AIBU to say my mum cannot choose carers by gender?

It’s sex, not gender.

And yes, she absolutely should be able to demand female only care.

Male carers have been found to commit sexual abuse in some cases, and she’s very vulnerable.

You mean sex not gender, but of course she can request just females visiting her in her own home. Why on earth have you not spoken to the care company to ensure they are aware of this? I feel uncomfortable when I have a workman in my house and I'm in alone, if I was in my 80's and having people come in several times a day I'd absolutely request females only even if they were just making me food.

You need to advocate for her better, you are doing an appalling job if you can't manage to fulfil this very reasonable request.

My MIL wanted female, and don’t shoot me, she was 87, v v hard of hearing, asked for English only, as she couldn’t understand a lot of them, and lip read, no problem at all, wasn’t judged.
be kinder about it, she’s 80, different generation

My sister recently flatly refused to ask for female carers for my Mum. She hated being washed and dressed by men, I felt so sorry for her. There really isn't any choice or dignity when you get older. I am dreading it,

But, as you know, men are responsible for nearly all rape, sexual assault and violent crime. And the old lady doesn't want a strange man touching her intimately. So that's that.

She can certainly choose the sex of her carer. Their "gender" doesn't actually matter. But certainly if she doesn't want a member of the sex which is responsible for nearly all violent and criminal offences, she's quite within her rights.

How odd that you would try to force an elderly woman to let a man touch her intimately.

WTAF?!?! It’s perfectly reasonable to want female only care.

I requested male carers due to childhood trauma. I don't feel comfortable with intimate care from women as a result, and was told I was only allowed to have same sex carers. So I doubt it will be an issue anyway.

Which type of stranger commits most violent or sexual crime?

Of course she should be able to have women carers. It's not about their skill.

She absolutely can request same sex carers. I think YABU.

She absolutely can.

Mum is in her 80s and disabled now. The furst time a male carer arrived he asked if it was okay to change her and she said yes even though she was hesitant. Now she has 2 regular male carers, they are very obviously gay and joke around a lot and my mother loves them dearly! However, if she told me she didn't want male carers i would have put it in her records. You can ask for anyone to be removed from your service at any time whatever gender they are.

Actually, she is entitled to ask for female only care, particularly for personal care. This should have been discussed as part of her care needs assessment.

Female carers would also be a stranger.

Of course she can choose!
My male relative has male carers as is his choice.

She will need intimate care. She can have a female for that.

She has the right to choose the gender of her carers and rightly so. When I was sorting out my mothers care package they specifically asked if she wanted all female carers.

But why were you so against it or so passive?

You realise you’re supposed to be advocating for your mum not making her life more vulnerable?

So I work in a care in the community coordinator role - and we are stuck with legislation with this. Every day I must receive at least 5 calls from clients/family members requesting female only care - however our local authority (council) that we are governed by, advise us to tell the client that we can’t discriminate based on gender - and if we can’t supply a female carer (which is sadly quite often due to other clients time restraints, staff absence/holidays etc, and the fact there are more males working within the sector) - that the client either accepts the male carer or doesn’t receive care at all.

It’s extremely hard as I know, for example, my family members would not like a male carer for personal care etc, however were told it’s basically a like it or lump it situation.

But, I believe LA’s can give the option to clients to go private with another company who can possibly provide female only care.

EDITED TO ADD - I am in Scotland so things are possibly different up here.

If it were my mother, I’d be making sure she only had female carers. Privact, dignity and respect - your mother has a right to those.

I don't think it's unreasonable to ask for female carers. I'm not in the care profession but I have customers who will only work with female agents.

I’m really surprised to read this, I can’t imagine anyone insisting an 80 year old lady has a male carer.

I would move heaven and earth to ensure my mother got a female carer if she wanted one. I can’t imagine it’s that hard as the vast majority of carers are female.

Your poor mother. Hopefully she can find someone else to advocate on her behalf because you are failing her.

The OP posted yesterday at 16:35 that the company has agreed to provide only women to care from her mother

You can certainly ask but there is no guarantee that it will be provided based on staff availability.