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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset DH will take time off for ex & not us.

86 replies

Farmwifefarmlife · 30/08/2026 10:55

DH has a SC from a previous relationship a teenager. All summer hols I’ve done the childcare for our 3 young DC & juggled work ect I’ve asked him a couple of times to have the odd day off to come out with us or to have a couple of days off so I can work, all have been met with a no he can’t afford to. He’s Self Employed, our weekend to have SC & she’s announced her moms said she needs to stay till Tuesday. This is a regular occurrence with her not pre asking if we can do extra childcare ect I’ve said no sorry I can’t be the free childcare this time ( first time I’ve ever said no!) & suddenly DH can have two days off too look after her!

I'm feeling pretty upset over it all , our relationship has been tense lately and I feel very much bottom of DH list & this has just topped it off to be honest. But I’m unsure if IABU?

OP posts:
Gurgletummy · 30/08/2026 11:14

Op for years you have been complaining about your husband and unhappy marriage. Years. Another thread is not going to achieve anything.

Original poster
Farmwifefarmlife · 30/08/2026 11:13

BalakayAARon · 30/08/2026 11:08

If he's going to be off now, then surely you can do what you wanted him to be off for - working/ family activities?

It sounds like you'd barely see her, as she is a typical teenager in her room most of the time. When does she have time to pick on her siblings without her dad present?

SC won’t come out with us as it’s not what she wants to do. They obviously want to interact with her so I’ll say she needs to come downstairs ect or they knock on her door & she’s just incredibly unkind to them.

OP posts:
Gurgletummy · 30/08/2026 11:09

He’s a farmer?

Gurgletummy · 30/08/2026 11:08

our relationship has been tense lately

I can imagine

What’s he been like previous years?

BalakayAARon · 30/08/2026 11:08

If he's going to be off now, then surely you can do what you wanted him to be off for - working/ family activities?

It sounds like you'd barely see her, as she is a typical teenager in her room most of the time. When does she have time to pick on her siblings without her dad present?

Original poster
Farmwifefarmlife · 30/08/2026 11:06

sittingonabeach · 30/08/2026 11:01

How come he doesn’t do much with any of his DC over the summer? How much parenting does he do for all 4 of his DC

He’s working, self employed but won’t take anytime off for us / me. His ex said she could go back Sunday ( usual arrangement) or Tuesday.

OP posts:
Original poster
Farmwifefarmlife · 30/08/2026 11:05

NeverDropYourMooncup · 30/08/2026 11:01

He doesn't exactly have a choice about it if her mother isn't available and you're refusing (as is your right), does he?

She'll get to spend some time with her Dad, which is always a good thing anyhow - presumably as you aren't 'free childcare' this time, he'll do stuff with her before the end of the holidays.

She doesn’t emerge from her room till lunchtime / eats & then re disappears till dinner time. He certainly won’t be doing anything with her.

OP posts:
Original poster
Farmwifefarmlife · 30/08/2026 11:04

I juggle running my business from home & childcare we use a childminder but she’s had some time off over the holidays so it’s always me that has to juggle it.

at her moms she is left on her own she also has older siblings there while her mom works.

she doesn’t need “looking after “ but when I’m here without DH she’s incredibly rude & disrespectful & picks on our younger DC. So this time I’ve said no also our DC go back to school/ childminders on Tuesday.

OP posts:
sittingonabeach · 30/08/2026 11:01

How come he doesn’t do much with any of his DC over the summer? How much parenting does he do for all 4 of his DC

NeverDropYourMooncup · 30/08/2026 11:01

He doesn't exactly have a choice about it if her mother isn't available and you're refusing (as is your right), does he?

She'll get to spend some time with her Dad, which is always a good thing anyhow - presumably as you aren't 'free childcare' this time, he'll do stuff with her before the end of the holidays.

ThatBreezyScroller · 30/08/2026 10:57

YANBU!

But I don’t understand - why does she need childcare if she’s a teenager?

And who looks after your DCs whilst you’re both at work?