Do most married couples really pool all money, or keep some separate?

Married 19 years together 23, we each have our own account that salaries are paid into and then a joint account for bills that we pay proportionally into. We moved in together when we'd been dating less than a year and this what what we agreed then. It works so we've never needed to change the arrangement.

We don't have any joint accounts but this is also the reason why we split the mortgage, nursery fees etc 50/50 as opposed to proportionally as I'm the higher earner and DH could earn more if he wanted to but doesn't want the extra stress or responsibility.

I think it makes a big difference if you are a blended family with conflicting obligations. For couples with no children or only shared children, pooling money is simpler.

100% pooled. I cannot understand these posts I see about "my" money and "his" money and the endless disputes about who pays for what. You are married. You have/are a family. You live together. Insanity!

There seems to be far less tit for tat problems with those who pool versus those who keep score like roommates.

Married 20 years with children, both our first marriages and still keep finances separate, and don't even pool finance for the bills, we each pay for different things relating to household bills, kids etc, never really worked it out to know if fair, but if one us is flush we might pay the bulk of big costs like a new car, holiday, home repairs etc. We both like our financial independence so works for us.

Our money is all pooled. We have individual ISAs and pensions because that’s the law. But we still consider them jointly “our” money. Eg: my parents gave me some money. It was sensible to put it into a ISA. But my ISA was full for that year, so we put it into DH’s ISA instead. The idea of “lending” my DH 30k doesn’t make sense to me, because all our money is joint. I can’t “lend” him his own money, and nor can he pay me back for what is ours. Your situation is more complex because you’ve been married before and have DC.

Married, no children. I earn more than my husband. We have a joint account for the mortgage and household expenses as well as a small amount of joint savings for holidays, etc. We both have separate savings and ISAs.
I put a little more into the joint account, but not proportionally to our incomes. I have a much more stressful job, longer hours, management responsibilities, etc., and we both agree that I’ve earned the right to keep more of my income. We’re both happy with this arrangement. Of course, if there was an emergency my money would be his money too.

We have no joint account but I would describe our finances as completely shared. We each pay some bills. The one who earns more pays the mortgage but we don’t keep track and transfer money between us freely to cover bigger expenses or if the lower earner is running low. Whatever is left over goes into whoever has free isa space or off our shared mortgage. We have shared financial goals.

We discuss bigger spends but are free to spend spare income as we please. Neither of us are frivolous. House in joint names. Will share any inheritance. To me this is what marriage means. We are a team. In everything.

We had ‘the pot’ and now we’re in difficulty I wish I could go back in time and have separate accounts, separate savings etc. I was a sahm for years so probably wouldn’t have helped me anyway

A joint account for bills and joint expenses, and a personal one for personal expenditure.

Well clearly it helps some people.

I thought joint tenants meant that if one of you dies, the survivor automatically receives the deceased's 50% ownership. You cannot give it away in a will - even to your children?

All our funds go into one pot then we are allocated the same amount of personal money which goes to our own accounts. Everything else, kids (we have no joint children), house, pets, savings, clothes etc comes out of the joint account. I earn about 1/2 what DH makes.

According to this, the vast majority of married couples have a hybrid approach to finances. Some joint, and some individual. This is true for my husband and I.

12% have entirely joint finances.

www.tsb.co.uk/news-releases/were-not-so-romantic-when-it-comes-to-money.html

I have a bit of a theory…

1st marriage (especially if you didn’t already have your own separate homes) - all pooled. You buy a home together and you have children together and you are responsible for both. You also may have less spare cash to begin with so having money in one place makes it easier to budget and decide what is worth spending on.

2nd marriage - have already had to live a life as an adult with all of your own bills and costs, may have had children already, or new partner may have them. When you start out on a life together it is less ‘fresh’ because you already have the house and commitments, and so you start off by maybe pooling some for bills and keeping the rest apart, then it either gradually moves towards pooling all or it stays where it is.

This won’t be the exact way everyone does it, but I would expect that the first marriage people, especially who have not had a previous spouse that may or may not have screwed up with money or left them struggling alone, would be more in the pooling group.

I am in the first group because we got pregnant and then moved in together a little earlier than had been planned. I was at uni so my husband brought in more money for the first year, but I needed the money to keep the house while on maternity leave, before we both worked full time and continued to pool. It means we both have the same lifestyle regardless of earnings (tbf we do earn the same) and we don’t have to worry about who has paid what bill etc.

Now, 19 years after moving in together, we do still say ‘I’m going to get…’ when it’s a larger purchase, but it’s more out of courtesy than needing permission. But if I were in a 2nd marriage, after having to survive on my own, I suspect I would be a lot more reluctant to do this because why would I risk sharing again after having to take time to unpick shared lives in a divorce. Hopefully I don’t ever get to find out if that is what I would be like

Aren't all money joint from the legal perspective? So having "your own" wouldn't necessarily protect you if things went badly.

From daily perspective, I don't understand people paying 50:50 in case od uneven incomes and find it disgusting when the uneven income is around maternity/part time to take care of sharwd children.

I find three sets of accounts - joint and personal each the best setup. That way both have access to shared money, payments and savings, but each has their discetionary spending options as well.

We don't pool anything.

Met in our 40s
He moved into my house
No mortgage
All bills come from my account and he sends me money to cover his share
No kids
We buy big purchases between us.
We've never felt the need to pool our money
Works for us

Everything we own, we own jointly but we have made arrangements for whatever my parents gave me by way of early inheritance to stay with my and our DC in the event of divorce. That’s my choice out of respect for my parents’ efforts, DH might do the same if he gets a pre-inheritance.

I can’t imagine the dynamic in a couple where finances are kept separate. To me, marriage means you’re all in our you’re not. I mean, I have a very strong identity and full life outside of being a wife and a mother, I don’t NEED DH for anything (although I’d be devastated to not have him!). But if I didn’t think I could trust him with my money I don’t think I could trust him to make the best decisions for our DC if I’m not there, or my health if I’m incapable. It would be like having a bag packed and ready by the door throughout an entire marriage.

Also, things change over the course of a marriage. In my case I was far and away the biggest earner at the outset, DH barely registered on the spreadsheet. Now, I earn nothing and he’s already overtaken my earnings at the outset. Neither of us knew this would be the case, life just turned out this way. Where would we be now if we’d kept separate finances from the outset? We’d both, separately and jointly, be significantly worse off financially and in every other respect. Hardly a partnership if each of us was always making preparations to be no worse off if we separated!

My guess is it varies according to age and stage. You probably get a different picture just asking married couples who had kids and/or substantial assets than you would if confined only to those who met really young and only have what they've acquired together.

The people I know are generally in the latter category and afaik the commonest model is one pot but both partners keeping their own bank account account too.

Gen X. Everyone I know who is married has joint finances. Salary paid into joint bank account. All DDs come out of that.

We’re exactly the same as you, OP, except we don’t have kids.

We have a joint account that all bills, mortgage and food shopping comes out of. That also covers if we get a takeaway, go out to eat etc. We also have a joint savings account that is for anything needed for the house or vet bills etc.

Apart from that, our finances are completely separate. Our house is split down the middle. Our pensions will go to each other when one dies. I’m on his life insurance policy (I don’t have one). I also have a death in service policy. My husband gets a third, my mum and sister get a third each.

We pay for our own holidays 50/50.

I earn more, but he has more savings than me. We have very different spending styles. I’m an impulsive YOLO kind of person. He will deliberate for weeks over buying a pair of trainers. Pooling all our wages would probably end in divorce.

The thought of having completely joint finances scares me. I’ve always been financially independent. If the worst were to happen, and we decided to split, we’d sell the house, split the profit and he’d keep what he has and I’d keep what I have. I have a better pension, he has more savings so we’d both be happy not to go for anything the other has. Nice and easy that way.

We pool everything and it’s seen us through without any problems, including redundancy for him, career breaks for me but we share the same views on money and only have our own children, and didn’t have family help either with any expenses like house deposits. We’ve never had a single argument about money.

In other circumstances I wouldn’t. I don’t think there’s a right or wrong way.

Everything is pooled. Late 30s, first marriage for both, joint kids. We obviously have ISAs, pensions, investments in single names but we consider everything to be joint.

What are you talking about? We don't ever lend each other money. It's joint money. Every penny that comes into the household is ours. It's all JOINT money. All the income is pooled. If I need money/to buy anything, I use the joint account. Same with him. He needs something, the pooled money is there. No-one is lending anyone anything in OUR marriage.

A married couple borrowing and lending money off each other is batshit IMO.

Weirdly transactional, and cold. IMO.

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