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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to blank another parent who witters on?

161 replies

BoomBoomsCousin · 30/08/2026 08:15

I Am Being UNKIND but AIBU (and what can I do about this)?

My DD has started horse riding. She's currently having a lesson once a week with one other kid. I take her and sit to watch. The other kid's mother also stays to watch and she is SO BORING and won't shut up.

I have heard 4 times now about how tedious it is to fill in all the forms for her DS's school sport (we're in the US and school sport here is a bit crazy). Last time she spent 12 minutes (I was clock watching) explaining how she went to bed to late. It involved her telling me about four separate loads of laundry, though it turns out she actually stayed up watching TV. I smile and nod and try to get focus on my DD or read the book I bring each week. Sometimes she gets the hint and goes on her phone, but after a few minutes she'll tut or sigh and start telling me about some admin problem she's trying to solve. I cannot bear it.

She seems like a nice woman, but I just don't can't stand her. AIBU to blank her a bit when she goes does this? What alternative is there that doesn't leave me dreading taking my DD to her lesson?

OP posts:
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OliveMyLove · 03/09/2026 03:19

That’s a really good result. Peace and no hurt feelings.

Original poster
BoomBoomsCousin · 03/09/2026 02:56

So we went today. I was reading my book when she arrived so I looked up and said hello, exchanged a few words then waved my book at her and said "I've just got to a good bit, so don't mind me if I'm a bit anti-social." And turned back to it. She seemed fine with it and kept quiet for most of the first half.

She tried to engage when I looked up for DD's instruction, and then again when it was finished, asking me about the competition we're going to this weekend. I engaged a bit and then waved the book again and said "Must get back to it!" and read more. She faltered a bit towards the end, looking on her phone and exclaiming, but easy to ignore as her talking to herself. I chatted a bit more at the end as the girls warmed down.

All in all, a success, I thought. Will have to see how the weekend goes, but will be very different as lots of girls and mothers, so we both have more people to talk to. I will try and establish a reputation for myself as a bookworm who is friendly in small doses.

OP posts:
Original poster
BoomBoomsCousin · 02/09/2026 17:12

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 02/09/2026 12:29

Sorry if this has already been suggested. Could you try (or pretend to try) taking an phone video of the parts of the lesson that your DD is most interested in?

Because you can say ... "Sorry, please don't speak whilst I'm videoing as it drowns out the instructors comments."

Doing that a few times might help? It's not rude because you have a good reason.

Thank you for the idea. I have my phone set up on a tripod to capture the whole thing from an angle that captures the jumps properly. But also - I want to read my book, not swap one tedious task for another!

OP posts:
Isittimeformynapyet · 02/09/2026 13:15

SunnyRedSnail · 02/09/2026 06:59

Well thank goodness for the kind souls who do care in life...

Show quote history

I care about the OP.

How about that?

Isittimeformynapyet · 02/09/2026 13:01

HopefulYankee · 02/09/2026 03:16

She sounds lonely, and it’s only for one hour. 🙄

Diddums, frankly.

JoanOgden · 02/09/2026 12:41

I think I'd do 5 mins of dull intro chat and then say "I'm sorry, I just have to send some messages/check something online", then disappear into your phone. If she interrupts you with tedious chat, then take a second to respond and then say "Sorry, can you repeat that?" and then use your excuse again as soon as possible.

Namechangefordaughterevasion · 02/09/2026 12:35

Say hello, then walk as far away as you can. If she approaches you, say excuse me, I'm trying to listen and then walk away again. Repeat.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 02/09/2026 12:29

Sorry if this has already been suggested. Could you try (or pretend to try) taking an phone video of the parts of the lesson that your DD is most interested in?

Because you can say ... "Sorry, please don't speak whilst I'm videoing as it drowns out the instructors comments."

Doing that a few times might help? It's not rude because you have a good reason.

mulberrymilk · 02/09/2026 08:50

HopefulYankee · 02/09/2026 03:16

She sounds lonely, and it’s only for one hour. 🙄

By that line of thinking, we should all make ourselves available for sex with all the lonesome incels who feel sexually deprived then. It wouldn't even take an hour. You first.

Rpop · 02/09/2026 08:01

trockodile · 02/09/2026 07:56

“What a week! I’m going to b terribly rude now and just ignore the world and enjoy my book-the thought of some peace and quiet now is the only thing which has kept me going all day!” Or -wear some headphones and say you are listening to your book on Audible. Don’t make it into a big deal-the other mum might actually be glad to not have to are awkward smalltalk!

I think this is good. I also love the post that said - don’t feel you have to entertain me, I’m happy just reading my book.

trockodile · 02/09/2026 07:56

“What a week! I’m going to b terribly rude now and just ignore the world and enjoy my book-the thought of some peace and quiet now is the only thing which has kept me going all day!” Or -wear some headphones and say you are listening to your book on Audible. Don’t make it into a big deal-the other mum might actually be glad to not have to are awkward smalltalk!

Original poster
BoomBoomsCousin · 02/09/2026 07:46

Granville82 · 02/09/2026 06:51

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

In this day and age where everyone is staring at their phones, all this interpersonal effort and messiness is actually so precious. Even if it's uncomfortable.

This woman has come into your life, and you will feel bad if you're really harsh to her. That's probably why you've come on here to ask about it.

Have you heard of the human library? It's a format where people meet and talk to each other for a period of time, a bit like reading a book. What can you learn from this lady? Does she have a skill you could learn about?

There is something interesting, fascinating and unique about her and it's your job to find it. 🌺♥️🌺

God, this is patronizing bullshit.

I mean, you're right that I would feel bad if I was really harsh with her, and I do want to treat her as I want to be treated. But I don't want to be patronized. If I'm boring the pants off someone I don't want them to treat me as a project and find out what's "fascinating and unique" about me. I'd like them to indicate it in as gentle a way as possible and give me a face saving way of backing off. And so that is what I'm looking for here.

It's not my job to find out what's unique about her. I have put hours so far trying to develop a connection with her and it was time wasted. Time I won't get back and time I wish I'd spent reading.

And I'm not kidding myself that I'm wonderfully fascinating to her. We've chatted for hours over the last few months and not gelled at all. She may well be finding it fruitless too.

OP posts:
SunnyRedSnail · 02/09/2026 06:59

Isittimeformynapyet · 02/09/2026 02:53

Yeah, but also Wtf?! that's not anyone else's problem!

Nobody has the right to unilaterally decide someone is their carer! That's rude in itself.

Show quote history

Well thank goodness for the kind souls who do care in life...

Granville82 · 02/09/2026 06:51

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

In this day and age where everyone is staring at their phones, all this interpersonal effort and messiness is actually so precious. Even if it's uncomfortable.

This woman has come into your life, and you will feel bad if you're really harsh to her. That's probably why you've come on here to ask about it.

Have you heard of the human library? It's a format where people meet and talk to each other for a period of time, a bit like reading a book. What can you learn from this lady? Does she have a skill you could learn about?

There is something interesting, fascinating and unique about her and it's your job to find it. 🌺♥️🌺

Original poster
BoomBoomsCousin · 02/09/2026 06:33

Aliceintheattic · 02/09/2026 02:10

I mean that you don't have to sit at the farthest possible point away from her. That's a deliberate snub.

Some people get really nervous when there is silence, and need to fill it. You both sitting on the same bench will make this a lot worse.

If you are a few meters away, you aren't snubbing her, but it makes talking that bit more awkward, and will help shut it down.

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I see what you mean. Not fully convinced I can find a sweet spot that will do that, but it's worth a shot if the polite phrases I'm going to try do nothing, so thank you!

OP posts:
concertinacornflake · 02/09/2026 06:31

BoomBoomsCousin · 02/09/2026 06:28

When it comes down to it all the solutions except, I think, SunnyRedSales', boil down to blanking her. It's just a matter of framing it in a way where she'll be less hurt/snubbed and I don't look like a complete bitch to the trainer! Most of the suggestions here don't sound any less rude, to me, than simply sitting down and blanking her.

This particular phrase, though, doesn't sound mean. It's also not a lie, which adds to ease of use and authenticity. I can say it with a smile and still be warm and friendly in small doses.

So it seems worth a try. It's not as though I'll have lost anything if it doesn't work out.

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Telling someone you don't want to talk is much less rude than just blanking someone.

It's also healthier for you to learn to respond in a clear, calm way.

Original poster
BoomBoomsCousin · 02/09/2026 06:29

HopefulYankee · 02/09/2026 03:16

She sounds lonely, and it’s only for one hour. 🙄

Then you come over and chat to her.

OP posts:
Original poster
BoomBoomsCousin · 02/09/2026 06:28

mulberrymilk · 02/09/2026 00:57

Why would this work when you attempting to demonstrate the exact same message by reading has not worked. She'll just keep talking to you as you read.

Show quote history

When it comes down to it all the solutions except, I think, SunnyRedSales', boil down to blanking her. It's just a matter of framing it in a way where she'll be less hurt/snubbed and I don't look like a complete bitch to the trainer! Most of the suggestions here don't sound any less rude, to me, than simply sitting down and blanking her.

This particular phrase, though, doesn't sound mean. It's also not a lie, which adds to ease of use and authenticity. I can say it with a smile and still be warm and friendly in small doses.

So it seems worth a try. It's not as though I'll have lost anything if it doesn't work out.

OP posts:
OliveMyLove · 02/09/2026 03:30

mulberrymilk · 02/09/2026 00:57

Why would this work when you attempting to demonstrate the exact same message by reading has not worked. She'll just keep talking to you as you read.

Show quote history

I think it is worth trying.

I have a few people that talk to me the way OP describes and often end up fading away and going back to whatever I was doing. They then wander off.

I’m not trying to be rude (and they don’t seem to mind) but they are talking just to talk and hardly notice the audience. I just don’t have space in my head available sometimes.

HopefulYankee · 02/09/2026 03:16

She sounds lonely, and it’s only for one hour. 🙄

Isittimeformynapyet · 02/09/2026 02:53

SunnyRedSnail · 31/08/2026 08:45

Wtf?!

We are talking about listening to the dialogue of someone who is likely lonely.

Show quote history

Yeah, but also Wtf?! that's not anyone else's problem!

Nobody has the right to unilaterally decide someone is their carer! That's rude in itself.

Aliceintheattic · 02/09/2026 02:10

BoomBoomsCousin · 02/09/2026 00:21

i really don’t see how it would stop her talking to me just because it’s two seats instead of one, unless I set the chair up away from her?

Does other people think that sounds realistic? I’m loathe to buy and lug a camping chair about if this isn’t a well known phenomenon.

Show quote history

I mean that you don't have to sit at the farthest possible point away from her. That's a deliberate snub.

Some people get really nervous when there is silence, and need to fill it. You both sitting on the same bench will make this a lot worse.

If you are a few meters away, you aren't snubbing her, but it makes talking that bit more awkward, and will help shut it down.

mulberrymilk · 02/09/2026 00:57

BoomBoomsCousin · 30/08/2026 10:29

I like this. This could work. Thank you.

Show quote history

Why would this work when you attempting to demonstrate the exact same message by reading has not worked. She'll just keep talking to you as you read.

Original poster
BoomBoomsCousin · 02/09/2026 00:21

Aliceintheattic · 01/09/2026 23:08

You don't have to be "away from her". Just off the bench. If you continue to sit on the same bench, the wittering will continue.

Show quote history

i really don’t see how it would stop her talking to me just because it’s two seats instead of one, unless I set the chair up away from her?

Does other people think that sounds realistic? I’m loathe to buy and lug a camping chair about if this isn’t a well known phenomenon.

OP posts:
Aliceintheattic · 01/09/2026 23:08

BoomBoomsCousin · 01/09/2026 16:45

To me, that seems just as rude as blanking. No one’s going to be fooled by the idea it’s just because it’s more comfortable if I’m setting it up away from her.

Show quote history

You don't have to be "away from her". Just off the bench. If you continue to sit on the same bench, the wittering will continue.