AIBU to question a pool asking my four-year-old daughter to cover up?

You are joking, right?

I can't think of a persuasive reason why a four year old girl should be required to wear a top and a four year old boy not. But it also sounds like the staff member didn't make that distinction either, so necessary to check what the actual rules are before proceeding with a protest or objection.

Perhaps the solution should be that everyone is expected to wear a top? That saves the venue from setting an arbitrary age where a sex-based policy would be enforced, takes the pressure off staff to try to figure out which children are boys and girls and how old they look in order to apply a sex-based standard, and protects the children against sun exposure.

I think there is a hygiene reason for that

What if the male life guard liked men…should he have to declare he can’t come to the rescue? This is an utterly weird response…digging deep into sexualising a preschooler

Harmful or pointless some expectations may be, I already said I'm ok with the topless part.

Sexualising it is not, and that is what I'm strongly disagreeing with. You can click three dots "see all by Kingdom". I've already said my dd sometimes went topless. What i think is outrageous is the op casting awful aspersions on the staff member and even others on this thread

I wish super high cut one piece costumes with thong type bum straps were banned in my local pool. I’d prefer not to swim behind that.

Probably because it has to be done fairly soon so may as well get them used to it young.
I'm another in the camp that thinks bikini tops look silly on prepubescent girls so it was either a swimsuit or just bottoms for my girls and in a swimming pool as opposed to a beach a swimsuit would be more appropriate.

Yeah that's absurd. I don't even know how the staff member knew what sex your child was? I mean they could've been in pink with bows in their long hair and wearing earrings but that doesn't even mean the kid is definitely female in this day and age.

For @DNLove :
Previous research has shown that more than 8,200 women in England and Wales could have survived a heart attack if they had been given the same treatment as men, according to an analysis of data from between 2003 and 2013

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2024/oct/16/uk-women-who-suffer-cardiac-arrest-in-public-less-likely-to-get-cpr-study-finds?CMP=Share_AndroidApp_Other

Wow, really? Do you really think this will be my first thought when a lifeguard is performing a life-saving intervention on my child? Have a word with yourself.

Fun fact, women are less likely to receive bystander CPR than men. Do you know why? Because of the fear of touching breasts. So sure, let's now make everyone believe that a chest of a 4-year-old is also on par with the chest of adult female. See how it pans out in terms of life-saving interventions they are likely (or not likely) to receive.

Because I always thought it was a sexual type of clothing, to hide a woman's hair?

Edit
What is another type of modesty? (Apart from not being boastful)

see i think that basing what girls and boys should do and how they should behave on social expectations IS harmful.

You are going to be horrified when you learn what paramedics (some of whom are male 😱) might have to do if you ever need CPR or a defibrillator 🤦‍♀️

It’s usual for boys of 8 and over to be required to change in the men’s section. Perhaps it would be equitable to use that age as the cut off point at which girls were required to cover up?

Did you know that women are far more likely to die from a sudden heart attack than men are? And that that is because people are much more reluctant to do CPR on women because it means compressing their chests?

And no, if a lifeguard had to rescue my child who wasn't wearing a swimming top, I wouldn't care how they got them to safety.

Because look at what it is prioritising …looks for girls, more restriction, less freedom for girls… less ability to run jump and climb in a dress at PRIMARY school.

The idea that physical jobs are not for girls, bold jobs are not for girls (communicated through their restrictive clothing) …looks must be prioritised for girls (and paid extra for) this road leads to less for girls and women by sexualising them. Women are treated less seriously because of all this unequal nonsense

This is some imagination you have. Am pretty sure any male life guard would be thanked if they were saving a young girls life and am pretty sure that a flat chested toddlers body wouldn't be first in their mind when trying to help a child in trouble in the water.

When we get to the stage that people who rescue others are then accused of inappropriate touching then society is doomed.

The attendant asked you to put your child in conventional clothing in order to follow policy (which is designed to suit the majority) in a public place.

Pretty reasonable policy and I think you should have followed it. If you wanted a debate about sexualisation of children take it up directly with Nuffield Health not the attendant.

I think it’s fine to be without a top at the beach but a suit in the leisure centre is appropriate much in the same way I’d expect to see topless sunbathing on the beach but not at the local Rec. Will you insist on a top at 5, 6, 7, 13? At what point do you flip the ‘inappropriate’ switch?

Huh?

The age at which girls start puberty isn't fixed, therefore having a rule like "girls over 7 need tops covered" wouldn't work as some girls start puberty before 7. Therefore a swimming pool is perfectly reasonable to say "all girls need tops covered". On a beach, out and about etc if a parent decides their child doesn't need a top on, that's up to the parent (and the child). But a pool has rules which if you don't like, you don't have to go to.

As long as it would have been fine for you to send your son to ballet in pink leotard and tights, and your daughter in black shorts and a white t-shirt if they so chose, there is no problem here at all. The problem lies with the enforcing of those uniforms to conform to society’s stereotypical expectation of what boys and girls should wear.

The OP’s point is that pre-pubescent boys and girls have identical chests, therefore there should be no requirement for them to dress differently in the swimming pool. However, because society is still bound by old-fashioned notions of what’s “appropriate” for girls, the OP’s daughter has to cover up her non-existent nipples even though the boys don’t - it’s important to make sure she is aware from the start that her chest area is somehow shameful and immodest. What is that if not sexualisation? As we can see by the responses on this thread, these notions aren’t going anywhere very quickly!

can you get skin cancer from an indoor pool?

OP is not making a point. Her child is more comfortable wearing just bottoms so why would you make a point of teaching a child that her comfort doesn't matter because others may find her body offensive?

Having spent a significant amount of time wearing uniforms that were designed by men and were supposed to be unisex, the male trousers simply do not fit many women (the women have hips) and uniform shirts cut for men you often have to go up several sizes to accommodate boobs in which case you have loads of shirt left below the boobs which you then have to tuck in and which isn’t great.

i do think that men and women genuinely are significantly different shapes, and I don’t see how accepting that and asking for comfortable clothing that accepts that a woman is not shaped like a man is a bad thing.

I fucking rejoiced when they introduced women’s cut trousers in my uniform!

This approach leads to a total nonsense, like the mum a few weeks ago, who was asked whether her 18 months old toddler is a girl (based on name or something like that) and than asked to cover the year and half old's chest!

Is there a real issue with girls with developing breast being topless in swimming pools that needs rules/intervention?
If it is just a precaution, setting the cut off age at something like eight or even six would make more sense than say "every female, no matter of age".