AIBU to set firmer boundaries with an overly familiar neighbour?

At this point, being accused of sleeping with a married neighbour, I would stop all pretence at politeness and tell her to get lost and block her on everything.

Hi all,
I’m not too sure where to post this. I’m looking for some advice as to handle an issue with my neighbour.

For context, I’m 36, a single mother to two active boys, aged 10 and 13. We have very settled home life; I work 45 hours a week and our weekends are often filled with days out, activities and kickboxing. We’ve got a lovely, steady peaceful life that I’ve worked hard to create.

Personally, when my boys are with their dad and I have free time, I like to do things with friends, catch up at home and relax with a film, candles lit and a good book, a little trip out often alone, or off to my local yoga class. Life is full in a way I have created. I love my life and am grateful for it, as life with my ex was turbulent.

My issue has become a bit tricky to escape, and I’m losing ideas of how to back away politely. There’s a young couple who have moved in about 5 doors down from me, they live in the end house and so I have to pass their house to go out. The girl is 24 with a 3 year old and a 10 month old. The eldest is quite often in the garden until late at night, say 9:30-10pm, and I’ve heard them arguing frequently since they moved in about 5 months ago.

I’m always polite as I go by, sometimes I’m in the car and she’ll stand there waving with the toddler, other times I walk by and she comes out to speak. Other times I’ll use the bus into town and she’ll chat, all very polite. The issue is, there’s a cafe that I use in our village and the staff have been telling me how they’ve been encouraging her to make friends with me, as some of the people in our area can be a little rude and unfriendly. They’ve told her to give me a knock if she ever feels lonely, and to add me on social media. I only have instagram and wondered how she’d found me.

It’s to the point now, she has started stopping me whenever I go past, keeps me talking for ages no matter how politely I try to remove myself, she messages me every day on Instagram, and keeps hinting for my phone number. She stopped me a couple of days ago and was saying how she wanted a night out with her partner but had nobody to babysit the children, as her mum doesn’t live locally or really help out and her in-laws were on holiday. I said what a shame it was and hoped she found someone, luckily my eldest son had seen me and rang my mobile, saying he needed me to come home.

Over the weekends she messages me, often while I’m out with a friend, or if I’m out with my kids. I politely say I’m busy but she just keeps messaging. She messaged me yesterday saying how she will have to come around one night for a takeaway and a bottle of wine, I don’t actually drink much so I wouldn’t do that anyway. I also enjoy having my home to myself, my children and my few close friends.

As I said, I’ve worked hard to create this peace, have a busy life day-to-day, and don’t wish to invite random people into my home. It seems to me she thinks I must be a lonely woman, who has no friends or anything else to do with life. She doesn’t seem to get that actually, life is actually busy for us and quite full. The last couple of times I’ve spoken with her, she’s encouraged her toddler to call me ‘aunty’, and seems to just let him run off to the point I’ve grabbed him myself a couple of times.

Last weekend myself and my boys had been camping, she was messaging me so I apologised and said I was trying to keep my battery. On arriving home around 10pm the following night, she was messaging me within 7 minutes of getting home, to ask if we’d had fun. She must be watching to see when my lights come on. She sees me coming home from a 9 hour work day, and is then messaging me about her day, or what’s happening with her children, or when she’s had a row with her parents. I just feel so overwhelmed and trapped by it all.

I sat at home last night with my lights off and curtains closed tight, sleeping in my sons room at the back of my house, as I knew she’d be hinting to come around if she knew I was home alone. It sounds ridiculous but I have to see her everyday and don’t want to fall out, but also don’t want her to live in my pocket. I don’t respond straight away, always make it politely clear I’m out so don’t wish to be on my phone, or if I’m home I will politely message a little bit then say I’ve got something to do.

I do get she is obviously lonely, but it seems unfair that she has the expectation of me to be her soundboard everyday, or be inviting herself round to my home. Even in work, she’ll start messaging and I’ve told her repeatedly I can’t use my phone during working hours. It seems to be getting to the point I’m going to upset her and that’s the last thing I want to do, but she is not getting the polite message any other way. How else can I make it politely clear that I don’t wish to babysit, or have her in my home, as she is now hinting almost every other day.

That comment about autism alone would have me blocking and ignoring her.

@Francestein I’ve not been there for a couple of weeks since she’s ramped things up. I was actually really annoyed when they gave her my social media details. I don’t even have my full name, as I like to avoid work patients finding me. I’ve actually got a very serious and professional job, so really like to keep my home life balanced away from demanding people.

Hi all,
I’m not too sure where to post this. I’m looking for some advice as to handle an issue with my neighbour.

For context, I’m 36, a single mother to two active boys, aged 10 and 13. We have very settled home life; I work 45 hours a week and our weekends are often filled with days out, activities and kickboxing. We’ve got a lovely, steady peaceful life that I’ve worked hard to create.

Personally, when my boys are with their dad and I have free time, I like to do things with friends, catch up at home and relax with a film, candles lit and a good book, a little trip out often alone, or off to my local yoga class. Life is full in a way I have created. I love my life and am grateful for it, as life with my ex was turbulent.

My issue has become a bit tricky to escape, and I’m losing ideas of how to back away politely. There’s a young couple who have moved in about 5 doors down from me, they live in the end house and so I have to pass their house to go out. The girl is 24 with a 3 year old and a 10 month old. The eldest is quite often in the garden until late at night, say 9:30-10pm, and I’ve heard them arguing frequently since they moved in about 5 months ago.

I’m always polite as I go by, sometimes I’m in the car and she’ll stand there waving with the toddler, other times I walk by and she comes out to speak. Other times I’ll use the bus into town and she’ll chat, all very polite. The issue is, there’s a cafe that I use in our village and the staff have been telling me how they’ve been encouraging her to make friends with me, as some of the people in our area can be a little rude and unfriendly. They’ve told her to give me a knock if she ever feels lonely, and to add me on social media. I only have instagram and wondered how she’d found me.

It’s to the point now, she has started stopping me whenever I go past, keeps me talking for ages no matter how politely I try to remove myself, she messages me every day on Instagram, and keeps hinting for my phone number. She stopped me a couple of days ago and was saying how she wanted a night out with her partner but had nobody to babysit the children, as her mum doesn’t live locally or really help out and her in-laws were on holiday. I said what a shame it was and hoped she found someone, luckily my eldest son had seen me and rang my mobile, saying he needed me to come home.

Over the weekends she messages me, often while I’m out with a friend, or if I’m out with my kids. I politely say I’m busy but she just keeps messaging. She messaged me yesterday saying how she will have to come around one night for a takeaway and a bottle of wine, I don’t actually drink much so I wouldn’t do that anyway. I also enjoy having my home to myself, my children and my few close friends.

As I said, I’ve worked hard to create this peace, have a busy life day-to-day, and don’t wish to invite random people into my home. It seems to me she thinks I must be a lonely woman, who has no friends or anything else to do with life. She doesn’t seem to get that actually, life is actually busy for us and quite full. The last couple of times I’ve spoken with her, she’s encouraged her toddler to call me ‘aunty’, and seems to just let him run off to the point I’ve grabbed him myself a couple of times.

Last weekend myself and my boys had been camping, she was messaging me so I apologised and said I was trying to keep my battery. On arriving home around 10pm the following night, she was messaging me within 7 minutes of getting home, to ask if we’d had fun. She must be watching to see when my lights come on. She sees me coming home from a 9 hour work day, and is then messaging me about her day, or what’s happening with her children, or when she’s had a row with her parents. I just feel so overwhelmed and trapped by it all.

I sat at home last night with my lights off and curtains closed tight, sleeping in my sons room at the back of my house, as I knew she’d be hinting to come around if she knew I was home alone. It sounds ridiculous but I have to see her everyday and don’t want to fall out, but also don’t want her to live in my pocket. I don’t respond straight away, always make it politely clear I’m out so don’t wish to be on my phone, or if I’m home I will politely message a little bit then say I’ve got something to do.

I do get she is obviously lonely, but it seems unfair that she has the expectation of me to be her soundboard everyday, or be inviting herself round to my home. Even in work, she’ll start messaging and I’ve told her repeatedly I can’t use my phone during working hours. It seems to be getting to the point I’m going to upset her and that’s the last thing I want to do, but she is not getting the polite message any other way. How else can I make it politely clear that I don’t wish to babysit, or have her in my home, as she is now hinting almost every other day.

What the actual fuck. I would of immediately told her to never speak to me again as her lack of empathy is disgusting. Actually op just block her number, ignore her in the street if she comes running to you "look Susan you've said some rather nasty things to me. We are not going to be friends leave me alone." She deserves it.

YANBU
But she clearly needs a social circle. Maybe you could send her links to toddler clubs? With a 3 year old and 10 month old she could go to the usual baby and toddler clubs, at the library / church halls, rhyme time, tumbletots, etc.

@ThirdStorm I was actually on Rightmove last night haha!

@ItsmeMargo She’s actually more like the group I try to avoid. People who need outside validation and unable to self regulate. She started slagging off the old man who lives across the road from us, he’s 81 and bothers nobody. He’s one of the few I speak to.

@QueenCamillaMW It is starting to do a bit of a number on my head in honesty. I’m a person who just enjoys time to herself, I think with a busy life and perimenopause, I don’t have the energy for this. No matter how polite but brief I try to be, she will not take the hint.

@SparkyBlue @Citronella321 I did tell her that I was offended by that remark and she laughed saying it was a joke. More of a backtrack I think. She then went on to ask about my sex life, my response was if I’m not having it with you it’s probably none of your business. She was taken back a bit, but still messaged the next day, and the day after when I just sent a thumbs up and hadn’t actually responded to her questions in the message.

@StressedOutPeanut yes her response was, “oh level one autism isn’t real autism is it?”

I’ve only got a masters degree in mental health, along with a level 4 diploma in working within neurodivergence, what would I know. She clearly knows more than the psychologist as well.