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AIBU?

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AIBU to think lifestyle expectations and spending habits have risen enormously?

523 replies

Hiredgun · 29/08/2026 20:16

For context, I’m a late 30s millennial. Grew up in Scotland.

Back then, almost nobody had a brand new car. People went abroad once a year if they were lucky. Eating out was very rare, maybe a handfull of times per. Getting a new kitchen was rare as was buying most household items. Kids often got cast off clothes from their siblings. Coffee & wine were basic.

Fast forward to today and it’s unbelievable what I see now.

Almost everybody drives a brand new car

Some of my friends go on multiple holidays per year. One is just back from her 7th trip abroad.

People buy properties and spend six figures immediately renovating them.

People are very fussy with wine. One of my friends only drinks champagne if doing fizz. Another will only drink certain types of Italian red wine.

I have a friend who spent 3K on a coffee machine and he recently asked if the coffee I served him at mine was single source.

Another friend wants me to go on a golfing holiday for a stag do abroad. Basic cost is £3K as it involves a private chef on a boat.

And cheese…. one of my friends only buys cheese from a deli. It’s beautiful but they’re spending a hundred quid plus a month just on cheese.

Some of my friends eat out 2/3 times per week. That was an average in a year for lots of people when I was a kid.

AIBU to question this? I know some of it may be debt but perhaps people’s expectations have risen enormously? Anybody else seeing this type of behaviour.

OP posts:
likelysuspect · 01/09/2026 17:12

Jane143 · 01/09/2026 17:07

I would never let a child try lobster. Have you seen how they are boiled alive? I’m sure if any child saw this they’d be scarred for life, same as I was. Its horrendous

Prawns are boiled alive.

Jane143 · 01/09/2026 17:07

FirmSnake · 30/08/2026 22:39

Why won't you let your child try lobster? What an odd stand to take.

I would never let a child try lobster. Have you seen how they are boiled alive? I’m sure if any child saw this they’d be scarred for life, same as I was. Its horrendous

Pemba · 01/09/2026 16:59

Have you not? Well there was a poster earlier in the thread who thought it that her late grandparents had a dull life because they would never think of going to a cafe just for coffee, and took sandwiches and drinks in a flask on days out. But maybe they were perfectly happy with that.

Willreturnforsure2 · 01/09/2026 16:38

Pemba · 01/09/2026 16:25

Well up to them obviously, and if they can afford it that's fine. I suppose they're helping to support the local economy with the beauty treatments etc.

But some people seem to think if you don't have that stuff your life is miserable which is rubbish. Everyone is different

I haven’t seen any posts saying that

Pemba · 01/09/2026 16:25

Well up to them obviously, and if they can afford it that's fine. I suppose they're helping to support the local economy with the beauty treatments etc.

But some people seem to think if you don't have that stuff your life is miserable which is rubbish. Everyone is different

Willreturnforsure2 · 01/09/2026 16:03

Pemba · 01/09/2026 16:00

It was a poster with a DC in their early 30s, they were describing their own lifestyle. So must be mid fifties at least.

Good on them!!!

Pemba · 01/09/2026 16:00

It was a poster with a DC in their early 30s, they were describing their own lifestyle. So must be mid fifties at least.

Willreturnforsure2 · 01/09/2026 15:43

pp who like me has a DC in their early thirties described spending £300 a month on beauty treatments and having 4 (foreign?) holidays a year. I guess it's her money and she can afford it but I wouldn't even want to do those things, sounds exhausting!

how old is she? I’d be over the moon if my DD was living life like this!

Pemba · 01/09/2026 15:42

I don't know, surely it's a worthwhile discussion, regardless of who started the thread? And posters have posted in good faith.

I do recognise that there are certainly a lot more things to spend money on than when I started my adult life 40 years ago. The coffees, frequent holidays, beauty treatments, very frequent redecoration of the home, getting brand new cars on PCP etc. But at the same time I feel really sorry for the younger generations, as housing is so much more expensive than it ever used to be. Also they have the burden of student loans which we never did.

Salaries have not really increased in relative terms and they are absolutely milked by the universities and government for fees, by the providers of student accommodation for expensive rent, by the car companies and peer pressure for PCP deals on new cars, etc etc. Then will they even get pensions when it's their time?

But it seems it's sometimes people of my own generation who want so much stuff. A pp who like me has a DC in their early thirties described spending £300 a month on beauty treatments and having 4 (foreign?) holidays a year. I guess it's her money and she can afford it but I wouldn't even want to do those things, sounds exhausting!

There is something to be said for the simple life and being content with what you have. I am lucky enough to have recently got the house we always wanted (just a small detached in an ordinary small town in the Midlands) and we're quite satisfied with life in material terms.

Reading back, I realise this probably sounds quite sanctimonious!

Willreturnforsure2 · 01/09/2026 13:47

Backfrombright · 31/08/2026 20:55

Anyway… posters… heads up, this man is sketchy to say the least and on the last fortnight has spent most of his time on Mumsnet talking about on line dating and variously how disappointing women are on them.

AVOID

Thank you! I was about to post in good faith

Backfrombright · 31/08/2026 20:55

Anyway… posters… heads up, this man is sketchy to say the least and on the last fortnight has spent most of his time on Mumsnet talking about on line dating and variously how disappointing women are on them.

AVOID

Backfrombright · 31/08/2026 20:54

Hiredgun · 31/08/2026 20:48

Again with the coffee talking to yourself under different accounts.

I didn’t see an episode of Friends until I moved away. I didn’t grow up around cafes. It was a rare thing for me to be in a cafe as a kid. My parents ordered for me and I normally got a slice of cake and a glass of lemonade. Not sure why that’s so hard to understand.

You think I’m @FirmSnake 😆

report me / us

we are not the same though! First time I’ve ever been accused of being another poster!

Hiredgun · 31/08/2026 20:48

Backfrombright · 31/08/2026 19:32

It is.

He’s basically all over Mumsnet only posting about online dating and women (negatively generally) aside from the odd other issue.

Again with the coffee talking to yourself under different accounts.

I didn’t see an episode of Friends until I moved away. I didn’t grow up around cafes. It was a rare thing for me to be in a cafe as a kid. My parents ordered for me and I normally got a slice of cake and a glass of lemonade. Not sure why that’s so hard to understand.

OP posts:
Catsandcwtches · 31/08/2026 20:27

Backfrombright · 31/08/2026 17:51

But you knew they existed?

@Backfrombright probably… it’s hard to remember too well. I remember trying one at uni and being surprised how nice it was! I’d probably heard of them without knowing exactly what was in one.

Backfrombright · 31/08/2026 19:32

FirmSnake · 31/08/2026 19:25

The coffee thing is odd. He would have been a teenager in the peak Friends era. Cafes and coffee shops were everywhere and hes saying he never so much as looked at a menu?
But I suspect this thread is really a stab at silly frivolous women with our fancy coffees and boob jobs.

It is.

He’s basically all over Mumsnet only posting about online dating and women (negatively generally) aside from the odd other issue.

FirmSnake · 31/08/2026 19:25

Backfrombright · 31/08/2026 18:55

When you start a thread about what sounds like an unusual childhood considering we’re talking say 1988 onwards…. I suppose you shouldn’t be surprised to get questions 🤷‍♀️

however I’ll leave you to it anyway as from all your other posts that I’ve seen you on… you very clearly give the impression you are online dating

The coffee thing is odd. He would have been a teenager in the peak Friends era. Cafes and coffee shops were everywhere and hes saying he never so much as looked at a menu?
But I suspect this thread is really a stab at silly frivolous women with our fancy coffees and boob jobs.

Backfrombright · 31/08/2026 19:19

Hiredgun · 31/08/2026 19:15

It wasn’t an unusual childhood for me or my friends growing up. In fact others I’ve spoken with had a similar experience outside of Scotland. I like talking about this kind of stuff.

You seem to have skipped the main thrust of the thread and jumped to conclusions.

Likewise with the OLD stuff. I know a lot about it and the dating world but again you presume you know what that means. It’s odd that you’re logging in under different account names to ask the same type of questions and tracking me down on other threads. You don’t need to run an AI algorithm to spot this.

Your fixation on my ignorance about Italian coffees as a kid growing up has really made me smile however so thanks for that 😂

Scary stuff men on Mumsnet

Hiredgun · 31/08/2026 19:15

Backfrombright · 31/08/2026 18:55

When you start a thread about what sounds like an unusual childhood considering we’re talking say 1988 onwards…. I suppose you shouldn’t be surprised to get questions 🤷‍♀️

however I’ll leave you to it anyway as from all your other posts that I’ve seen you on… you very clearly give the impression you are online dating

It wasn’t an unusual childhood for me or my friends growing up. In fact others I’ve spoken with had a similar experience outside of Scotland. I like talking about this kind of stuff.

You seem to have skipped the main thrust of the thread and jumped to conclusions.

Likewise with the OLD stuff. I know a lot about it and the dating world but again you presume you know what that means. It’s odd that you’re logging in under different account names to ask the same type of questions and tracking me down on other threads. You don’t need to run an AI algorithm to spot this.

Your fixation on my ignorance about Italian coffees as a kid growing up has really made me smile however so thanks for that 😂

OP posts:
MCF86 · 31/08/2026 18:55

I didn't know all coffee wasn't instant (black, 2 sugars) like my mum made it... why would I have?

Backfrombright · 31/08/2026 18:55

Hiredgun · 31/08/2026 18:08

Sorry but you seem to want so many details on some of these aspects. Not sure why it’s so important for you to know this in relation to the overall theme of the thread.

When you start a thread about what sounds like an unusual childhood considering we’re talking say 1988 onwards…. I suppose you shouldn’t be surprised to get questions 🤷‍♀️

however I’ll leave you to it anyway as from all your other posts that I’ve seen you on… you very clearly give the impression you are online dating

Laurmolonlabe · 31/08/2026 18:51

Jaimelefromage · 29/08/2026 22:42

Exactly this. The older generations feel superior for not spending money on these things 40 years ago… because they didn’t exist. If they had existed, they’d have spent their money on them too. Because that’s how our society is designed to function.

No one is forcing you to spend your money on anything, just because a society is set up that way doesn't mean you have follow it.
I have never spent my money on the things you mention, real coffee existed it was expensive I didn't buy it then and I don't now
You are not required to buy them just because that's the way society is designed, following the herd, just because it's the herd- that's pathetic.

Hiredgun · 31/08/2026 18:08

Backfrombright · 31/08/2026 17:46

So your experience was very rural Scotland. When did you move away? Where did you go to uni? Your wife had similar upbringing not in keeping with the majority in the mid 80s and through 1990s?

Edited

Sorry but you seem to want so many details on some of these aspects. Not sure why it’s so important for you to know this in relation to the overall theme of the thread.

OP posts:
FirmSnake · 31/08/2026 18:01

Hiredgun · 31/08/2026 17:45

Not sure the type of TV I had access to mentioned cappuccinos or indeed the books I read. My friends were just like me so they weren’t drinking cappuccinos either.

Yes, I went to cafes but I only recall tea or coffee. Keep in mind I was a kid so my parents ordered. I only tasted real coffee when I moved away to university. That’s when things got interesting.

I am not being hyperbolic but these are just some things off the top of my head. I could go on with countless more.

What are some other examples?

Backfrombright · 31/08/2026 17:51

Catsandcwtches · 31/08/2026 17:49

To be fair I went to uni in early 2000s before I tried a cappuccino for the first time. My parents drank instant coffee at home and didn’t take us to coffee shops.

But you knew they existed?

Catsandcwtches · 31/08/2026 17:49

To be fair I went to uni in early 2000s before I tried a cappuccino for the first time. My parents drank instant coffee at home and didn’t take us to coffee shops.

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