Page 5 | AIBU to blank another parent who witters on?

BoomBoomsCousin · 2026-08-30T07:15:29+00:00

I Am Being UNKIND but AIBU (and what can I do about this)? My DD has started horse riding. She's currently having a lesson once a week with one other kid. I take her and sit to watch. The other kid's mother also stays to watch and she is SO BORING and won't shut up. I have heard 4 times now about how tedious it is to fill in all the forms for her DS's school sport (we're in the US and school sport here is a bit crazy). Last time she spent 12 minutes (I was clock watching) explaining how she went to bed to late. It involved her telling me about four separate loads of laundry, though it turns out she actually stayed up watching TV. I smile and nod and try to get focus on my DD or read the book I bring each week. Sometimes she gets the hint and goes on her phone, but after a few minutes she'll tut or sigh and start telling me about some admin problem she's trying to solve. I cannot bear it. She seems like a nice woman, but I just don't can't stand her. AIBU to blank her a bit when she goes does this? What alternative is there that doesn't leave me dreading taking my DD to her lesson?

nomas · 30/08/2026 18:50

Are you North American? I find they are usually very good at being direct and it doesn’t sound rude. It’s us Brits who make heavy weather of it.

If you are firm with her, she will likely respond and not be offended.

CurlewKate · 30/08/2026 18:41

Maybe start being a nicer person? Just a thought…..

Grumpyoldcat · 30/08/2026 18:33

Take a book and some paper, pen and say you are working.

Original poster

BoomBoomsCousin · 30/08/2026 18:31

Floatlikeafeather2 · 30/08/2026 11:24

Perhaps but it undermines your argument of wanting to concentrate on your daughter.

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My post was never about the 10 minutes I'm concentrating on my DD. As I've said, I do tell her I'm trying to concentrate then. My issue is that I don't want to listen to her wittering on for the rest of the hour when I don't have that "excuse" and I just want to read.

Thankfully another poster has given me a phrase I'm comfortable using for the rest of the time, so I'm going to try that instead of just blanking her.

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HaveIBeenTangoed · 30/08/2026 11:31

Knitting is perfect for this. I use it as an excuse to not chat all the time. “Sorry I’m counting”, “sorry, I’m concentrating, this pattern’s quite tricky”, “sorry, what did you say? I’m in a world of my own!” You only have to say it a couple of times before they get the hint!!

Floatlikeafeather2 · 30/08/2026 11:24

BoomBoomsCousin · 30/08/2026 10:05

There's only one seating area. I'd have to stand the whole time and I really don't want to!

I could escalate the comments and be very direct, I guess I'm thinking that blanking her by focusing on my book would be less rude than that?

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Perhaps but it undermines your argument of wanting to concentrate on your daughter.

getawayfromme · 30/08/2026 11:21

OP I have a family member who witters from morning until night so I get how gruelling it is - she doesn’t pick up on social cues.

Sometimes she’ll say something like ‘I have to make all the conversation when I see Katie, we’d just sit in silence otherwise’ and I know exactly how poor Katie is getting it in the neck and probably wants some peace!

If it feels too rude to say ‘STFK I’m trying to read my book’, a brisk ‘Boom Boom Jr’s asked me to listen to the instructions because she’s trying to improve’ might help. You could even take a notepad and pen as a prop and take a few notes.

Then ‘Oh sorry, I’m just concentrating’ each time to Chatty Cathy if you get interrupted!

Original poster

BoomBoomsCousin · 30/08/2026 11:10

Error404FucksNotFound · 30/08/2026 11:02

You could always tell her she's dull as fuck. She probably won't ever talk to you again after that.

Sounds like you've already tried all the nice ways.

Seriously though, if you've tried all the subtle ways maybe all you have left is being very blunt and telling her flat out you do not want to talk.

. That is what goes through my head! But DD would probably be thrown out and then I'd be in the dog house!

Thanks to this thread, I have a form of words to use now that I feel comfortable with and won't make me a pariah. And then I'll be fine just ignoring her while I read,.

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Error404FucksNotFound · 30/08/2026 11:02

You could always tell her she's dull as fuck. She probably won't ever talk to you again after that.

Sounds like you've already tried all the nice ways.

Seriously though, if you've tried all the subtle ways maybe all you have left is being very blunt and telling her flat out you do not want to talk.

Original poster

BoomBoomsCousin · 30/08/2026 10:54

AgentPidge · 30/08/2026 10:45

You've told her you want to listen. You've tried to read a book. You have nothing in common with her. You're going to have to say, "I'm sorry, I really want to listen to the instructor", then blank her. She's not going to get the message otherwise. You could have a bit of a chat before and after the lesson, but on your terms, not hers. But you have to be firm with her.

I have a friend whose (adult) DD doesn't shut up. I was in a cafe with friend who is very quiet and who I actually wanted to talk to, but her DD turned up and wouldn't stop. After nearly an hour of her talking I had a headache, suddenly got up in the middle of a story and announced I was going to the loo. I saw the surprise on her face. When I came back she started asking me about myself , and the next time I arranged to see quiet friend, her DD didn't come! So I didn't want to be rude, but was driven to it.

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I'm going to try AnnaBelIa's phrasing. I think I've just got so irritated by her I couldn't think of a none nasty way to say that I wanted to read most of the time and in my head it was basically prefaced with "FFS will you just..."! So going straight to the blanking seemed preferable. But a simple explanation will soften things and that is definitely more politic.

OP posts:

AgentPidge · 30/08/2026 10:45

BoomBoomsCousin · 30/08/2026 09:55

I guess my question comes down to - should I just tell her to shut up (not actually the words "shut up", obviously, but that's what "I want silence" amounts to), or should I just stop the nodding and smiling and read (which is blanking her)? Is one approach better than the other?

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You've told her you want to listen. You've tried to read a book. You have nothing in common with her. You're going to have to say, "I'm sorry, I really want to listen to the instructor", then blank her. She's not going to get the message otherwise. You could have a bit of a chat before and after the lesson, but on your terms, not hers. But you have to be firm with her.

I have a friend whose (adult) DD doesn't shut up. I was in a cafe with friend who is very quiet and who I actually wanted to talk to, but her DD turned up and wouldn't stop. After nearly an hour of her talking I had a headache, suddenly got up in the middle of a story and announced I was going to the loo. I saw the surprise on her face. When I came back she started asking me about myself , and the next time I arranged to see quiet friend, her DD didn't come! So I didn't want to be rude, but was driven to it.

Original poster

BoomBoomsCousin · 30/08/2026 10:44

TossieFleacake · 30/08/2026 10:41

I think you need to be up front with her when you arrive ... Sorry Jane, I can't chat with you because I want to focus on watching little boomboom riding today.
Sit a little further away from her and any time she starts talking to you, I would raise my hand in a stop motion, then point to the riders and turn away from her. I would repeat this every time she starts to chat. I wouldn't smile, or laugh or repeat myself at all, just use my hand to indicate that I was watching the riding.

At this point, I wouldn't care if I came across as rude because she is being rude herself by constantly chatting when you've asked her not to.

There have been several responses along these lines. Do you really think, in the first instance, this is better than blanking her by just focusing on my book and not nodding and smiling from time to time?

OP posts:

TossieFleacake · 30/08/2026 10:41

I think you need to be up front with her when you arrive ... Sorry Jane, I can't chat with you because I want to focus on watching little boomboom riding today.
Sit a little further away from her and any time she starts talking to you, I would raise my hand in a stop motion, then point to the riders and turn away from her. I would repeat this every time she starts to chat. I wouldn't smile, or laugh or repeat myself at all, just use my hand to indicate that I was watching the riding.

At this point, I wouldn't care if I came across as rude because she is being rude herself by constantly chatting when you've asked her not to.

Original poster

BoomBoomsCousin · 30/08/2026 10:41

christmastreewithhairyfairy · 30/08/2026 09:56

Love these kinds of threads!

OP: I have this problem, what should I do?
Mumsnet: Suggests a large number of sensible solutions
OP: Nope, I'm not doing any of them

😂

Unsurprisingly, when people are responding to a few words on a forum, they don't know all the ins and outs, so they suggest the obvious things. Also unsurprisingly, most OPs have already tried the obvious things that are possible and they haven't worked.

But there are always a few posters (by which I mainly mean you) who have difficulty imagining people acting in good faith and think the OP must be ignoring all the solutions to her problems for no good reason.

OP posts:

Original poster

BoomBoomsCousin · 30/08/2026 10:29

AnnaBelIa · 30/08/2026 10:23

What I would do is politely say: “I’m going to have a quiet read while DD’s riding, so don’t mind me if I’m a bit antisocial...”

... something like that, they will get the message.

I like this. This could work. Thank you.

OP posts:

AnnaBelIa · 30/08/2026 10:23

What I would do is politely say: “I’m going to have a quiet read while DD’s riding, so don’t mind me if I’m a bit antisocial...”

... something like that, they will get the message.

Laiste · 30/08/2026 10:20

If after that (her seemingly understanding and saying so) she still tries to chat, you'll have to be stern and say sorry Mary <no smile> like i said i'm not chatting ok?

Turn away.

At that point you can start actually blanking (ie totally ignoring) and then say a cheerful goodbye at the end.

Laiste · 30/08/2026 10:17

Greet her warmly when you arrive as normal. Mary (or what ever name) <touch arm> i've been meaning to ask you if we could just be together here in silence while the lesson is going on? It's not you or anything it's just that i love to absorb the lesson in peace. Would that be ok? I don't want to seem rude .... <smile>.

wait for answer.

Thank her.

Is she later starts talking just say 'sorry Mary, I'm <nod at lesson> you know like i said. And watch lesson.

ilovesooty · 30/08/2026 10:15

You need to tell her that you can't converse as you need quiet to listen to the instructions. Just stop her when she tries to talk by raising your hand or turning away. She'll eventually get the message.

Original poster

BoomBoomsCousin · 30/08/2026 10:09

BlueMum16 · 30/08/2026 10:05

Id say something like 'i don't mean to be rude but I have a very stressful job and need this hours peace and quiet to decompress and focus on DD. I won't be offended if you choose to watch your phone or something but I'm not here to chat ' and then informed except for a Bye

Every time she interrupts you watching say 'in sorry I'm concentrating ' and turn away again. After a week she will stop

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I don't have a stressful job, or any job, and she knows that since I chatted and tried to find common ground the first few weeks. Any other suggestions on a form of words that would be polite enough but not a lie?

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BlueMum16 · 30/08/2026 10:05

BoomBoomsCousin · 30/08/2026 09:55

I guess my question comes down to - should I just tell her to shut up (not actually the words "shut up", obviously, but that's what "I want silence" amounts to), or should I just stop the nodding and smiling and read (which is blanking her)? Is one approach better than the other?

Show quote history

Id say something like 'i don't mean to be rude but I have a very stressful job and need this hours peace and quiet to decompress and focus on DD. I won't be offended if you choose to watch your phone or something but I'm not here to chat ' and then informed except for a Bye

Every time she interrupts you watching say 'in sorry I'm concentrating ' and turn away again. After a week she will stop

Original poster

BoomBoomsCousin · 30/08/2026 10:05

Floatlikeafeather2 · 30/08/2026 09:55

Do you have to sit near her at all? Couldn't you hang behind and let her get settled first, then go and sit somewhere else, if necessary yelling across the distance "I'm going to sit over here so that I can concentrate on watching Little BoomBoom. I can't hear to do that when we're chatting and it's what I'm here for." If she is stupid enough to follow you, say "I'm sorry, I told you I'm here to watch my daughter. I did tell you I'm deaf and I can't hear what's going on if you're wittering on talking to me." Then get up and move again. Even she must be able to see how ridiculous she would look chasing you around the place.
I did actually do this once when someone was boring my socks off talking at me. I'm not deaf but I felt my sanity was worth the weight of the lie. Mind you, I don't think she was as dedicated a witterer as your woman seems to be!

There's only one seating area. I'd have to stand the whole time and I really don't want to!

I could escalate the comments and be very direct, I guess I'm thinking that blanking her by focusing on my book would be less rude than that?

OP posts:

MrsMoastyToasty · 30/08/2026 09:59

Pretend to be on a call on your mobile when you arrive (or set an alarm on it and "answer" the alarm, pretending to speak to someone). You can raise your hand to Witterer or turn away to speak to your caller.

christmastreewithhairyfairy · 30/08/2026 09:56

Love these kinds of threads!

OP: I have this problem, what should I do?
Mumsnet: Suggests a large number of sensible solutions
OP: Nope, I'm not doing any of them

😂

Original poster

BoomBoomsCousin · 30/08/2026 09:55

BlueMum16 · 30/08/2026 09:50

Can you sit away from the other parent?

Alternatively like PP said explain you want the silence. You have a full on job and no time to clear your thoughts.

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I guess my question comes down to - should I just tell her to shut up (not actually the words "shut up", obviously, but that's what "I want silence" amounts to), or should I just stop the nodding and smiling and read (which is blanking her)? Is one approach better than the other?

OP posts: