AIBU to question a pool asking my four-year-old daughter to cover up?

Ridiculous.

Once they move from the toddler stage, a swimsuit is more appropriate.
There is so many men out there who are attracted by children. I personally wouldn’t want to draw their attention, it’s a sad world we live in, right now there are 1000’s of children being shipped out to men every day.
It is not the children’s fault nor a women but we have to protect ourselves as it is an epidemic.

It’s not about you or the staff member sexualising your child. It’s more about another pool user doing so, and that can’t be controlled. It could apply to boys too.

Many things can be true at the same time. You can cover them up and be protective, you can not cover them up and be protective. Bad people will be bad people regardless. Personally don’t want strangers to see my child’s body if I can help it, I cant particularly see why you would. If you post photos on SM and don’t have any controls then you stupid, that’s a truth.

Who knows? It just is, me personally would just take a top or a cosy and just get on with it, I can't see a problem, it's making a problem objecting, there's an abundance of stress around in other things, so I think just enjoy the time with this little girl, why bring in any stress,? And maybe there's a good reason for this, who's to say without actually asking the management, but you could just get a nice cosy, cozzee? My daughter had one with frilly bits on the side in mermaid colours, she loved it, and it was cheap, Primark! ☺️🙏

Bit much to imply anyone not doing the same is not protecting their child. And millions of people post their kids on SM with no controls on who can see.

The pp I was replying to said she would put her son in swim shorts at some point anyway, so you’re presumably suggesting she’ll be somehow failing to protect him.

Why is it their policy though, I think that is the deeper question?

It's not sexualising, it's just there policy, I don't see why it's so difficult, if you said to your dd she can only swim with a top on I don't think she would say no would she, I can't see why this is such a big deal.

When they move out lol! Or when they develop a voice and social understandings and awareness. Until then we are our child’s voice and protection. Most people don’t like the idea of strangers viewing their children’s skin. Same like posting on Social media. I doubt most people would take photos of their girls in pants and put it on SM for indiscriminate viewing.

At what age will you no longer cover your son’s chest?

To add to this
just for another perspective of mine I won’t be putting my daughter in a bikini it will either be a swimsuit or wetsuit. I don’t think bikinis or two pieces are appropriate so I’d never find just pants appropriate

I am currently pregnant with a boy. He will be put in wet suits until he’s older and then he can go into swim shorts.

for the poster to say that a full on swim costume sexualises a child like are we on planet earth? My 4 year old is flat and nothing bumps or lumps when she wears one it covers her comfortably like I said before. A swimming costume isn’t there to sexualise it’s there to cover up and just be suitable for a child where as I don’t believe just pants are it’s laziness in my opinion

Obviously not something you do everyday, but honestly, you're in public wearing clothes. Some clothing is considered more appropriate depending on location. You'd probably not be let into a pub or restaurant wearing just a bikini and it would be bloomin' freezing in my local Sainsbury's but if you're coming off the beach to buy an ice cream or go to the toilet on a hot day, I'd definitely stay just wearing a bikini 😂 ... And I'd have no problem taking a preschooler to do the same wearing a swimsuit or bikini.

So do/would you cover your son's chest in a swimming pool too? If you're questioning why someone wouldn't want to cover their child's chest "regardless"?

They are saying that yes, and I’m saying they are unfortunately wrong about that. Do you believe that women who dress a certain way are more likely to be raped?

The clothing makes no difference. Some people are attracted to swimwear or underwear just as much as to nakedness. If nakedness was the issue we’d have boy children covered up too. It’s not as if boys aren’t at risk from sexual predators.

If you want to dress your girl children in a bikini or a rash vest or a hijab because you think it’s achieving something, knock yourself out. I’m just telling you it’s making zero difference either way to the chances of your child being preyed upon. Kidding yourself it is might make you sloppy about the real risks, which are nothing to do with clothing.

I think you will find most people are saying that children are safer covered up, boys and girls…and by safer I think they mean less on show. It’s a sad world where we have to feel this way absolutely, but the world is like this unfortunately no matter how much we agree that children are just children. I’m a hippy at heart, my youngest is mostly naked at home. They are taught at school where is safe to touch and not by the pantosaurous, they are taught by the space certain clothes occupy, etc. So many women are assaulted by men in their youth. It’s a sad world.

The audacity of complaining about someone else’s reading comprehension…

Please tell me how it is any ‘worse’ for a child to be looked at inappropriately when wearing a top compared to not wearing a top? To the sexual deviant the top makes no difference at all.

(I know this because of many years working with convicted of sexual offences against children, but by all means you carry on in your mindless ignorance).

In this case no, but my point wasn’t about this particular child but the frankly bizarre idea that girl children are safer with a top on.

I have a boy and I've honestly never taken him swimming in something that was just like a little pair of pants and so I know I wouldn't for a daughter either. Always gone for wetsuit type things when my son was little then long trunks instead of speedo type swimmers. Rash vests for the beach.

I do see op's point though that there's no difference between little girls and boys chests at that age.

It’s not for the child though it’s because the adult finds it’s too hard to dress the children, because they are too tired, old, hungry etc. Majority of people dress their girls fully in the pool so it’s not a massive thing and not that
controversial or difficult. OP can make a stand and make a complaint if she feels that strongly but it’s hardly a massive issue in the grand scheme of things. So you don’t feel you should, that’s life isn’t it, we all do things we don’t feel we should at times.

Another one that can't read.

"Not that they wouldn't anyway but this just makes it worse."

Yes, make your child even more of a target by allowing them to run around topless, let alone in a swimsuit.

Nobody was pretending a bikini or swimsuit keeps them safe. It's just that even those with the most basic common sense understand that if a paedophile is looking at your child, they'd rather their child be clothed than topless.

But thanks for going off about something that I had already clarified, that you were sadly unable to read and comprehend.

I don’t take my boy or my girl swimming with no top. They both have shorts and a rash vest. It’s not for any particular reason but I don’t let the boy go around topless- it’s just how I feel. I don’t think you did anything wrong. All children are more covered at pools and on the beach that we were when we were little though.

My DDs always just wore bikini bottoms until about 6/7. I’m half European and it’s the norm, as you say they are the same as boys chests at that age. My youngest once wore her brothers trunks as he was refusing to get in for his lesson so she took his place at about 3 years old!

but then surely boys should have to cover up too?

It's not a risk of contact but unfortunately it does allow any possibly pedo to see what she looks like topless, which they will probably be happy about. And if they have recording glasses or similar it's even worse.

I don't think wearing a rash guard or suit impacts their innocence.