? I dislike bikini bottoms for little girls, they're always riding up, get sand in places that you don't want sand, not enough cover for the sun etc. Tried finding swim shorts but most of the girl ones are still like hot pants. Prefer the two piece options as it's easier to go to the loo etc when wet. Then one day I realised DD could wear DS's swim shorts (took me way too long to think of it!) and it's much better for us. Boardshorts and a rashvest in the sun, just the shorts in the pool. Would imagine people are less likely to question gender then as the shorts aren't tight/it's not obvious. Doesn't work in France though where they want everyone wearing the tiniest swimwear possible!

But really small children's nipples shouldn't be causing anyone any offence. Can imagine most kids get to the stage where they're aware of themselves and want to cover up more at which point you follow their lead. But at 4 it shouldn't matter imo.

It's ott, she's a little girl. Just because one day she will have breasts doesn't mean she needs to cover her chest. Ridiculous. She was in pants, that's fine.

I don’t quite get this.

my kids did ballet.

the uniform for my son was black shorts and white t shirt. The uniform for my daughter was pink leotard and pink tights.

is that sexualising children because the uniform is different?

if so, then children are sexualised all the time - at school, at ballet, everywhere.

I was under the impression sexualising children was a bad thing. How can having different kit for different sexes be considered sexualising them?

Sadly I think society has been conditioned to believe that female nipples (of any age) are inappropriate and should be covered at all times.

Just like we’re conditioned to believe that breasts are a “sexual” organ and they are for the male pleasure rather than their primary function of feeding our children.

Except most girls aren’t pre pubescent at 10, I’d say my DD and most of her friends were beginning to develop breast buds at 9, by 10 her body is clearly distinguishable to a boy’s. So while I think op is not wrong, at some stage girls need to know this will be a private part of their body, I suppose the question is where the line is…

Why wouldn’t you just buy a swimming costume? It’s no bother getting them on. Stop trying to get a reaction.

If you are certain you are in the right, why would the interaction need more than a “no, she’s fine thanks”?

I wouldn’t have a topless girl in public. I don’t sexualise girls at all, but I know some pervy twat will. Until she decides she’s ok with that, I’ll be her parent.

Interestingly, another Google has shown me that ads for Coppertone have changed over the years - the most recent one seems to show the model being covered up, whereas the one from '65 has the 3 yr old actress only wearing a bottom.

Girls in one piece swimsuits and boys in shorts is the norm. I have seen instructors at our local pool tell parents this a few times over the years. Wouldn’t occur to me for a little girl not to wear a swimsuit.

It’s a bit unusual but doesn’t seem
worth bothering about. It’s the kind of situation that is stressful if you make it so. It’s private property so up to them. Maybe they have weirdos locally. I personally had bikinis at that age and put my daughters in swimsuits or rush (rash?) tops.

I wouldn’t take a child swimming in basically a pair of briefs if that’s what you did. If you’d put her in swimming shorts I doubt you’d have had a complaint.

The logic fails in that matching nipples in a 4 year old girl or boy are treated differently…the girl is treated differently…she is sexualised.

Somehow her identical nipples must be covered…why?

I can’t help you if you can’t work the website, they are clearly there and easy to find and marked as ‘shop the set’ as I described

what do you think they are looking at, though? a 4 year old doesn't have breasts.

"putting it back on afterwards"? Eh?!

Firstly a 4 year old will pee in the pool, and if you leave for a pee surely you just pull the gusset to one side?!
Tell me I am not the only one who doesnt take their costume off or down for a pee?!

If its not sexualising kids, why is it ok for a boy not to wear a top? The girl is 4, she, just like boys, doesnt have boobs, so what does she need to cover that boys dont?