To say firmly and definitively I won’t miss it

I’m in my 13th year of parenting now and have found it all very challenging tbh. I’ve got quite a big age gap as well which makes it hard because you’re going back over old ground whilst also struggling with new ground! It does become less physically demanding from about 7 ish. I’m not really sure what I would do with my time now if I wasn’t shopping, running play dates, packing snack bags, doing uniforms and washing. It’s so oppressive and exhausting but then I have no outside interests so…Dh and I go on occasional nights away and I actually don’t know what to do with myself or how to be.

Of course YANBU to think you won’t miss it. Although, you don’t know what joys await you in the teenage years that might make you actually miss it! Haha. Sorry, that probably doesn’t help.

Anyway, I’m interested in this post - did you only read this one book? (This isn’t me judging, I didn’t read any parenting books!) I’m wondering if maybe you read this book and had high hopes, and then when their approach didn’t work you didn’t know what to do?

I asked other parents and used the advice given: you will go crazy trying to figure out how to solve certain problems/behaviours and you’ll try everything and some things will work and some won’t and when you do find something that works, your kids grow up anyway into a new phase. So, for me, I’ve always looked at all sorts of articles, advice from others in my circle - obviously mumsnet too! And you just get by one day at a time, especially in those earliest years.

I didn’t expect it to be easy. I think my DM was a lot like you, so I always expected to find parenting monumentally hard. If you want something to make you feel good about however you think you’re fucking your kids up, maybe take some saving grace from the fact they might find parenting easier than they expect thanks to you :)

I agree with this a bit. I have one and enjoy it, though didn’t like the newborn phase and definitely have questioned if i’m it cut out for parenting in the early years. I was on the fence about kids until i met DH. Everyone I know kept telling me to have another, but they all have support, mums/big friendship groups on tap. One friend was almost never alone either her two, and always either had her partner, sister, or best friends over at the house and on days out. I didn’t have any of those and have spent many a hard, long, day out with DD ( as i felt bad just staying in and ‘wasting’ a day) completely on my own when DH was working, navigating everything as a new mum on my own. I know it’s what i signed up for and we don’t have guarantees or should expect help, but it makes things seem so much easier when it’s there.

I can only speak from my perspective but I rolled through the baby years, not loving it but accepting it. The primary school years are where things were fun
We could do more things with ghe kids that we enjoy eg hiking, climbing, mountain biking, skiing, back packing for holidays etc.
The teen years were fabulous. It was great watching them compete in their chosen sports, have their first relationships.

I think the difference is i have a partner who pulled his weight , gave me plenty of free time and backed me up with the discipline so we sent out a constant and continuous message about our expectations with behaviour.
Having little ones is exhausting,theres no foubt about it and your feelings are valid.
Its easy for people to look back with rose tinted glasses and say you'll miss it. I dont miss the toddler stage at all! I do miss the teens though, they were good ( there were a few hiccups when ds1 was a bit of a dickhead but we got through it! 😆)

Same, I love them and of course now I wouldn't wish them away but it's not really for me either and I won't miss it when they fly the nest.

We went to a pub with a nice play area. It also was right next to a river and a low fence. Cue stopping my autistic son making a bee line for the river. Luckily we have reins! I also hate it at the minute.

It didn't let me quote the post but they said they hoped OP wasn't showing her kids that she hated and regretted her kids.

Pre-schoolers are difficult. The Toddler stage was my worst with the first and then he became my perfect funny son and school took him away from me which is why I had a second. I knew I would not have coped with DS1 as a toddler and a new baby, so I waited.
You are definitely at the hardest stage. It really will get better as they become more able to communicate and get a little more independent, I promise.

Oh gosh. I feel like I want to come over and help you.

Why did you have another one, after the first?

I find the toddler years hard too. My youngest is three and while I adore her, it is challenging at times. I just tell myself 'this too shall pass'. I don't think I'll miss this time too much.

I loved the baby stage till about 5. My eldest was then a complete NIGHTMARE till 21. Middle was fine from about 12 and my son has actually always been easy. I like having a bit more time to myself now their teens/an adult. I wouldn't say I miss the younger years though now I've done them.

You could be suffering from postpartum depression symptoms often persist for a year, and some studies show they can stretch for multiple years.

Make an appointment with your GP saying you are stressed out Say you need blood tests as you could lacking in ferritin.

Take care of yourself

I loved the baby stages so much that I chose to foster babies from a week old .I had two in nappies one a tiny baby and a 4 year old plus a dog . My husband had to be away from home a couple of days at a time but I never once felt it was too much . I was not superwoman but it was just my nature . I find it sad that anyone did not enjoy these days .

@NotSmallButFunSize My neighbors had a baby earlier this year and both DH and I coo over him and love a quick cuddle. But having heard him crying at 3am, that's quite enough for us! 😂

I would go back in an instant to hold them as babies or cuddle them as toddlers - but literally just a 10 min trip!

Prefer now they are older a million times more - we all get space to do our own thing but also enjoy their company and chatting to them etc. Teens have been a breeze compared to the absolute overwhelming experience of small children and babies.

I absolutely would not at all have been able to cope with two, so full credit to you for doing it, even if you do hate it.

But on the plus side, older teens are mostly ok. And eventually they’re good buddies and company for you. Just have to then hope they don’t bring grandkids to you too quickly.

But for now, just keep on ploughing through, school is back soon, and if they aren’t old enough for it yet, they soon will be

Well, this is it. Nobody can ever know how easy or hard they'll find being a parent until they are one - and then if you hate it, you're pretty fucked as it's not like you can re-home them or send them to the pound...

I really wanted kids when I was in my twenties and now, at 37, I am eternally grateful I never went through with it.

Mine are currently 9 and 12 and as they grow and become more independent I feel nostalgic about those early years.

I find them more draining and exhausting now than I ever did when they were younger.

Life is more real now…..its all carting them about to school, taking them to their sports events, having their mates over for sleepovers, sitting with them and doing homework, nagging at them to tidy up after themselves, buying school uniform, serious talks about serious subjects….

It’s a million miles away from when we’d just be in a happy bubble in the park, talking nonsense, laughing, feeding ducks, going home to get the toys out, playing with Lego and painting pictures, fun bath times and reading bedtime stories etc.

Parenting older children is a vastly different experience to the younger years and some parents have a preference for one age stage, some parents love all stages and but some parents hate all the stages.

Are our experiences based on who we are as people and what we find enjoyable and what we can tolerate? Or do the characters of our children shape how much we enjoy parenting? Maybe some people are just more natural parents than others? Who knows. It’s a complete rabbit hole we could all get lost in if we dared enter it!!!!

You aren't alone though OP!

Vent away!

When people said stupid stuff like that to me (especially in that condescending tone they use) my response was to say ‘oh, I won’t’ in their exact tone.

People really get judgy with you when they find out you don’t absolutely love motherhood, or when you only have one (I was told I was selfish). I can’t imagine the grief the child free get. People shouldn’t be so quick to dismiss others opinions and feelings just because they aren’t exactly what they feel

@toomanytakeawaysthissummer You're in the trenches if they're preschool age. 5 was the magic age for mine, especially DS who was fussy before. He was much easier to communicate with and became interested in things that we were interested in too.

”Women” don’t have any idea what being a parent is like until they become one. It is simply impossible to imagine, and I had my kids before anyone ever said things like this on social media. I remember thinking “how come almost every woman did this and no one ever told me how hard it would be?”

Do you think that our parents think that way about us @Grumpyoldcat ? I bet they don't (hope not anyway!)

My experience has been the opposite, it gets better.

Oh god, this was the worst age. Hang in there, it does get better.

Also, have you figured out a way to get your kids to do as you say? The thing that makes parenting so hard now is that quiet obedience - the whole objective of bringing up children in previous generations - is no longer the goal. But maybe it needs to become your goal and the kids need to
learn to do as they are told. Running round shouting was never acceptable when we were growing up.