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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you think your school (whether teacher or parent) genuinely has a zero tolerance approach to bullying?

31 replies

Zaforcap · 30/08/2026 13:47

Does it match their zero tolerance approach to minor uniform violations (e.g. removing blazer to walk home on a hot day or a child having socks on the knee rather than above the knee). Do children feel more empowered to bully compared to say wearing a bit of mascara? AIBU to consider this when choosing a school?

OP posts:
Original poster
Zaforcap · 30/08/2026 15:06

I am fortunate to live in a borough with mainly good schools. Realistically there is only one we are in the catchment for, possibly two, depending on the demographic of next year’s intake. The one he is most likely to get into seems very militant on minor things though. It’s a large academy which has swallowed a few schools over the years. Most schools seem to have more students than places, but a few have a number of vacant places.

The open days are coming up shortly and I’ve had the opportunity to speak to some parents and children at the schools over the summer. One parent plans to send their daughter there even though the older one there has been bullied a lot, so horses for courses. A friend’s teen seemed happy enough there, but has chosen to go to a less henpecked (she used a different phrase which I can’t remember) environment for A levels. Another parent said uniform is the hill the school will die on and said that the school has flouted the new uniform guidance. We can afford uniform, so it won’t impact us directly, but does hint at school’s priorities.

I know most, if not all, schools will have bullying and have seen some horrible things posted on here over the years. Some schools seem more motivated than others to tackle it though. He will be coming from a school that has uniform, but with a bit of flexibility e.g. if a child is hot, they just take their jumper off, if a child is more comfortable in trainers, they wear trainers. Bullying is rare and is clamped down on at first opportunity. I accept things are obviously different at primary though.

OP posts:
RartyPings · 30/08/2026 15:00

We were put off a primary on open day partly because of the heavy focus on their bullying policy in the welcome talk.
The Head of the best secondary in the area said bullying was simply not tolerated in the school.
A friend’s DC who went there was picked on every day of the induction week and bullied throughout most of his time at the school.

cannibalfish · 30/08/2026 13:56

My school doesn’t have these draconian uniform rules and takes bullying very seriously. I wouldn’t work at a school that cared more about a bit of mascara than bullying.

As a teacher I am very lax about things that are technically against the school rules like eating in class, having facial piercings, checking their phone at break etc within reason. I take bullying, exclusion, disruption and other negative behaviour very seriously though.

There are only a couple of teachers in my school that get in a twist about the minor stuff, most are really focused on the overall wellbeing of the students.

Edit: wrong word, no sleep!

Buscobel · 30/08/2026 13:54

I think you have an agenda, the subtext of which would be that you’re annoyed about punishment for infringement of the rules, but you don’t feel bullying is dealt with.

People select a school preference for many reasons. Primarily, I imagine, because they want a good, all round eduction for their child. Pastoral care is important for many parents, as is opportunities for sport, drama, music and extra curricular activities.

Schools have anti bullying policies, but the interpretation of those depends on how someone is affected by them. When considering a school, it’s wise to consider everything that the school offers, including their policy and responses.

ClawsandEffect · 30/08/2026 13:50

No school is ever totally on top of bullying. I tutor brothers who go to one of the most elite UK schools. Massive presence on the global stage, educationally. Youngest child is being bullied. Only the threat of his big bro holds them off. The school is very ineffective.

AppleKatie · 30/08/2026 13:49

You sounds quite unhappy and worried. I don’t think you can quantify this stuff as a parent before application.