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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to blank another parent who witters on?

161 replies

BoomBoomsCousin · 30/08/2026 08:15

I Am Being UNKIND but AIBU (and what can I do about this)?

My DD has started horse riding. She's currently having a lesson once a week with one other kid. I take her and sit to watch. The other kid's mother also stays to watch and she is SO BORING and won't shut up.

I have heard 4 times now about how tedious it is to fill in all the forms for her DS's school sport (we're in the US and school sport here is a bit crazy). Last time she spent 12 minutes (I was clock watching) explaining how she went to bed to late. It involved her telling me about four separate loads of laundry, though it turns out she actually stayed up watching TV. I smile and nod and try to get focus on my DD or read the book I bring each week. Sometimes she gets the hint and goes on her phone, but after a few minutes she'll tut or sigh and start telling me about some admin problem she's trying to solve. I cannot bear it.

She seems like a nice woman, but I just don't can't stand her. AIBU to blank her a bit when she goes does this? What alternative is there that doesn't leave me dreading taking my DD to her lesson?

OP posts:
Original poster
BoomBoomsCousin · 01/09/2026 21:14

Floatlikeafeather2 · 01/09/2026 19:31

What do you mean exactly by blanking? (I know it's a bit late in the thread to ask.) Do you mean pretending that you can't see or hear her?

It's a good question. I should have described that in more detail!

What I had in mind was just being engrossed in my book and ignoring her if she started talking. Probably saying hello when she first arrives, goodbye at the end. Maybe the odd distracted comment when I look up to watch my DD. etc.

At the moment I try and read but she talks so I nod and smile and occasionally say something, which means I can't really concentrate on my book. (Except I need to watch DD, when I just focus all my attention on the arena, sometimes with a "Oh DD's up!" comment).

It will be very obvious I'm ignoring her. She'll be right next to me.

OP posts:
Floatlikeafeather2 · 01/09/2026 19:31

What do you mean exactly by blanking? (I know it's a bit late in the thread to ask.) Do you mean pretending that you can't see or hear her?

Original poster
BoomBoomsCousin · 01/09/2026 16:45

Aliceintheattic · 01/09/2026 00:06

Is the provided seating moveable? If you brought a nice fold up chair, it could be more comfortable, and you coukd sit where she's not tempted to talk to you.

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To me, that seems just as rude as blanking. No one’s going to be fooled by the idea it’s just because it’s more comfortable if I’m setting it up away from her.

OP posts:
Aliceintheattic · 01/09/2026 08:14

BoomBoomsCousin · 01/09/2026 00:14

Is that really less rude?

Edit to add: The bench would be hard to move, but there's a side table that could be that could also be used as a seat at a pinch. It's set up in the one flat shady spot, though. So brutal to sit elsewhere for the next month or so but bearable come October-ish.

Edited
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You can buy camping chairs that are more comfortable than hard benches to sit on ( so there's your excuse ).

You don't have to deliberately sit miles away. It's just that if you aren't both sat on the same bench, then she's less likely to fill the silence.

Original poster
BoomBoomsCousin · 01/09/2026 06:02

Nearly50omg · 01/09/2026 03:53

Just tell her to shut the fuck up and you aren’t her therapist or her friend!

Whilst tempting, this is what I'm hoping to avoid!

OP posts:
gingersnapdrop · 01/09/2026 04:02

When this happens to me, I start recording everything (usually kids in a sports game going on) on my phone. If the person still continues, I do the “shh” sign with a smile. Sometimes “oh sorry I promised Sally I’d pay careful attention.”

Nearly50omg · 01/09/2026 03:53

Just tell her to shut the fuck up and you aren’t her therapist or her friend!

OriginalUsername2 · 01/09/2026 03:10

Find the right moment to say “I’m quite happy just sitting quietly by the way. Don’t feel like you have to keep me entertained!”

Then say something along those lines at every lesson.

TheFormerMrsTruelove · 01/09/2026 00:46

Ignore some of the below, I stopped for a chat and missed your updates.

What’s the seating like? Is there plenty to go around? If so, I’d be inclined to sit at a distance from everyone else and tell her not to get too close because you’re just getting over Norovirus and although it’s been a few hours, you’re not sure if you’re still contagious. Nobody will want to sit near you and hopefully she’ll find some else to witter on to.

Or send DD in at the normal time and you stay outside until you see the woman go inside. Give it five minutes for her to get seated then go inside and sit somewhere else.

I think the earphones would be a good idea if you were prepared to give up your book and watch your DD’s entire lesson. You could tell her it’s an audio book and if you’re watching the lesson, you wouldn’t miss your DD receiving instruction so you’d know when to take them off so you could hear what’s being said.

Or you could tell boring woman that you’d love to chat but you’ve joined an on line book club with friends from the UK and you must get this book finished in time for the zoom call tomorrow morning. Or even just ‘Sorry boring woman, I’ve got to such a good chapter, I really need to concentrate until I hear DD is having her instruction.’ Or just close your eyes before she gets near you but keep an ear out for DD’s name being called.

Original poster
BoomBoomsCousin · 01/09/2026 00:42

OliveMyLove · 01/09/2026 00:41

See? You are kind!

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Halo
OP posts:
OliveMyLove · 01/09/2026 00:41

BoomBoomsCousin · 01/09/2026 00:21

I don't want to dis her as a person. My finding her annoying isn't an indicator that she's not as nice as most of us are. I just don't gel with her and she has (some) poor social skills.

I get the impression she starts talking because she finds not talking unnerving.

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See? You are kind!

Original poster
BoomBoomsCousin · 01/09/2026 00:21

OliveMyLove · 01/09/2026 00:07

I think she is the unkind one, actually. It’s very draining to be forced to listen to the someone share the minutiae of their life. She’s not paying any attention to you or she’d notice that it’s too much.

So do not feel badly about handling this. You should do your best to be polite, of course but you don’t need to tell yourself it’s unkind.

I don't want to dis her as a person. My finding her annoying isn't an indicator that she's not as nice as most of us are. I just don't gel with her and she has (some) poor social skills.

I get the impression she starts talking because she finds not talking unnerving.

OP posts:
Original poster
BoomBoomsCousin · 01/09/2026 00:14

Aliceintheattic · 01/09/2026 00:06

Is the provided seating moveable? If you brought a nice fold up chair, it could be more comfortable, and you coukd sit where she's not tempted to talk to you.

Show quote history

Is that really less rude?

Edit to add: The bench would be hard to move, but there's a side table that could be that could also be used as a seat at a pinch. It's set up in the one flat shady spot, though. So brutal to sit elsewhere for the next month or so but bearable come October-ish.

OP posts:
OliveMyLove · 01/09/2026 00:07

I think she is the unkind one, actually. It’s very draining to be forced to listen to the someone share the minutiae of their life. She’s not paying any attention to you or she’d notice that it’s too much.

So do not feel badly about handling this. You should do your best to be polite, of course but you don’t need to tell yourself it’s unkind.

Aliceintheattic · 01/09/2026 00:06

BoomBoomsCousin · 30/08/2026 10:05

There's only one seating area. I'd have to stand the whole time and I really don't want to!

I could escalate the comments and be very direct, I guess I'm thinking that blanking her by focusing on my book would be less rude than that?

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Is the provided seating moveable? If you brought a nice fold up chair, it could be more comfortable, and you coukd sit where she's not tempted to talk to you.

Original poster
BoomBoomsCousin · 31/08/2026 23:57

MNLurker1345 · 31/08/2026 19:11

@BoomBoomsCousin why do you think she has latched onto you? I understand that the girls get on but there must be other mothers that she could talk to.

Can’t you pass her on to someone else?

She is nervous and she wants to be your friend.

She is mostly probably one of the mums on here that post the ‘I am being snubbed by one of the mums at…I am really upset because I thought we were friends. Do you think she likes me?”

Maybe take DH one week and sit him in the middle or an overly assertive friend that looks at her with contempt.

No. There are just the two of us. It’s a semi private lesson.

OP posts:
OliveMyLove · 31/08/2026 22:24

CurlewKate · 30/08/2026 18:41

Maybe start being a nicer person? Just a thought…..

Good advice should be shared even if not followed, right?

MNLurker1345 · 31/08/2026 19:11

@BoomBoomsCousin why do you think she has latched onto you? I understand that the girls get on but there must be other mothers that she could talk to.

Can’t you pass her on to someone else?

She is nervous and she wants to be your friend.

She is mostly probably one of the mums on here that post the ‘I am being snubbed by one of the mums at…I am really upset because I thought we were friends. Do you think she likes me?”

Maybe take DH one week and sit him in the middle or an overly assertive friend that looks at her with contempt.

Original poster
BoomBoomsCousin · 31/08/2026 18:50

MNLurker1345 · 31/08/2026 11:53

And the ability to focus on her reason for being there, her daughters horse riding. Life isn’t about every gathering of people being a social event.

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To be fair, I'm managing that bit fine. I have no problem making it absolutely clear I'm listening to the instructor and watching my daughter when she's jumping, that doesn't feel rude to me. While she often keeps talking, I can tune it out well enough and sometimes she seems to catch herself and realise that she's being a bit rude talking at me when the riding is what we're supposed to be here for. It's the bits in between where it feels like I'd be really snubbing her to not engage, but I can't stand it!

OP posts:
fumingrightnow1 · 31/08/2026 11:54

I work with someone like this as mean as it sounds you have to be really blunt and quite harsh.

MNLurker1345 · 31/08/2026 11:53

LeopardStar1 · 31/08/2026 11:46

But in this case it is costing her to be kind. Costing precious brain peace and tolerance

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And the ability to focus on her reason for being there, her daughters horse riding. Life isn’t about every gathering of people being a social event.

LeopardStar1 · 31/08/2026 11:46

SunnyRedSnail · 30/08/2026 22:43

Its not. But it costs nothing to be kind...

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But in this case it is costing her to be kind. Costing precious brain peace and tolerance

Frillysweetpea · 31/08/2026 11:45

BoomBoomsCousin · 31/08/2026 10:54

It gets tiresome having posters make suggestions that basically assume you're making stuff up/are at odds with what you've already posted/etc. I'm wondering about why they do it in the hope that I could change something about the way I post so that you stop. But it seems a vain hope!

I may do it too when I post on others' threads, but I've never noticed it, so can't analyse my own reasons.

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It absolutely wasn't a "I dont believe you" comment. I think you are mistaking the tone because it is text - and I'm sure I do so myself; everybody does it. They also text in a shorthand way - it would have been better if I'd said "Can you really concentrate on your reading?" but as I didn't mean the comment to be an aggressive put down of your account it didn't occur to me to phrase it that way. Also, when replying, people misinterpret things, and miss specific OP comments even if they are trying their best to follow a thread. My own approach is that unless I am asked a direct, reasonable question or someone has been incredibly rude to me I just mentally shrug at comments that appear off the mark, stupid or otherwise not relevant to me.

Original poster
BoomBoomsCousin · 31/08/2026 11:24

saveforthat · 31/08/2026 11:05

If there is only one seating area, are there only two seats? If not just sit biggest distance away. When she asks why, use one of the useful phrases suggested upthread.

It's a bench. You could get three people on at a push, but it's pretty cozy.

OP posts:
saveforthat · 31/08/2026 11:05

If there is only one seating area, are there only two seats? If not just sit biggest distance away. When she asks why, use one of the useful phrases suggested upthread.

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