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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to blank another parent who witters on?

161 replies

BoomBoomsCousin · 30/08/2026 08:15

I Am Being UNKIND but AIBU (and what can I do about this)?

My DD has started horse riding. She's currently having a lesson once a week with one other kid. I take her and sit to watch. The other kid's mother also stays to watch and she is SO BORING and won't shut up.

I have heard 4 times now about how tedious it is to fill in all the forms for her DS's school sport (we're in the US and school sport here is a bit crazy). Last time she spent 12 minutes (I was clock watching) explaining how she went to bed to late. It involved her telling me about four separate loads of laundry, though it turns out she actually stayed up watching TV. I smile and nod and try to get focus on my DD or read the book I bring each week. Sometimes she gets the hint and goes on her phone, but after a few minutes she'll tut or sigh and start telling me about some admin problem she's trying to solve. I cannot bear it.

She seems like a nice woman, but I just don't can't stand her. AIBU to blank her a bit when she goes does this? What alternative is there that doesn't leave me dreading taking my DD to her lesson?

OP posts:
Floatlikeafeather2 · 30/08/2026 09:55

Do you have to sit near her at all? Couldn't you hang behind and let her get settled first, then go and sit somewhere else, if necessary yelling across the distance "I'm going to sit over here so that I can concentrate on watching Little BoomBoom. I can't hear to do that when we're chatting and it's what I'm here for." If she is stupid enough to follow you, say "I'm sorry, I told you I'm here to watch my daughter. I did tell you I'm deaf and I can't hear what's going on if you're wittering on talking to me." Then get up and move again. Even she must be able to see how ridiculous she would look chasing you around the place.
I did actually do this once when someone was boring my socks off talking at me. I'm not deaf but I felt my sanity was worth the weight of the lie. Mind you, I don't think she was as dedicated a witterer as your woman seems to be!

beethecrackon24995 · 30/08/2026 09:53

Ear plugs OP ear plugs!!! Tell her you're on the spectrum and not great with other people socially. I've done this many times (for me it's true but my honesty generally works)

notacooldad · 30/08/2026 09:52

Not really seeing how wearing headphones isn't blanking?
If you acknowledge her intually you haven't blanked her.
But I couldn't wear headphones as I'm actually trying to listen to the instructor when my DD is getting instruction and my hearing is bad enough as it is!

Why do you need to listen to your dd's intstruction. I never used to get involved with the coaching my boys received as it was on them to listen and learn from the coach. I didn't interfere. I would go away in the stands and sit by myself and let them get on with it. I was there being involved bit had space where I coukd have an hour and half to read a book or listen to a podcast without interruption.

BlueMum16 · 30/08/2026 09:50

BoomBoomsCousin · 30/08/2026 09:47

DD wants me to listen to the instructor so we can disect the lesson after. And it's really useful for her if I do that. Otherwise I'd just sit in the car with the windows up and read!

Edited
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Can you sit away from the other parent?

Alternatively like PP said explain you want the silence. You have a full on job and no time to clear your thoughts.

Original poster
BoomBoomsCousin · 30/08/2026 09:47

Floppyearedlab · 30/08/2026 09:37

Could you drop her off and go and run errands? Then have your kid tell you everything she did over hit chocolate and cake after?
Perhaps give her some independence too.

DD wants me to listen to the instructor so we can disect the lesson after. And it's really useful for her if I do that. Otherwise I'd just sit in the car with the windows up and read!

OP posts:
Original poster
BoomBoomsCousin · 30/08/2026 09:45

sunights · 30/08/2026 09:07

OP I used to do this to a work colleague in my mid20s. I know because one day she told me she just likes to sit in silence and asked if we could try it.
It worked in after that occasion, I stopped chatting/ talking at her - mostly to make sure she never asked me to be silent with her again!

I've replied to others and let this sit because I've been thinking on it since you posted. Maybe this is what I need to do, but was it upsetting (because that's what it sounds like)? Would it be better just to focus on my book and not do the nod and smile thing?

OP posts:
Original poster
BoomBoomsCousin · 30/08/2026 09:42

PullTheBricksDown · 30/08/2026 09:18

Say at the start of the lesson that you really want to hear what the instructor says today so you'll need to listen out for that. Then shush her when it starts.

Some other good suggestions here. I dislike the #BeKind approach because the people who it's recommended for are often not at all the vulnerable lonely types imagined. Does she ever ask you questions about your life?

I tell her I'm listening to the instructor when that starts. But it's only for a few minutes at a time. She seems like a nice enough person. I don't think she's vulnerable, nor particularly entitled, or obnoxious. We don't have anything in common, though. That doesn't make her a bad person but it does mean I'm not interested in chatting to her much anymore! I think she just finds it unnerving to not to talk. Hence the wittering about inane stuff.

OP posts:
Floppyearedlab · 30/08/2026 09:37

Could you drop her off and go and run errands? Then have your kid tell you everything she did over hit chocolate and cake after?
Perhaps give her some independence too.

Original poster
BoomBoomsCousin · 30/08/2026 09:34

beaglescurleduplikebagels · 30/08/2026 09:28

You don't have to play anything through the headphones, just put them in your ears so she can't talk to you.

Show quote history

Anything over my ears affects my ability to make out sound, especially speech. I likely wouldn't hear the instructor call by DD's name - which is the cue I need.

But most of you seem to be saying blanking is fine, just pretend to be listening to music. Is it really so different to be/pretend to be engrossed in my book?

And will anything stop the woman wittering, even if I do pretend not to hear her?

OP posts:
Original poster
BoomBoomsCousin · 30/08/2026 09:29

ChagallsMuse · 30/08/2026 09:26

It is blanking... just politely and in a socially acceptable manner 😃

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Shame I can't use it!

OP posts:
beaglescurleduplikebagels · 30/08/2026 09:28

BoomBoomsCousin · 30/08/2026 09:09

I do this. But DD will get instruction for probably 10 mins of an hour's lesson. It doesn't stop her wittering for the other 55 minutes! (And I can't tell which 10 minutes out of the hour it will be, so I can't wear headphones for any of it as I won't know when the instruction starts if I can't hear it).

Show quote history

You don't have to play anything through the headphones, just put them in your ears so she can't talk to you.

ChagallsMuse · 30/08/2026 09:26

BoomBoomsCousin · 30/08/2026 08:47

Not really seeing how wearing headphones isn't blanking?

But I couldn't wear headphones as I'm actually trying to listen to the instructor when my DD is getting instruction and my hearing is bad enough as it is!

Show quote history

It is blanking... just politely and in a socially acceptable manner 😃

Original poster
BoomBoomsCousin · 30/08/2026 09:24

Qualitypinnacle · 30/08/2026 09:19

Try starting a conversation about something you would like to talk about?

I tried initially and could not find common ground.

Edited to add: I also don't really want to spend the whole time chatting to her. I like zoning out a bit and I really want to focus on my DD when she's being instructed.

OP posts:
Original poster
BoomBoomsCousin · 30/08/2026 09:22

VenusThighTrap · 30/08/2026 09:17

Can you take your laptop and say you are catching up on admin? Then use the hour to catch up on emails, life shit, or watch a video on mute.

I take a book and (try to) read, is that different?

Rarely get a signal at the stable though (hence the book)..

OP posts:
Lurkingandlearning · 30/08/2026 09:21

But I couldn't wear headphones as I'm actually trying to listen to the instructor when my DD is getting instruction and my hearing is bad enough as it is

You just tell her that.

Qualitypinnacle · 30/08/2026 09:19

Try starting a conversation about something you would like to talk about?

Original poster
BoomBoomsCousin · 30/08/2026 09:19

Firefly100 · 30/08/2026 09:00

Possibly because you say it but then eventually give in and listen to her. You are teaching her to ignore what you say. Just keep going.
If she really is so completely rude to keep trying relentlessly time and again session after session you could move on to the pointed question technique: ‘Ive explained to you several times that I want to read my book, why are you still trying to engage me in conversation? / why are you ignoring this? / why don’t you understand this?’

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I get that the nod and smile may be encouraging her, which is why I'm posting about stepping it up by blanking her. I can't see how your suggested is response is better than blanking as a first attempt, though.

OP posts:
PullTheBricksDown · 30/08/2026 09:18

Say at the start of the lesson that you really want to hear what the instructor says today so you'll need to listen out for that. Then shush her when it starts.

Some other good suggestions here. I dislike the #BeKind approach because the people who it's recommended for are often not at all the vulnerable lonely types imagined. Does she ever ask you questions about your life?

VenusThighTrap · 30/08/2026 09:17

Can you take your laptop and say you are catching up on admin? Then use the hour to catch up on emails, life shit, or watch a video on mute.

Original poster
BoomBoomsCousin · 30/08/2026 09:09

RosasDanceRosas · 30/08/2026 08:59

Then repeat as necessary. ‘I’m going to have to ask you not to talk, Brenda — I’m trying to hear what the instructor is saying to DD’.

Show quote history

I do this. But DD will get instruction for probably 10 mins of an hour's lesson. It doesn't stop her wittering for the other 55 minutes! (And I can't tell which 10 minutes out of the hour it will be, so I can't wear headphones for any of it as I won't know when the instruction starts if I can't hear it).

OP posts:
TheTortiePuffinNeedsHerBreakfast · 30/08/2026 09:08

I would bring some sort of task to do and let her know that,eg "This hour is a great time for me to catch up on emails/read work papers etc so that's what I'll be doing each week" then crack on with it. I agree it's a bit intense if it's just the two of you and she's a bore - I had someone similar at DS's football but there were quite a few other parents there too so it diluted her somewhat.

sunights · 30/08/2026 09:07

OP I used to do this to a work colleague in my mid20s. I know because one day she told me she just likes to sit in silence and asked if we could try it.
It worked in after that occasion, I stopped chatting/ talking at her - mostly to make sure she never asked me to be silent with her again!

JaninefromEastenders · 30/08/2026 09:03

Nod a bit, and whenever the instructor speaks say, 'hang on what did she say?' Try to get the other mum interested in the lesson but if you can't, just keep politely interrupting her.

Firefly100 · 30/08/2026 09:00

BoomBoomsCousin · 30/08/2026 08:50

It's probably going to come down to this ad nauseam. I've tried it a few times but it hasn't stopped her yet.

Edited
Show quote history

Possibly because you say it but then eventually give in and listen to her. You are teaching her to ignore what you say. Just keep going.
If she really is so completely rude to keep trying relentlessly time and again session after session you could move on to the pointed question technique: ‘Ive explained to you several times that I want to read my book, why are you still trying to engage me in conversation? / why are you ignoring this? / why don’t you understand this?’

RosasDanceRosas · 30/08/2026 08:59

BoomBoomsCousin · 30/08/2026 08:51

I have!

Show quote history

Then repeat as necessary. ‘I’m going to have to ask you not to talk, Brenda — I’m trying to hear what the instructor is saying to DD’.