Do most married couples really pool all money, or keep some separate?

I lent DH some money to pay off a graduate loan and he repaid by putting more money in to the only joint account we have ever had, our wedding expenses account. It exists to this day almost 30 years on with £100 in. Whoever outlives the other is to withdraw it and buy dinner and toast the deceased.

We have separate money, it is simpler now but we did have a very complicated set up but I would say it’s an enjoyable hobby, We invest and used to do some quite high risk investing. We both started before we got together. We had one incident where DH had a shocking outcome so after that we agreed to chat about any big risks, he did recoup but took a while.

At one point I had 3 banks and building societies with various movements of my regular income moving about, what I called my money merry go round, to get perks it was when Santander had their 123 account paying better interest than any High St savings account at 3% on balances over a decade ago. We have zero loyalty to any bank or building society. I remember as a teenager swapping banks because another bank had a better deal when I was 17. Many people stay with the same bank all their lives and it’s often a mistake.

I would never remarry and risk my money, I’m always head over heart though.

One of those topics DW and I discuss frequently, we have one joint account, only separate accounts we have are isa savings, been that way all our married lives it’s just our money, just don’t understand the separate accounts route, but each to their own.

Long term marriage so pooled accounts for living costs and accessible savings. All money coming in goes to the joint current account. Savings accounts in individual names to take advantage of ISAs etc. but money in them is joint. Current accounts in own names as we have always had these. Individual savings accounts with inherited money.
Even when I was SAHM we had joint account and I didn’t need to ask for permission to buy myself things. I would obviously not have spent in a way which put us in debt, I would not have made major purchases without discussing it first. What counts as major has risen over the years.

We have separate accounts, and transfer the same amount each month into a joint account for bills, holidays and house expenses. We both have our own savings accounts too.

The idea of pooling all my money with someone else makes me feel so uncomfortable, almost panicky. The idea of having access to all of someone else's money makes me feel the same. It just goes against all my instincts regarding financial independence and freedom.

It has nothing to do with love or a healthy relationship imo. I love DH very much and we have one of those annoying relationships where we never argue. Whatever it is you have to feel to pool all your money with someone else, I am certain I'll never feel it.

We pooled all of our together when we bought a house. I dont see the point of being together, especially when children are involved, to have separate pots of money. I usually think of financial abuse when I hear they keep everything separate, even though I know thats probably not always the case.

We have never pooled our money. We have been married for 36 years.

He wouldn’t be able to sell without their permission though

We each have our own bank account, but the treat all money as ‘ours’.

DH earns substantially more than me, so all regular bills come out of his account. But I do all the family admin so tend to have high monthly outgoings - this includes booking family holidays, most shopping, organising DC driving lessons, etc.

I have access to his online banking so can transfer funds to my account when necessary, though we discuss large transfers first to ensure there isn’t a shortfall in his account.

I don’t ‘feel’ anything, apart from that it works for our circumstances.

Been married for 34 years (last week).
All our money goes into one joint account. Credit card account is also shared. We've had very uneven earnings throughout our marriage - couldn't be arsed to work out a 'fair' distribution, it's much easier just to regard all money as household income and share everything.
I recognise that other married couples operate differently - but this is the method that works for us.

I wonder if sometimes it makes a difference with age? DH and I met at 32 & 36, we had been paying our own mortgages, bills etc for years before we met. When we moved in, the easiest solution seemed to be to set up an account for bills and transfer in from our salaries. We’ve just carried on like that since marrying and having kids and never thought about it too deeply. My share goes into the joint acc by direct debit, I don’t even think about it. The money I have left in my bank is mine to spend & I don’t have to consider if there are any bills still to come out or unexpected expenses. I have 2 debit cards, one for any family or household spends, one for me.

I didn't answer the poll because I don't really agree with one particular stance in all circumstances. DH and I are married and share everything. I'm currently a SAHM, I've worked part time, full time, he's taken time out to do a masters and all money has always been ours. We do have personal accounts for discretionary spending but we both get the same amount every month and it comes from the joint account. Lots of our savings and investments are in my name because we've got a financial advisor and he said it's more tax efficient that way but, fundamentally, we're married anyway, if we split those assets wouldn't be mine, they'd be divided between us.

Having said that, we have 2 (soon to be 3) kids who are both of ours. If DH and I ever split and I remarried I'd feel differently because I'd be looking to protect my own savings, income, equity etc in order to protect my kids. I wouldn't be chucking everything in one pot and trusting someone who isn't their parent to always have their best interests at heart.

I don't think there's a right or wrong way to do it, but it's pretty messed up when a couple live together, build a life together and one is significantly worse off than the other. Pay a percentage according to salary, split the bills so you've both got the same amount left over, share everything. Whatever people want to do is fine as long as it doesn't leave one partner (usually the woman) scrabbling to pay for her kids swimming lessons while the other has a collection of Rolexs and a Lotus (yes that's an actual couple I know).

Separate money doesn’t have to mean keeping a ledger of who has paid what! We are quite capable of having a rough idea of whose turn it is to pay for a meal, or tickets, or whatever, and also treating the other when we want to. But separate money means when I want to go to Paris with friends for the weekend, it’s my money and my business.

My situation is almost identical to yours op, second marriage, kids on my side, none on his.

We have our own accounts that we are paid into and a joing account that we both pay a set amount into for bills. I am the higher earner so I pay in more.

I pay separately from my personal account for all child related costs and if the food shop goes over the budgeted amount I transfer extra across to make up the difference.

I don’t think either way is better than the other, each to their own. But just to say that we have joint accounts and if I want to go to Paris with friends for a weekend then that’s what I do, no issues. Same with DH.

We have almost everything joint. No shared DC, have been together since my youngest was 11 and his 2. All expenses from shared pot, all income into shared pot. Exceptions are premium bonds and a small pension drawdown. Our income is around 70/30 with him the higher earner, was around 60/40 at first.

He's terminally ill and it all goes to me, anyway.

We have a joint account for joint expenses. And the rest of our money is in our own personal accounts.

I could not be doing with pooled money and one account. No way. I’ve always been financially independent. I’m booking a weekend away next month and I have a horse I like to buy things for and I have hobbies I pay for. I am absolutely not checking with Dh that it’s okay for me to book a solo holiday or spend £600 on my horse. I have my own money and I can do what I want with it without asking anyone’s permission or thinking about anyone else’s needs.

joint money indeed requires that people have similar attitudes - if one is working hard on saving money and the other one just grabs those savings and goes buys a sportscar because why not, obviously it doesn't work.

We have joint money but we don't ask permission if we want to spend it. Neither of us would go crazy though. Even with separate money - if family needs something, I can't imagine saying sod it, this is my money pot, I will buy earrings instead of fixing the roof.

It really depends on the household income. I know in this house there isn’t much left over, we both pool money together, keep a little for separate spends. I wouldn’t have 50% of the household expenses.
If we were both earning decent money and there was a fair amount left over, we’d split the difference.

I do find 50/50 married couples transactional, when one is chasing the other, or splitting the cost of a child’s ice cream.

He's terminally ill and it all goes to me, anyway.
That’s sad, I hope he is not in a lot of pain.

What about his child? Is his child not entitled to some of his assets?

We pool everything and have quite similar spending habits. I’m the higher earner (3 x him) but it used to be the other way around.

Neither option. We pay a percentage of our earnings into a joint account, so we have the same disposable income and then we spend that as we please and do our own savings, we also have a joint savings account where we take money from the joint account we didn’t spend and put it in there.

Not always, and not a second marriage thing. My husband and I are first marriage with shared property and children, yet our financial set-up is very similar to OP. I value my independence - even after 20 years of marriage.

We have a joint account we both contribute to, and which a lot of the big regular bills (mortgage, car finance, groceries) come out of. As the higher earner I pay in an amount to cover mortgage, car, broadband, electricity and most of the groceries, clothing, etc, then DP pays in to contribute to groceries etc. I also cover smaller or more irregular bills (insurances, TV licence, DC opticians bills, subscriptions) from my own account.

It is so interesting to see the varied answers - no size fits all, and no right or wrong way.

I should have clarified that with DH and I, everything is shared and I think partly the success of this working for us, is having identical values regarding money.

We have never had to discuss money or spending; never had a cross word about finances.