Age appropriate chores

We don’t pay for chores. They are part of the home and everyone pitches in. We don’t want to teach our kids that you only need to do something if there’s something in it for you.

This, 100%

We don’t pay for chores. They are part of the home and everyone pitches in. We don’t want to teach our kids that you only need to do something if there’s something in it for you.
We also have a rule that there isn’t only one person running around doing everything- everyone helps.

My dc is 10yo and makes his bed and tidies room, loads the washing machine, unpacks dishwasher daily. I fold laundry and he packs his away and his little sisters.

every night while dh and I tidy kitchen and other areas, the kids tidy up the living room , toy areas and their rooms. In 15 min, with everyone pitching things move very quickly.
It’s just become normal for them to do a chore. But you need to start young and set good examples for them.

Mine are 11 and 13. On a daily basis the main chore is the washing up - we don't have a dishwasher! Also general tidying / cleaning up after themselves - washing in laundry basket, shoes on shoe rack, towels and dressing gowns hung up after use - that kind of stuff. They help with clearing the airers and sorting the washing as and when.

Weekly they hoover (whole house), change the bedding (4 beds, I do help with the superking), clean the bathroom (I do the toliet which is separate) and on a more ad hoc basis they run errands (IE: drop library books back, pick up bits at the supermarket, go to the post office). Eldest is about to have a crash course in ironing!

Cooking is also something I really want / need to work on teaching them. They make their own breakfasts and lunches at weekends but term time I tend to do it for speed / space in kitchen etc.

I have a younger DC too but they have SEN so they help with paring socks, keeping toys tidy, managing their own school stuff etc. Small things that encourage independence.

I was quoting the OP.

My 8 and 7 year old make their beds , not perfectly but they do it all the same. Tidy their room , I clean it. Empty their bedroom bin each week. And they pick up their garden toys after use and put away in garage most evenings.
They get £5 week each for that plus if they want something they are saving for they ask for other jobs . Which can be get washing off the line or small easy jobs. Eldest also walks a relatives dog with them to earn money.

And what do you do if they decide they aren't that bothered about the money so won't do the job? When they think they should have a raise? When they want paying or every job you ask them to do?

I wanted to link it to their spends because I want them to value actually doing stuff to earn their spends rather than just be given their spends for doing nothing.

Intrinsic motivation is incredibly important. We don’t get paid to do housework - we do it because we want to live in a nice, tidy house and we’re a family, so we all contribute.

Basically keep their rooms clean and tidy. They are not too young for doing washing, hanging it out to dry, loading and unloading dishwasher. Dusting.

Do a weekly/daily chore chart when all boxes are ticked they get their pocket money

One last thing- everything in our house has a place and inside the cupboards everything is neatly labelled. So it's always been easy for them to put away their own clothes. I would at first fold and separate and then they would put it away. Now they can fold it on their own.

The same thing was true of books and toys. They know where things to go and so tidy up is relatively quick.

We have a rule that 'no one sits down if one person is still doing chores', and doing it all together really makes things quick. We do have a cleaner once a week but daily chores take a total of 20 mins with everyone chipping in.
This is the cadence of how we do things on most days

Morning DH makes breakfast and unloads the dishwasher. Kids eat, put food away, I am downstairs by then and tidy up and feed the cat.
Whoever is working from home runs the laundry and dries it. Also feeds the cat. If no one was home, then we usually run an early morning washing load and we dry it in the evening.
Post school I make dinner while they do homework, then I do the downstairs clean up, DH puts away the laundry, kids tidy their rooms, and put out stuff for the next day. I run the dishwasher and wipe down the counters.

No money for chores here. Kids are 15 and 10. They have been doing chores since they were toddlers (adjusted for age and ability).
What they do right now

• Tidy up their rooms daily, make their beds, help me change sheets once a week.
• They are expected to set out their uniform every evening, school bag, water bottle. When they walk in, they have to put everything away.
• They load and unload the dishwasher when I ask them.
• Older one helps with the recyling (on weekends) and can hoover for me when I need to.
• They bring the laundry down when I ask them to, and over the weekend they can run the laundry (I do a load a day), dry it and put away their own clothes.
• In the holidays, they usually make their own breakfast and put it away. Older one makes lunch a couple of times a week when I am working- a simple pizza with fruit, or pesto/pasta.

So term time, it's just keeping their rooms cleaning, and bringing their laundry down, and taking care of their uniform. DH is responsible for the dishwasher and the bins. He's also responsible for the garden and makes breakfast and supervises the morning shift as it were.
I'm around post school and I'm responsible for dinner and tidying up after dinner. Usually while I'm doing the downstairs, DH will put away laundry with the boys' help and they'll organise their uniforms and bags and tidy up their rooms before bath and bed.

On weekends they load/unload the dishwasher if needed, put away laundry, do the recycling, and might help with hoovering.

In the holidays they do all of the above, but also make their own breakfast and simple lunches if needed.

Like others have said, you've made it much more difficult for yourself by introducing this as a thing, about 10 years later than would have been sensible, but obviously YANBU that they should be contributing to the smooth running of the household they live in.

I wouldn't tie it to pocket money though, I always expected my dc to contribute because they live here.

My boys are 7 and nearly 11.

Weekly they have to tidy their room
Bring clothes to the washer to be washed
Put away their clean clothes
Eldest hoovers
Their toys are their responsibility to be picked up. I might remind them but I never tidy them
They have to clean the toilet if they leave it a mess. They will be called to rectify e.g. not flushing, wee on seat or skid marks.

They aren't paid for this as it's just part of life. They will do additional jobs as and when often for a small reward especially if tedious e.g. collecting all the windfall apples.

I'm guessing the people who clicked unreasonable are doing so because they can't believe you haven't had them doing chores before?
Getting them involved from preschool, in an appropriate way, is good for them. One day they'll either live alone, or with a partner/room mate, and if they're used to being a prince or princess, that won't go well.
It is completely up to you what method you choose. Many parents give basic minimum chores (sorting washing into piles/hanging up, wiping surfaces in room etc) and extra money for extra chores like emptying and cleaning bins.

If your children are old enough to talk, then they are old enough to do chores. (Actually they've been old enough for some time).

I wouldn't tie it to money though.

So there are two types of chores
-things you do as you go along such as tidy up the lounge if you leave it in a mess, take your used cutlery crockers to the dishwasher/sink etc

-"weekly" jobs such as hoovering, cleaning the bathroom, cleaning the kitchen etc.

The first type you'll have to work hard to instill since you've left it so late, but basically remind them every single time.

The second type, I would simply allocate jobs. We used to have time on a Sunday morning where everyone did jobs, but you could also say "I expect you to do x; it needs to be done before you go to bed on Sunday" so you are not enforcing a time the job is done.

Yes, they will moan at first. But they live in this house (I wouldn't link it to money; these are basic expecations of living there) and if they want to get "nice things" whether that's lifts or trips out, or extras that aren't part of the basics you would provide anyway as their parent, then they need to pull their weight.

They should have had chores to do from about age 6 - you've left it very late.

I wouldn't link it to their pocket money either - they have to contribute because it's their home and that's life.

Absolutely you work for money as an adult . Just not for keeping your own environment clean and tidy. That comes on top of the work you do for money. More’s the pity.

Then why are they waiting? If they're old enough to say they can't wait to do chores, they're old enough to be helping?

OP I can hear the frazzledness in your post - the last 12 years must have been exhausting especially being a single mum. 💐 It sounds like you really are doing more or less everything to keep the show on the road.

Our boys are 12, 10 and 10. There are three main blocks of responsibilities in our house that they deal with.

1. Catcare - remove ordure from the trays several times a day and take to the bin. Feed cats. Brush cats every now and again.
2. Dishwasher & dishes - clear table after meals, wipe down table •properly• with hot cloth and spray. Load and unload dishwasher.
3. Bins. Empty food bin, general waste bin, plastic / tin bin, paper bin, cardboard bin as needed and remove loose glass.

One of these three is allocated to each boy and it rotates each month. They know that 1, 2 or 3 is solely their responsibility for that month, so this stops them saying, ‘But I did the cat tray LAST time’. (They know the reply would be ‘It’s your time for a whole month matey, get cracking’)

They don’t get paid for doing it - both DH and I feel so strongly about this. We’ve always got an eye in the future and are trying to raise good MEN. What happens when they’re older and maybe living with a girlfriend or boyfriend? Nobody is going to be paying them to look after their own environment. This idea that there has to be some financial reward for simply playing your part in keeping the home running is anathema to me.

Five of us live in the house and running it includes tasks that we need to shoulder collectively, in the interests of fairness and generally being a fully-functioning member of society. If you want to live in a nice environment, you need to contribute to creating that nice environment.

Which brings me to my next point - we want the boys to develop a sense of responsibility, so they are not called chores here, but responsibilities. The character development aspect of it means they are being encouraged to think more widely than just being consumers.

Agree with posters that have said it is going to be a challenge starting a proper tasking arrangement now with your kids, OP. Our boys have been expected to pitch in and help since age 3, and they are aware resistance is futile. But it’s not impossible to get to a better place with it all.

I reckon fully 60% of parenting is saying the same thing over and over again. So in your position I would be reiterating what they need to do, and if they complain, the reason behind it - I’m not here to be your friend, I’m here to raise you to being a decent adult, so get on with X please. And if you meet absolute refusal, you outline the consequences - there will be no telly / WiFi / whatever until such time as these responsibilities are met.

I should add that this isn’t a perfect system and often feels like pushing a boulder up a hill. Our boys DO need reminding - they aren’t oppressed robots - we don’t abandon them to these tasks and will help them on occasion.

For context, DH and I work 5 days and 6 days a week respectively and do all the other stuff around the house, in case it sounds like we are kicking back peeling grapes for each other while our exploited babies toil 😏

So you don’t value the importance of intrinsic motivation?

At this age we would all do chores for 20 or 30 minutes at the same time. They had a choice, vacuum or dust. One did down stairs, the other did up stairs. I would clean the bathroom.

Most rooms were than tidy with all all mucking in together. Then sit down with a coffee and a biscuit to chill

In addition they made their bed every day, put dirty clothes in wash basket and put clean clothes away. I would help the younger one They would set the dinner table, clear away, load and unload the dishwasher. Again I would help the younger one.

By year 9 DC were doing DofE at school and for their 'skill' would cook dinner once a week for all of us. That might I would set table and do.the dishwasher.

It learning independence for them and then pulling their weight when we work full.time too and spend spare time driving them to clubs.